I love The Weekly World News.
Well, I’m rather estatic myself.
And Jay Leno’s chin is fake! I’ve suspected that for years…
A new study has confirmed what many people have long suspected – most male poodles are gay! “The meticulous grooming and sassy outfits favored by most poodles have always made people suspicious,” explains Dr. Kip Gobblestock [!], a sociologist who directed the three-year study of canine sexuality. Interestingly, the study found that over 75 percent of male poodles are homosexual, while only three percent of female poodles are lesbians. These findings have led many to wonder if male poodles are born gay or if they become gay due to their environment.
Actually, I think Leno’s chin IS fake. I think I recall reading somewhere a long time ago that he’d been involved in a motorcycle accident and required some facial reconstruction of some sort.
Of course, I could be thinking of another plane of existence and be mistaken.
Good thing no one has caught on to the Rottwielers yet - those butch daddies hide it pretty damn well, but wave a Snausage in their face and they’ll salivate like, well, like Pavlovian dogs (that’s Anna Pavolva).
I happen to know that my poodle is straight. That’s why we had to have him neutered.
My poodle also prefers the short-all-over “lamb” cut to the sterotypical poodle trim.
However, like Rock Thistle http://weeklyworldnews.com/features/chamber/61562 my poodle has learned that 16,000-watt hair dryers are bad news.
The Weekly World News is the only paper that isn’t afraid to print the truth.
Call me cynical, I am am beginning to harbor a scintilla of doubt as to the veracity of some of the WWN’s sources . . .
buttered sturgeon?
My favorite thing about the WWN is that they clearly have somebody on the writing staff with more than a passing knowledge astronomy. Their goofy “The Sun Will Explode in Seven Years” and “Hubble Space Telescope Photographs Heaven”-type stories are not just all made-up bullshit. They’re written by someone who knows what they’re talking about–but who has decided to use their knowledge for evil. It’s kind of amusing to see what actual facts they report, and a what point the article goes off the rails and heads for la-la land.
My least favorite thing about WWN is that Yahoo! News runs WWN in their Entertainment News. Or at least they used to; I don’t see anything there today. Maybe they actually paid attention to my indignant e-mails. Anyway, some readers don’t catch the “Entertainment” part. Cue panic when they read in the “news” that prominent geologists say that the world is about to be cracked in half by a giant earthquake, or whatever. And they spread it to message boards, and more saps hear about it and freak out. Yeah, it’s dumb of them to believe a story like that based on one article on the internet, without confirming it with a reputable news organization, but I’ve gotten some really pitiful e-mails from naïve people who were scared to death. 
Crunch!
Cripes, there went California.
My favorite was an article about how police dogs were getting fat after constantly being fed donuts and coffee. Included was a picture. Of a pig, with a dog’s head photoshopped onto it. Only the head. Yep, a cloven hoofed doggie. :dubious:
TED KENNEDY GIVES FREE DRIVING LESSONS TO POOR TEENS!
“Poor Teens”? Try “Completely Shit Out Of Luck”
(he said ecstatically.)
Actually, my two favorite WWN headlines were part 1 and 2 of a story
First,
Satan Captured - apparently some monks in Italy had caught Satan and locked him in a shed.
Second,
Satan Escapes - when the authorities showed up to see the captured Satan, the monks opened the shed and Satan was gone!!!
The really scary part would be seeing the aging Marilyn over a subway vent, with dress blown upwards, exposing those sexy Depends. :eek:
must find bleach. scrub brain. evil mental picture.
Heh. Years ago I remember seeing a story about Satan being held in a special cell in a remote monastery in Spain that was run by Basque monks, who kept him chained by praying at him 24 hours a day.
Several weeks later, there was a headline about Satan being seen in a billowing cloud of smoke from a burning Alaskan oil well. I guess the monks fell asleep, but who can blame them? They’d been chanting for centuries.
Nonsense. If they’ve been chanting for centuries they’d be in the Guinness Book for for longest sustained chant. Or longest imprisonmint of a diety. 
WWN headlines are still fun, but the end of the Cold War dried up the source of some of their very best material. My very favorite Red-baiting snarl ever:
Drunken Russians Eat Bambi!
Evil Empire, indeed, not including Thumper in the party.