Exactly this. My wife couldn’t believe at the end of our first one how much time I spent with and on her. I think she had some fear I’d forget about her with a new naked woman in the room.
Voted interested/likely to decline.
That sort of thing has come up in conversation for us. Not threesomes, exactly, but “who do you find attractive / who would you sleep with” discussions. It’s an interesting and titillating conversation, but realistically it is not the kind of thing either of us is likely to follow up on.
I do find some of her friends attractive, but I respect their relationship agreements and it would be rude of me to even float the idea to them. She has said to me that she finds some of my friends attractive, and I have said in response (and honestly, not in a sulky, “well, go ahead, then, see if I care” tone) that if she were interested in an affair, it might as well be with someone I respect.
To summarize: we’ve both thought about it, we’ve talked about it, it makes my pants feel tight to think about it, and then we go into the bedroom and take it out on each other rather than living it. I trust her to make good decisions, and she trusts me the same.
I recognize that our relationship and viewpoint is not terribly common, but the blind-rage responses kinda scare me.
Male, 38.
The girl (who I refer to as Girl Wonder on these boards, though she is not a member) who is now my wife and I had a threesome once. We had split up, and she was dating another man. He was bisexual, and wanted to sleep with me. He got on her cell phone and arranged the “tryst” without her knowledge.
Once I got to their house, she learned of the plans, and consented.
He never did anything to me. He wanted to, but I wouldn’t let him. In retrospect, I dunno if it was out of fear, or what.
She and I are approaching our 2nd anniversary. I keep telling her she owes me two women since we did the two guy thing. She agrees, but we have yet to agree on the other girl, and I’m recovering from back surgery at the moment, anyway.
Of course I’m worried. It seems I have a wife. Apparently we met, dated, and got married, AND I DON’T EVEN REMEMBER DOING IT!
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If she is going to leave me for another chick, which by historical data does seem likely, I don’t think the experimental 3 way would change the outcome one way or another.
Kombatminigirlfriend is bi (sexually at least, if not emotionally), so if she suggested it, it wouldn’t be out of character. I won’t pretend she doesn’t enjoy staring at a par of tits as much as I do, the difference being that I have access to a pair while she doesn’t. I’d enjoy a threesome both out of the sense where she’d be getting something I can’t give her (tits), and just for the hell of it.
There’s a ton of stuff we’d have to discuss…ground rules what that could happen which would make the whole event suck, but that’s a hurdle I’ll jump when the day comes.
I voted that I would decline but not be worried. Then I realized that the scenario would have my husband proposing a 3-way with a guy. That would worry me because I have always known him to be 100% heterosexual.
This, pretty much.
First of all, my BF is dead straight, so him proposing a threesome with another man (or the sort of boyish lesbian I have been attracted to before) would be shocking and yeah, kind of repulsive.
Anyway I already know his opinions on three-ways (which also apply to any other situation that would involve me having sexual contact with anyone other than him, hah) - I would be so spooked at such a sea-change I’d suspect brain damage or mental illness (or, you know, aliens taking over his brain).
I’ve never had any interest in threesomes, three people sounds like an awkward crowd to me. Plus potential for drama is exponential. I don’t think I’d ever have sex with two other people under any circumstances.
Maybe surprise buttsex would be better?
I’d worry my hubby was going mad, as a threesome would cost him his job in the USAF.
I’m in a 23-year monogamous same-sex relationship. We have a very close friend whose partner had died some time ago. We both love him so much and have discussed the possibility of each of us partnering with him if either one of us died. We even brought the subject up with our friend on one occasion, and he got all excited about being with either one of us. And yes, the three of us even discussed the possibility of a 3-some, but left it somewhat unresolved. I think if even one of us seriously wanted it to happen, it would.
I’d be surprised, and probably wouldn’t be into it, but I don’t think it would make me angry at all. In fact, the responses about getting seriously pissed or looking for divorce attorneys kind of surprise me. IMO, in a healthy, long-term relationship, spicing things up in the bedroom via three-way doesn’t really seem that outlandish to me. Again, I’d be open to talking about it, and might suggest a compromise, but I don’t see why it would piss me off.
I would definitely be worried about anyone who would not definitely be worried.
And there’s no hope for anyone who suggests such a thing.
I’m worried that you’d be worried about folks that weren’t worried.
I guess there’s just no hope for me!
Actually you just saved your own bacon!
Because you are now “worried” you have just dropped off of colonial’s list of people that aren’t worried.
If she suggested including a woman, I would wonder why she wanted to have sex with a woman, even if I was involved. If she suggested including a man, i would wonder why she wanted me to have sex with a man, even if she was involved.
Another vote for “this must be a brain tumor or something”. It would be like her suggesting we rob a bank or something.
Regards,
Shodan
Exactly.
What, are you worried the other man might shake your hand?
I agree with Baker.
an seanchai
Yeah, I’m single, but I’ve thought about this as a thought experiment. Since I don’t have a wife in mind, I don’t know if it would be out of character or not. But I do know it would be the one thing that would cross the line into me caring more about myself than her. Sex is a big deal to me, and I do not want to involve another person in it, even if it would make my wife happy. Nor would I be able to take her having sex with anyone without me.
It seems so strange how I find the idea of “lesbian” porn erotic, find two girls together more attractive than one, but would not want to have sex with the two women, especially within the bounds of a relationship with one of them.
(Lesbian is in quotes because it often seems to involve non-lesbians–either in the actors or in the fantasy.)
Like I always say, never trust a Rhymer.
Decline, Worried.
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My soon to be ex-wife knew it was a fantasy that I was never able to follow through with. She didn’t care that it was a fantasy. It was very clear that it would never happen. She had some very crazy jealousy issues. I would have been very confused and a bit worried. Especially if she suggested a man because she would know I wouldn’t be into it.
My girlfriend who I am very committed to let me know she has no problem with me checking out women since she would be too. If she suggested it I would most likely jump at the chance. But her portion of the female population that she is attracted to is very narrow so I have doubts it will ever happen. For survey purposes I put down my current situation.
this is interesting to me because i am in a very good marriage, my husband is very devoted but I have always known his ultimate fantasy is a three way, I recently told him I will go for it if we can find someone unfamiliar to us with certain other restrictions, very similar to what you suggest. I don’t think we would do it regularly but i’m willing to try it and if it fulfills his fantasy I don’t see a problem, hes great and I trust him and I know he would never cheat. I say someone unfamiliar because I don’t want to have issues thinking a friend may still be walking around wanting him or something. So I say sure if your in a good relationship with lots of trust, why not try, you can always stop!