Mangled Metaphors

Ever noticed how odd some metaphors appear when the speaker/writer mangles them? Ever been tempted to make them even weirder?

For example, in the job I ought to be proofreading RIGHT NOW instead of goofing off on this board :wink: I just came across: “missed it by a hair’s breath”. It should be “hair’s breadth”, of course – but what immediately sprang to mind was “hare’s breath”.

A lot of people think that “a tough row to hoe” is actually “a tough road to hoe.” Well, yeh… but who would be hoeing a road to begin with?

Okay, Dopers – what mangled metaphors have caught your fancy? And can you maim them even further beyond recognition?

Not the sharpest bulb on the tree.

Like a fish out of nowhere.

From Unsolved Mysteries:

The light at the end of the rainbow.

It’s an ill wind that’s up to no good.

Ohh, there’s some gems for the UK series “The Thin Blue Line”.

“Just remember Raymond, my arse is on the line and I don’t want a cock-up.”

Like a bat out of water.

Well, this thread is turning into quite the goldmine for pithy sayings. – Monty

Ah – so he’s not playing with a full duck?

He was truly living precariously with that fowl exchange.

I always liked Nip it in the butt, and Butt naked.

Like a prick over troubled water.

Gaping wide open like a buck toothed whore.

Like a brown stone cowboy.

Here’s one my friend blurted out while playing playstation…“I’m gonna slap you around like a hard chicken!” ???

Like the hipster manager of Lowes’ plumbing department: Pre-Madonna top caulk of the walk.

Faster than a speeding building.

Higher than a speeding Bulleit.

I’ve seen people write “for all intensive purposes.”

I don’t think we’re towing the line here

(Love that image though, of someone towing the line)

Then again, how many people use hoes (as in farm implements) today? Agricultural illiteracy has led to several references to “bailing hay”, to say nothing of “having a hayday”. I’ve also seen “As ye sew, so shall ye reap.”

Well, I see a fellow Hoosier night owl beat me to it. I’m not sure that a tough “road” to hoe is right.

Back in the day, crops, planted in rows, had to be hoed to remove weeds.

This was, of course, before we started using toxic chemicals to kill the little buggers off before they had a chance!

When I’m on a message board, I like to refer to bold faced lies…