Lots of parents have that problem. My late wife really struggled with her Mom’s need to treat her as if she was 6.
Yeah, the Villages is about the polar opposite of oddball Oregon. Self-selected for middle class whitebread conservatives. The sort who wanted to keep gubmint away from their Medicare. Until they discovered MAGA and found something even more conformist to worship.
There certainly more culturally welcoming places in FL. But none I know of that are low cost of living.
Good luck however you choose. It’s definitely an ugly spot you’re in right now.
I survived the first birthday party of the season (my son’s.) Nineteen people present. Should have stuck those earplugs in right when I walked into the reptarium. The place was PACKED. I managed to control the resulting headache with some caffeine at the pizza joint - and I gotta admit it was great pizza - then I put in my earplugs because the child next to me had a voice to cut glass. Sweet kids. So loud.
It was over soon enough, and the boy was happy.
My husband, bless him. As soon as we got home he said, “Take the kid in, get him situated with TV and then go take a bath while I bring stuff in.”
It helps to have a partner that understands you.
My sympathies to all of you with parental issues. Estrangement isn’t always easy, but it beats the alternative. What hurts the most is my Mom not seeing my son grow up. But that hurts less than having a relationship with her.
The thing is, there are more options than just total estrangement and complete enmeshment. There are ways to create distance without some grand declaration that causes family drama. There are some things that we do that might inadvertently encourage engagement, as I learned recently after having a hundred exhausting exchanges with my son. Eventually I figured out that I wasn’t obligated to respond.
Not that I blame anyone for choosing to go nuclear. I had to do that myself. But for reasons of family dynamics that’s not always an option.
@mnemosyne feel free to block your sibling’s email. Just send it straight to trash.
And thanks to a comment from @LSLGuy in a different thread I have finally accepted that I’m depressed. I made an honest mistake in traffic yesterday - it was very stupid but I was distracted by my son, and this guy I cut off was berating me and by the time I got home I just wanted to die. Today I had the thought that I don’t want to die, but it sure would be a relief when the time comes.
I have a history of severe depression. I have to take this really seriously. So I dragged my ass to personal training this morning. It helped.
Spouse Weasel and my therapist both want me meditating again, so I’m gonna do that. (I want that too, in theory. It’s just hard to do anything these days.)
If that wasn’t enough, I just spent four and a half hours at the Animal ER with my cat Summer. Not long after I got up today, she started crying and hopping when she tried to walk. I was afraid she was having a stroke or something. $400 later, they aren’t sure what happened. Her blood work was good, she seems in good health. She got a pain shot and an anti-inflammatory shot and they gave me some anti-inflammatory pills to start giving her tomorrow. I passed on the x-rays which would have been an additional $400 dollars. If she isn’t better when we see our vet next week, we can get those.
Seven has been getting her treatments for a week now. Insulin shots twice a day and visits to the vet twice a week for sub-q fluids. She is not happy about it and I haven’t seen much improvement. She freaked out today when I got the carrier out. She has an appointment Monday. I’ll take Summer in Tuesday unless she gets worse and I swap them.
The roofers were supposed to fix the roof this Monday but it turns out my shingles aren’t made anymore and they can’t find a close match locally. They are replacing all the shingles on one of the valleys on the front of the house so they need to match. It could take a week or so to find some. I just hope it doesn’t rain until it can be repaired.
But, hey, I’m racking up the points on my Amex card.
(My longstanding one is a coworker whose outgoing message on his office phone is “Hi, I’m not available right now, but I don’t check my messages so don’t bother leaving one.”)
I really wasn’t clear, sorry. My parents aren’t sending emails or any of that, it’s all sibling. And sibling definitely twists things in their favor, so my parents hear their “side” of things directly and mind filtered through sibling’s perspective. I love my parents and love how much they help my sibling but they are also kind of unable to get away from that…noise…and support me. So it’s easier to just shut up.
My sibling has done a lot for my parents, lots of help and support through a series of wild medical issues and taking them into their home. I’m grateful to my sibling for that. And their own issues…they are legitimately difficult not only mental but physical health as well and it’s a lifelong thing (since childhood). So psych 101 I “understand’ them. It won’t get better and can feel hopeless. Add the more narcissistic traits and that’s where we are. Sorry, I’m trying to be vague because I want to complain but not air the specific laundry, you know?
My parents have done their best, they aren’t perfect but they love us kids. No question. And I was always the slightly feral “independent” kid, so it’s normal for us that I’m a bit distant or quiet. But right now it’s all worse and I’m so, so tired.
This explains a lot of my clients at the pharmacy. They have recurring monthly prescriptions they want delivered. But they never answer their phone, they never return messages, or their voice mailbox is always full. Then they call and say, “Where’s my medication? I’ve been out for three days!”
FWIW, my GF has a sorta similar scenario with her Mom & sorta crazy narcisstic sister.
Sister’s been a selfish shit-stirrer since birth. GF has been the sane stable giving one. Mom used to keep those differences straight; loves them both but knows who’s who and why that matters. Sis & Mom live near one another in the same city, while GF is a couple hundred miles away. They’ve each lived in these cities for decades, so no recent changes there.
Sis does nothing practical for Mom but continuously stirs shit that GF has abandoned Mom and is the unreliable one. As Mom has gotten elderly and so the typical amount of dependent and paranoid, she’s slowly switching to believing Sis’s BS. Meanwhile GF pays 100% of Mom’s living expenses and found the nice independent living place Mom’s at. And travels there about quarterly to do all the accumulated backlog of little chores and errands that local Sis just can’t find time to do. Nor find time to even visit. But Sis has plenty of time to bend Mom’s ear on the phone about how awful GF is and why Sis deserves all Mom’s care and concern. And stuff (read $) of course.
Sigh. I get to defuse poor GF after each family encounter. It isn’t easy.
A real problem with wackos is that just like toddlers, they’re hell for persistent. They have literally nothing else going on in their head all day except how to push their pet issues onto their targeted people. So they push push, push long past the point the normies can stand.
Yesterday was moving day, with temperatures in the 90s. I joked that at least it wasn’t last weekend, when it was snowing. (And today it’s only supposed to be in the mid 70s.) Fuuuuck I’m exhausted. 6+ hours of loading and unloading furniture and boxes, and then after all that there were three new pieces of furniture to assemble. I could barely hold a screwdriver, my hands were cramping up so much. Today I’m just going to veg and watch all my favorite basketball teams lose.
You did your own moving? Jesus Christ almighty on a pogo stick! Don’t complain, be thankful! The last time I moved I was able to load a dumpster with stuff I was throwing out, and pack up a minivan with stuff I didn’t want the movers to take, but movers did everything else. The next time I move, the only thing I’ll be able to move on my own – maybe – is myself!
Well, the worst part is that most of my stepdaughter’s stuff was down in our basement, so we were either carrying stuff up the stairs or out the door then uphill. Thankfully her new apartment was on the ground floor, so unloading was a little easier. But yeah I’m getting too old for this stuff. (And we’re definitely hiring professionals to move her piano.)
I’m expecting St John’s to beat Kansas pretty handily, Iowa to get curb-stomped by Florida, and it sounds like Iowa State is missing one of their key players so no surprise if they get beat by Kentucky. So yeah, I’m not optimistic.
What’s wrong with stores this year? My very favorite Easter candy, Whopper Robin Eggs, are scarce as hen’s teeth. I was able to score a few bags at Target but I like to have a nice stock to ration out the year.
(NCAA Sweet 16~Nebraska Cornhuskers). Hope your favorites do too.
