I am having an incredible problem with my latest girlfriend. Basically, I am able to orgasm early (couple of minutes) or last for a long time (over an hour) and not orgasm. I always feel ridiculous if I orgasm too early so I normally just try to last longer. However, I am simply unable to get off through normal sex if I last much longer than a couple of minutes. Don’t know what to do about this problem. I guess I need to vent my frustration.
I am not a doctor or a sex therapist, nor do I play one in an off-Broadway musical, but I DID stay at a Holiday Inn . . . wait, wrong card. Anyway.
When we covered “sexual disorders” in my abpsych class, which is not to say you have one but me pulling stuff from my class as a sort of helping suggestion, one of the big things we discussed was sex therapy. Basically it starts out with minimal or no touching, then getting up (NPI) to gentle touching and massaging, up to full body massage and caressing with optional sexual contact, then to sexual contact and finally to full-blown (PI) sex.
Perhaps you might use a method other than penetration to achieve orgasm or start slow or something?
I delay as much as possible, up to and include switching penile for oral stimulation, 'cause I’m just a giving kind of guy. But for my “big she-bang”, I tend to go into a slow and steady pace for a time, getting the lucky lady very happy in whatever way she likes (which make ME very happy, ifyaknowwhatimean), then increasing speed and power, honestly to MY liking, but the “she” tends to enjoy it as well, and that usually brings about the big “O”. Not as big as it would have been early on, I will admit, but like I said, I’m a giver. I recommend LOTS of practice at this. LOTS!
Dear TexasCpur,
I’d recomend trying to hold off as long as possible, then try a different postion to get you off as she comes closer to orgasm. For instance get her pretty hot then flip her on her stomach and put a pillow under her tummy and hit it from behind. Trust me you will love this postion just as much as she will. But when she starts buckin just hold on tight and start trying to flex your “pee muscles” it’ll will bring you to climax alot quicker.
Sincerely
The God of SexI don’t think you have an uncommon problem, if at all it is a problem. Same thing happens to me if I don’t come within the first 10 or 15 minutes of penile stimulation. After about a half hour I get pretty numb, if not bored. Even if I’m not bored, and totally into it, my sensitivity has gone down to such a level that it’s a hell of an effort even trying to masturbate. Nicklz’s approach occassionally works for me. It’s pretty much the only position I can consistently come in. (Or her on top.)
Otherwise your best bet is to pleasure her for awhile in the beginning of your lovemaking sessions, and to leave your penis alone, or minimally stimulate it. Then finish off a la Uncle Bill.
I still say the goal of sex is not orgasm. Thus, people don’t always orgasm during sex.
BTW, orgasm & ejaculation are actually two seperate events.
Obviously I’m not a guy but here’s a wild idea. When no one is watching, practice making bubbles through a straw in your milk or soda. Notice how that relaxes your lower abs and the (getting technical here) much lower stuff. Then use that same type of breathing when you’re wanting to ejaculate. For some reason that action relaxes muscles in that general area that might be fatigued and “stuck” in a tense position. I’d be curious if it works. Helps women during childbirth and people who can’t urinate. Maybe not the best comparison but seems like it might help.
Another thing is ocassionally try a few positions that stimulate her so much that she wishes you would finish faster. The more perpendicular you are to each other, the more (for most women) stimulating it is. I nearly passed out the first time my husband tried a totally perpendicular position (me on my back/him standing). I couldn’t have handled that for long. But it was fun.
…your not on Paxil are you?..
When the point of sex is orgasm, then sex becomes masturbating in the vagina. I read this once somewhere.