Mangle a Term from the Wide World of Sports

[Grestarian]

For starters, I want to say I’m really astounded and pleased at how long my previous Mangle thread lasted. Its predecessor really died rather quickly and it was dormant for quite a while before I got around to creating a sequel. Thanks everyone for keeping that one alive so long!

The idea for this one came only about a week after the Sciences thread was started and at the time I figured I’d let that one run until it died – which didn’t happen for a surprisingly long time.

@Grestarian

Anyway, I was writing a response to another thread and mentally speaking with an accent when I mangled a term. Then when I was thinking about that later I started remembering old Funky Winkerbean comic strips in which one of the guys was depicted sitting for an exam (these tended to come out around SAT and GRE season) and he would be given a term to define, for which he would supply some ludicrous funny answer. For example, one panel would show a caption of “Define Lagoon” and he would be shown writing “A French idiot.”

So shortly after I made the Sciences thread game, I happened to be walking behind a guy who was wearing a Tshirt with a logo on the back and a single word at the top: TRIATHLETE

I’m sure that’s what it said. Not only were the letters all capitalized and large, but it was on the back of a XXXlarge Tshirt and spread across the back of a man who was about two meters tall and 200 kg and, to say the least, he did not look athletic – unless you’re one of those who thinks food-eating is really a competitive sport.

And on my way home I thought about that guy and imagined someone giving a eulogy…

Yahhh…Fred…he tried running and di’n like the shin-splints he got.
Then he tried bicycling and purty quickly got tired of all the dogs chasin’ him down the street.
So then Fred tried gettin’ into ocean swimmin’ and – well, ya kin see the upper half o’ him in th’ casket and see how that turned out.
But me and Fred’s brothers…we’ll we’re still gonna remember him as a tri-athlete even if anythin’ he tried jus’ di’n go right.

And I realized pretty early that I should have done this with the Sciences thread; I’ll add a bit to the rules by asking that some of the real definitions of the terms you guys provide be explained either before or after it’s mangled for our entertainment because otherwise some of us just don’t understand and some of us get only half the pleasure out of some of the better jokes.

Knuckle-ball: During the obligatory clear-the-benches MLB brawls, this occurs when combatants are aiming for the opponent’s athletic cup.

[Actually, it’s a special way of throwing the ball so it follows a difficult-to-track trajectory. It gets its name from the way the pitcher typically holds the ball when preparing this pitch.]

And, speaking of pitches, I’ll throw out the first one:

Cricket: A game like baseball but played with flatter bats – which makes it easier to smash those little bugs.
Wicket: The opposite of good. Or, related to the game of Cricket, part of the after-party when the field is raked and those little squashed insects are set on fire.
[But, quite honestly, I don’t really know what a wicket is…]

And, as before, keep it light-hearted and remember it’s all in gest.

Your turn!
–G!

[Prof.Pepperwinkle]

Scrimmage: a term in American football for the time when the ball has ceased to be in the possession of one particular player and any number of players are rivaling to gain a grip on that particular spheroid.

[Bicycle_Bill]

First things first –

Wicket: a modifying term of speech using primarily in the New England region of the United States to signify that something, whether good or bad, is of an extreme status – i.e., it’s wicket cold out today. When combined with the term ’pissah’ (as in, that dinner was a wicket pissah) the something that is being described is superlative beyond all comparison.

Tackle: one of those terms that have multiple meanings, even within the sports world, depending on the sport. For example, a ‘tackle’ in association football is different than a ‘tackle’ in American football. In fact, in American football a ‘tackle’ can be either the act of bringing the ball-carrier to a halt (to tackle the runner) or an assigned position in the scrimmage (see above).

To make it even more confusing, while one is not permitted to tackle their quarry when engaged in the sport of piscatorial pursuits, it IS permitted to USE tackle in an attempt to take one’s prey.

-“BB”-

[burpo_the_wonder_mutt]

Hail Mary: The nicest expletive you’re likely to hear on the gridiron when Roethlisberger flubs another pass.

[burpo_the_wonder_mutt]

Skiing: If you’re one of those people who use the “Sh” sound at the beginning of this word, you’re full of skit.

(Thank you, Joel and 'bots.)

[Grestarian]

Gridiron (or Grid-Iron).

In professional football, this is a euphemism for the chalk-white (it’s actually lyme, which is calcium rather than a fruit) design of the field on the expanse of grass or astro-turf in the middle of the stadium.

In Pop-Warner and other childrens’ league football, this is a euphemism for the new braces Tommy has to wear on his teeth.

–G!

[panache45]

Homer: When you get to run around the bases, yelling “D’oh!”

[burpo_the_wonder_mutt]

Foul Ball: see “Pete Rose.”