Married/ committed guys - stores at which you're not allowed to shop

In My Humble Opinion
21

He’s either beaten or is chained to the basement floor and fed gruel for a week. :smiley:

Or maybe I just roll my eyes at him and call him a girl for shopping at Linens N’Things–and liking it.

If he brings home more books, he has to build us another bookcase as there is absolutely no more room for them and we are going to have to start piling them on the furniture where the dogs can’t reach them. If he brings home another kitchen gadget, we are going to have to add on an addition to our kitchen. If he brings home anything from an electronics store, he needs to prove to me that we really do need 3 DVD players in a house with 2 people who watch DVDs together in the same room, as I am not convinced.

22

My mother gets really nervous about my dad going out to Chinatown by himself to shop. Not as a money issue but because he comes back excitedly with large quantities of fish that can’t be stuffed into their already-crowded-with-fish freezer and she then has to cook up a lot of fish to consume it before it goes bad. He’s not a compulsive fish shopper that needs to be kept on a leash or anything but he grew up in a coastal town in India and I think it reminds him of the fish market where apparently you could get 16 Indian mackerels for 1 anna so he’ll come home with a boatload of frozen pomfret and mussels and tilapia and then they’re stuck in the kitchen cooking it. Not that they are that much better when they’re out there together but at least he doesn’t come home with whole carps anymore.

23

I assume then, by the last sentence, that you ensure he can get all he wants at home?

:smiley:

[Dives for cover.]

24

Yes, bordelond, it seems you are a bit brighter than some others in the thread. Ding ding ding! We have a winner.

Oh, I have tried so hard to get him to donate books or even store them away. No dice. We are simply letting the books take over the house now. We’ll be getting them their own zip code soon.

25

If I could close all the Guitar Centers in the greater seattle area, I would. Not that the Better Half overbuys by any means…I just don’t like going in there. Nothing for me in there aaaattt-all. I’m sure he’d like the close every PetCo, PetSmart, Denny’s Pet World and permanently close down petfinder.com. He wonders why I like looking at adoptable cats when I’m very allergic. (But they are just sooo fwuzzy and cwute). Or why I look at big fuzzy pups around the country, but hey…I haven’t the power to close the stores, so I’ll keep my evil plans to myself.

AAMOF, I usually have to convince him that it’s OK to buy the expensive-end tools. He always seems to pick out the cheap ones that lead to frustration for the poor Better Half.

I also do not enjoy the Depot or Linens & Things for that matter. But I go so the dude doesn’t get lonely. I actually like him…even with the occasional trip to the Guitar shop for strings and the like. Imagine that.

26

I don’t forbid my husband to shop anywhere. He makes money, he can spend it. He asks me before making a large purchase, though.

27

I am forbidden to shop in any or all of the following stores:

the anthrax store
the nuke store
the dead baby store
the endangered species store
the cocaine store

oops my TV show is back on. Later.

28

My ex wouldn’t let me shop at the hummer store either. It made it quite difficult to get across town when a large swathe of Colfax Ave was off limits.

29

You know, I think everyone has gotten the wrong idea about both my wife and me. My wife is not a controlling shrew who keeps me on a leash. Rather, she is a compassionate woman who has worked for many years in the not-for-profit sector at jobs that don’t pay very well. As a result, she is far more thrifty than I, and tends to do things like clip coupons and only buy things that are absolutely necessary.

I have worked in the far more lucrative private sector for several years, at jobs that pay very well. As a result, I have not really ever had to restrain my spending in any meaningful way before marriage. I never had to worry about paying the mortgage, paying the electric bill, affording that nice dinner out, etc.

If I buy something that is not strictly necessary from one of the Forbidden Stores, I would be allowed to keep it. But the purchase of the unnecessary and the frivolous bothers my wife, even if we can, strictly speaking, afford it. The experience of being able to afford the frivolous and unnecessary is somewhat novel for my wife.

I had assumed that other people read the words “forbid” and “allow” as we do, with tongue planted firmly in cheek. Other married people that we know in the 3-D world use these terms in jest. Apparently, other people do not approach life with the same humor that we do. (As evidenced by jarbabyj’s complete humor-ectomy.).

Now, that being said, jeevwoman and I have a system (now) under which non-agreed purchases of non-essential items costing a non-trivial amount (say over $100) are discussed in advance, and a case made for the purchase. 95% of the time, I am advocating the purchase, and very often it is a purchase of something available from one of these stores. If it is a situation where I am spending money received as a gift, no restrictions apply. (Witness - I bought a new 14-cup food processor for my birthday with money received from her parents and my parents. No questions asked, and Eva Luna inherited the smaller one we previously had). But when it is something that costs money out of our joint account, we have agreed to talk first.

The poll was meant to be funny, and some participants have treated it as such. I can’t help that others apparently have an emotional trip-wire that makes them politicize every single damn thing, but I will not sit idly by while others slander my wife, however indirectly.

30

This illustrates one of the pitfalls of Internet communication. Nuance is difficult to convey. Not everyone reads between the lines in the same manner.

JW, thanks for the compliment, but I maintain that I am in no way brighter than anyone in this thread. There were clues aplenty in the OP that JM was exaggerating for effect. It’s just that those clues happened to “speak” to me (I can relate to the fiscal tug-of-war you describe), and happened not to speak to others.

