Manhattan is a fuckwad, and Microsoft can suck my dick

I have the incredible privilege of making my living working with Microsoft products* for forty hours a week, give or take the occasional few minutes I spend under my desk with a gun in my mouth wishing hot wet death on Bill Gates.

The deeper one gets into the inner workings of Word, PowerPoint, and Outlook—my three main tools—the more frustrated and bewildered one gets, and the clearer it becomes that, absent any real competition, Microsoft doesn’t give a rolling fuck what its users really need. “Suck it, what else you gonna use?” It’s Bill Gates’s world: we just live in it.

I’m the king of the workaround, and can usually find a way to get any program to accomplish what I need accomplished, so when I come across the occasional situation when a function that seems basic and necessary is simply impossible, I’m probably reaching that horrified conclusion after a long process of trial, error, and escalating frustration.

Sometimes, when I’ve reached that point, I make one last desperate attempt to find a workaround: I come here, to this bottomless pit of information, and ask if anyone else out there has found such a workaround. Needless to say, propelled as I often am in such a moment by the momentum of frustration, my General Question sometimes carries a tone.

Add to this the fact that I’ve somehow become a very important part of Manhattan’s tiny little world: he’s as obsessed with me as a lover and, flattering though that may be, it’s a bit disturbing to me (think Clarice Starling at the end of Silence of the Lambs). He’s like the little bully in second grade who’s so fearfully in love with the nice, talented, intelligent little boy in the next row that he feels he must deny it to the world, and defensively (and childishly) and publicly torments the nice, talented, intelligent little boy in the next row. When I first came to SDMB, I spent all my time in GQ. I now stay mostly away, not wanting to responsible for the accelerated beating of Manhattan’s gristly little heart, and the possible consequent loss to all of us here at the Straight Dope.

So anyway.

My POINT is that just because I’m forced to work with Microsoft products, it’s unreasonable (though not unGatesian) to REQUIRE me to be polite when discussing them. So be it. All of my future Microsoft questions—god forbid there should be any more—will be duly Pit posted.

I hereby welcome ** Dooku** into this thread, to discuss his/her work—and mine—and try to understand the Microsoft culture that thinks it’s BETTER to alienate its users than to consider their ACTUAL PRACTICAL needs in the design of their products.

[sup]*I’ve accumulated more than 4,000 hours with PowerPoint, and maybe 2,000 with Word.[/sup]

What would be so fucking hard about phrasing your questions politely, and perhaps putting them in the newsgroups you were directed to, so that those in the know would actually spend their time to help you? Or is ranting more important than actually getting help? If the latter, then sure, post in the pit. Just don’t expect anything constructive to come out of it.

Is it too much to ask that even one person who does this could occasionally provide a link?

Just one person, once. That’s all I ask.

um, the link’s there.

And FTR, I’m no fan of Microsoft myself, but I’m generally polite to people I’m asking to help me, and I don’t rant in GQ because that’s not what it’s for.

No, your POINT must be on top of your head, because it’s PERFECTLY reasonable to REQUIRE you to be polite when discussing Microsoft’s products.

Hang on, calling Microsoft ‘Microsuck’ is now classed as a rant?

And another thing… why are you even trying to “discuss” anything in GQ? You want discussion, go to GD or IMHO.

Oog. My mistake. Carry on, then

::eek::

And has this inflated self-opinion been around for the last three years too, or is this something recent?

Go you. This matters how?

I was impolite to Microsoft, not to Dopers. Third-party impoliteness, if you will. It tickles me no end, however, that Microsofties get so defensive and bothered and pouty: “I won’t even talk to you until you say something nice about my boss.”

Fuck that.

I may post an anti-MS thread every once in a while just to see the softies come out to squeal in defense.

Newsflash, softies: Microsoft is an 800 pound gorilla, and doesn’t need you to defend it. What kind of damage can my puny little whine possibly do, that elicits such squeaky little yelps of enforced loyalty?

Oh sorry, forgot to include smilies to indicate exaggeration and irony.

Um, relevant background? Disclosure? Pick one.

Why be polite? Maybe because when asking for help with a Microsoft product in GQ it would be better not to offend the people who might best be able to help you because they like Microsoft products? Dumbass.

The point is that the people who are most likely to be able to help you are the people who are either certified in the product or people who <gasp> maybe even worked on the product.

Death to the Demon Bill Gates!!! Death to MicroSoft!!!

Computer promptly crashes and catches on fire

So. Did the suggestions provided in the GQ thread work for you? Just curious…

I’m forced to work with Microsoft products, and I’m able to be polite when asking a question about them. Why do you find unreasonable the request that you follow the rules of the board you post on?

Oh…oh, now that’s rich.

Perhaps it’s statements like that above that has manny “stalking” you, lissener.

Here’s a stepladder. Use it to get the fuck over yourself.

<snort>

Thanks for the soda all over my keyboard.

The responses confirmed for me that I had indeed exhausted all possible workarounds–I had already attempted everything suggested–and that Microsoft made it impossible for Word to do what I needed it do until version XP. I have since confirmed with my boss that he ain’t payin no $800 to upgrade me to XP (neither would I, unless I could charge Bill Gates with extortion) just so I can use my toolbars as, well, as toolbars.