As part of my continuing effort to make everybody else’s life a little more surreal, I like to purposefully mix and/or mangle common phrases in everyday conversation. Most people, suprisingly enough, don’t seem to notice, although occasionally I am rewarded with an odd stare.
Here are some of my favorites:
[ul][li]We’ll just have to burn that bridge when we come to it[/li]
[li]It’s like trying to thread a needle with a haystack[/li]
[li]Half of one, six dozen of another[/li]
[li]I’ve got places to see, things to go, people to do[/li]
[li]If it’s not one thing, it’s two things[/ul][/li]Anybody else have some favorites they’d like to share?
Regards,
Barry
I once knew someone who was fond of saying: “That’s my name–don’t wear me out.”
(It was funny the first few times.)
I swear I actually heard this on ABC news once:
“If the founding fathers were alive today, they’d be turning over in their graves.”
“Does the pope wipe his ass on a bear?”
“It looks like your ship has finally hit the fan.” -Balki on Perfect Strangers.
A few I like …
“Up a gumtree without a paddle”
“That’s a whole new kettle of worms”
A friend of mine was fond of saying “Chunk it,” when instructing me to throw something out.
I thought it was funny that even after I told him the proper idiom is “Chuck it,” he continued to say it. But I took it too far. I started irreverently using the phrase myself, and he got upset at that.
I’ve been known to say ‘a day short and a dollar late’.
An apple a day spoils the whole barrel.
Too many cooks and not enough chefs.
All work and no play makes Jack a healthy, wealthy and wise man.
Killing two birds in the hand with one stone in the bush.
Water over the bridge/under the dam.
Glad to see I’m not alone in this! Keep 'em coming 
Barry
“It’s so hot you could lay an egg on the sidewalk.” -Kelly Bundy (on Married, With Children)
Wow, I love “We’ll just have to burn that bridge when we come to it.” The only ones I ever use are along the lines of “He’s not the sharpest bulb/brightest knife in the drawer.”
And of course there’s always that other variation on the bridge saying: “I’ll jump off that bridge when I come to it.”