31

I gotta admit - I got this one immediately, too. Maybe because I am not “allowed” to shop at:

  • Guitar shops
  • rare book shops

without checking in first. But I am not on a leash - this is about avoiding checkbook surprises. She can’t make major purchases without me, either - we just happen to be tempted to stray off the financial plan in different places…

Common sense, good partner communication and fiscal responsibility, not shrewishness. Lighten up, perhaps?

32

Yeah, all my life that’s what folks have told me. Jar, they said, you just have no sense of humor.

Let me make it clearer. Women and men have long labored under ‘funny’ stereotypes including women being regarded as the ol’ ball n chain, emotionally beating their husbands into submission. Terms like HENPECKED, SHORTLEASH, and stupid ass t-shirts that say “She Who Must Be Obeyed” just make all this crap worse.

So when you make a ‘humorous’ OP alluding to this, that means you think that stereotype is funny…which it is not, primarily because there are people who still act that way and think it’s acceptable.

I didn’t slander your wife. Cripes almighty.

33

Bloody hell, jarbabyj. You’ve got the OP, his wife, and others in this thread telling you that the post was tongue-in-cheek. You’ve got an explanation by the OP of how exactly their financial relationship works … which, to me, smacks of mutual respect, not any sort of stereotype.

Just back out of the thread, and quit hijacking it. You obviously have nothing to bring to it. Let others enjoy the discussion.

34

And I’m explaining that while I KNEW it was tongue in cheek, it was not funny because it perpetuated an unfunny and unfair stereotype.

But really, carry on.

35

Perhaps you can shop all you want, just don’t buy anything. Unless it is for me. Then you’d be in twouble.

Jar–this is tongue-in-cheek, you don’t have to ask your folks if it is a joke or not.

Jar–I agree with your point that these stereotypes have gone off the deep end. Especially the fat guy / skinny wife sitcoms that include fat-guy jokes and “you’re a dumbass” comments when fat-guy does something “bad”. Ugh, and those Electronic Store ads where the wife (smartly dressed with purse clutched to her chest) and husband (wearing baggy shorts, tank top and untucked shirt) running through the store like an idiot. Oh and the JC Penny commercials where the Wife/Mom literally disappears to get the best deals! Oh yeah, that’s just PEACHY. Can you imagine them sitting around the marketing meetings and pulling these ideas out of their asses? Ugh. Ugh. Ugh.

36

Stop telling people what they shouldn’t find funny.

jeevmon, I hope you didn’t take my posts as slandering your wife. I wasn’t trying to. jeevwoman, it wasn’t my intention to insult you or your system. It just struck me as odd and slightly controlling until further details were given.

I see now the answer to my question; space issues.

37

The OP and his lovely wife are good friends of mine, and in fact I introduced them to each other. Trust me, the OP is no shrinking violet, and is certainly not the kind of guy who can be ordered around without his own consent. He’s a litigator, for chrissakes. Not that jeevwoman is exactly a shrinking violet either, but they have a relationship dynamic that works quite well for them.

But they also have limited space to keep stuff, and had to get rid of quite a lot of stuff when they set up shared housekeeping (I know this both because I helped them move in, and because I was a recipient of some stuff at that time.). This is why it’s in everyone’s best interest in the jeevhouse to minimize future purchases; it will just make more work in terms of deciding what to get rid of and how, and/or where the heck to put new stuff.

They have a system that works for them, and it minimizes conflicts, which makes everyone happy. And isn’t the whole idea to make everyone happy? But the OP and spouse have already addressed that issue. I’m just providing additional eyewitness evidence. However, can we agree that they are allowed to replace things that the dogs chew up?

[Disclaimer: having been the beneficiary of some jeevstuff when the OP’s household needed to make space after previous shopping excursions and/or aforementioned combining of households, I may have a vested interest in the outcome of jeevmon’s whole acquisitiveness issue.]

Now can we all just hug and smooch and be friends now?

38

Oh crap. I thought this was in the Pit. Sorry about saying asses in my last post. And then again in this post. BTW, she admitted she may not have the most apt sense of humor, but her point is valid. Better suited for a pit thread, which I think has probably been covered already…

39

Hey, jeevcouple, I got it.

And do my sis and I count? Because I am very close to telling her that Pesce’s and Meineke (the flower/garden shops in our neighborhood) are off limits.

We decided on a container garden this year, and when she came back from shopping on Monday, she showed me the first plant, nice, the second plant, pretty, the third plant, unusual, the fourth one, another pretty, the fifth one I was like, hey! how much money did you spend? Yeah, she sighed, I went a little over board.

This from the woman who refuses to buy toilet paper unless she’s sure it’s a deal, yep, the same woman. :smiley:

40

WordMan, Sauron, bordelond, **Eva Luna ** and a few others I’ve probably missed–thank you for your posts. Nice to know there are some out there who can recognize sarcasm when they hear it.

**jarbabyj ** and others–thank you for your committment to feminism. I am sure women everywhere are indebted to the sacrifices you have made so that others could come so far. You are an inspiration to us all.

jeevmon–thank you for what you said. I love you! Just to show you how thankful I am, I will allow you to buy a cookie for dessert today without consulting me first, ok? Just this once, though, and don’t stop at any other stores on the way home. :wink: