Ahem.
That’s parlour, my good man.
Yarrrr!
Oh, you’re quite right. Sorry about that, old boy.
I’m in a daze, remember? That must be why I made the most pedestrian mistake of using the spelling favoured by those boys over in the Colonies. It just wasn’t very cricket of me.
Splendid! Just splendid.
I’m about to pop off to the Pub for a pint or two. Care to join?
Oh, drats! We can’t leave! Well, how about a nice little Port, then?
Jolly good idea, chap!
I’ll gladly join you in a nip of port, just as soon as I can find where you are, and where I am. I’m bloody confused just now, worse than a Highlander at a shearing.
For some odd reason, which has escaped me for the moment, I seem unable to move my upper lip. As though it were stiff. And I mean, ever so!
Ah, well. Lovely evening. Quite lovely.
You guys have me rolling.
If we keep taunting the killer maybe he or she will become angry and make a mistake.
Or kill us all in a huge spree.
Or maybe not.
Wake up everyone…
Let’s get this game back on track…
Everybody check in with where you are now, and what you’re doing.
I’m in the wash room off the living room. I’m curled under the sink, softly singing the lyrics to “Mama Mia.”
I’m being repressed in the peat bog.
Come see the violence inherent in the system!
I, Cynical Dreamer, am asleep in a chair in the Library.
I have gone back to the armory.
and I’m and yelling. I dare you to kill me!
[Gloat]
just goes to show that the squeal is never as good as the original.
[/Gloat]
I got distracted by all the jam I found in the kitchen, and I’m sitting in the middle of the kitchen floor with my hands in two jars at once.
Like Pooh.
I am doing my best impersonation of a weather vane on the roof of the house.
Whadjoodoo? Kill a pig?
You sure got a pretty mouth, NoClueBoy.
I’m in the wine cellar, wondering where our hostess has hidden the good bordeaux.
After spending a week in the secret tunnel, I’ve managed to escape by training a rat how to find and trigger secret doors. So I’ve wasted a week of my life in a darkened tunnel. But on the bright side, I’ve lost so much weight from not eating for a week that I’ll look great in that speedo I was planning to wear to the pool. [cue lightning]
For now, I immediately set out for the kitchen in search of food. On the way, I wander past two large wooden doors. Upon closer inspection, I see that the doors are enlaid with the impression of a night sky penetrated by two beams of light. In the crack between the doors, I can see that the room is dimly lit with flickering light. I hear a clicking noise and a humming coming from inside. I swing open one of the giant doors and find heavy curtains lining the walls and a movie being projected onto a screen. It’s a mini-theatre.
“Man,” I think, “this house has everything!” Just then, I notice the back wall is lined with shelves, which are filled with film cannisters, the title of each movie scrawled in black ink along the side of the metallic container. Among others, I notice “Friday the 13th,” “Nightmare on Elm Street,” “Halloween,” “Psycho,” and “Glitter.”
I sit in the front row to see what movie is currently showing. I hope its Gigli. I didn’t get a chance to see that while it was out.
The movie shows a disshevelled and emaciated man sitting in the front row of an empty theatre. The man watches the movie intently, oblivious to a shadowy figure moving slowly toward him through the darkness along the curtained walls. I can just make out the glint of the figure’s teeth crooked into a sinister smile. The figure is carrying something in its hands. Lost in the movie, I lean forward to see what the figure on the screen is carrying.
Ok That’s IT!
I’m taking over this game!
Here are the new rules.
1 EVERYBODY DIES!
Anybody, starting with me, can kill anybody else in the house provided that,
A) You are alive
B) It has been at least 4 hours since you last killed anybody.
If you get bumped off your twin may return to avenge you. Returning twins may avenge at any time.
Let the new game begin.
Zebra looks around the armory and selects a crossbow. He loads it and looks for NoClueBoy and finds him outside by the garden in what NCB thinks is the peat bog but is really the compost heap.
“Hey, NoClueBoy! How do you spell AAAAhHhhhhh?” Zebra asked him?
“Do you mean AaAAaahhhhh as in oh I’m dying or AAAahhhhhaa as in suprise and alarm?” replied NoClueBoy.
“I think you want the second one first, then the first one second.” and with that extremly witty remark Zebra whipped out the crossbow, took aim and fired a bolt into the chest of NoClueBoy.
“That’s what I think of people who point out typos and spelling mistakes!” Zebra yelled.
Zebra returned to the house to find more crossbow bolts.
**