Geez, ShelliBean, what a mess.
It’s not something I could get past, but I really believe that if you both want to (and it sounds like you do) that you can.
Best of luck to you and your husband through all this.
Best of luck to you, Shellibean. I hope you guys make it past this and can go back to having a good marriage.
The book I recommended also addresses what is going on with the third party in the affair. It is totally normal for you not to care about her, or care about what she’s going through, but it might help you move forward to have a bit of insight into her situation as well. Chances are, she didn’t wake up that morning and say to herself, “I’m going to go wreck a marriage and get myself stupidly pregnant today!”
She does need to stop calling, though; that’s not helping anyone. This is probably worth discussing with your counsellor - would telling her that you feel sorry that she’s been involved in this, but she needs to leave your marriage alone now get her to go away? She’s a human being, too, and acknowledging her pain might go a lot further than legal threats, and the bottom line is you just want her out of your lives.
I answered the phone twice - the first time I said “I know who you are. I know what happened. Please stop calling.” The second time I was a little louder but not shouting - still calm - and I said “Please stop calling us. We are changing the phone numbers” and after that I just let it go to voicemail where she started screaming about him letting his wench answer the phone and that she was going to look up my phone number, find out where I was and come kick my ass. Then she called me a douchebag. It was real classy. I looked at my husband and said “Ya know, i’ve always wanted to be on COPS.”
The therapist has recommended that I stop listening to the messages and stop watching the phone to wait for her calls. I do think she got screwed over, but there is some point where I have got to quit thinking and obsessing over this and part of that is just letting her deal with her shit.
She hasn’t called back yet. My husband said she did this to him all before (keep in mind he hid this for about 6 weeks after he ended the affair/fling with her). He said he’d tell her to leave him alone and she’d go ballistic and then go away for a few days then start up later like nothing ever happened. So we’ll see.
Well, Shelli, you’re looking better and better just by staying sane. Yes, your husband “wronged” this other woman, but she’s no angel. She had sex with a man she just met and then claimed to be pregnant by him. Oldest trick in the book. Two nights in the sack is no guarantee of a relationship whether the guy is single or married. So, yeah, she got screwed, but no more than anyone else who’s ever been dumped. Two nights or even two hundred nights together doesn’t entitle her to anything. You’re allowed to break up with someone. Her behavior is completely over the top.
I agree with the therapist’s reco that you quit listening to this woman’s pyschotic ramblings and get back to the business of repairing your relationship. Changing cell phone numbers would certainly be a start. You certainly don’t want to engage in any more conversations with her as it sounds like she’s irrational and mentally off balance.
Okay, never mind my last post - she just sounds nuts.