I recently had an episode with a friend’s SO wherein I was insulted and threatened (my person and my property), and now, a week later, the friend and the SO are trying to spin the whole thing as a joke (LOL) that I’ve taken too seriously.
My take is that the SO was telling me the unvarnished truth; she has nothing but contempt for me, for whatever reason, and the only part of it meant to be a joke was the part where she said she was joking.
It seems like this sort of thing is portrayed in movies fairly often- the villain leans in and makes a threat to whoever is in thrall to them, then leans back, smiling, and pats them on the shoulder, ‘Just kidding pal, lighten up. (LOL)’
It’s been a while since I’ve been exposed to this particular sort of sociopathic behavior in person, so I thought I read up on it.
So I appeal to you, oh internets, help me put a name to this concept/power play wherein someone attempts to demean another in earnest and then plays it off as all in good fun.
upon review, I don’t think I’m right, but I’ll keep it here.
I’ve seen behavior like this before, but don’t have a clear name for it other than what I heard from a sophomore who just got out of her first psychology class.
I think there is a difference between saying what you mean, but then backing off and calling it a joke and making actual jokes of a teasing nature that reveal hidden, cutting, opinions. The second case I see more a Freudian Slip type situation (but not quite) but the first more of just covering your tracks to avoid a conflict or make the other person look foolish.
So the situation I’m describing lacks that aspect-the alteration or denial of real facts.
All parties agree on what was said, it’s just that we disagree on the meaning/intention of the speaker.
IvoryTowerDenizen, I’m picking up what you’re putting down. I do it fairly often- use humor to (try) to blunt real criticism, and frankly it’s probably something I need to work on doing less of.
But this episode seems to surpass that in a very calculated way, as if there was a gameplan as such-
Attack someone
Claim it was a joke
Attack/needle them in the future about their inability to take a joke
Minimisation is in play here, but it doesn’t rise to the level I’m thinking of. It seems like a tactic (oh I’ve been caught, let me backtrack) where I’m looking for a strategy.