Married/Living Together Couples and Money

In My Humble Opinion
1

This thread is inspired by Rilchiam’s pit thread.

First, before I start, this is not meant to be negative toward Rilchiam in anyway. I just wanted to find out how everyone else does their money.

My husband and I have two checking accounts and one savings account. In both our names. All the credit cards are in both our names. All money we make just gets deposited into one checking account and then we take out what we need at the beginning of each month and put it in the other checking account. We also put money for car insurance, clothes, etc., into savings.

He pays the bills, I enter everything into Quicken. On big money items (say over $200 - unless it’s a gift for one of us) we make the decision whether to spend or not together. Anything under that, we just spend if we want to. This works out well for us.

I like having our money together. I like the feeling that it gives me that anything that comes along and everything we do, we do it together.

How do you do your money with your SO? Why do you do it that way?

Especially, if you keep it separate and have his and her (or her and her or his and his) bills, why?

2

Well, my hubby and I keep it pretty separate.
I buy groceries and household things, and he pays the bills.

Why?

No reason specific. Its the way each of our parents did it, and we’re used to it.

It makes it easier on the both of us, we agreed in the begginning that would be the way, and we’re both fine with it. I make far less money than he, and I do have personal bills I take care of, I only have two credit cards in my name, he has a checking account, I do not, I detest them.

There has been times when one or the other has needed extra cash, and if the other has it, we’ll give it to them, theres no IOU’s or anything like that.

We don’t really have money problems, and as far as I can see, we don’t make it that way either. With big purchases on either side, we talk it over. And we have saved together for some things as well.

3

Right now, SvenSo and I have our own checking/savings. Most of the bills are in SvenSo’s name, for money reasons (he qualifies for discounts) so he usually pays it and I write him a check for the rest. We usually switch off paying for grocery shopping.

Big items which are for both our use (such as the new gaming box or our digital camera) are decided and pay for together. Non-shared items, like his Motorcycle or my shoes, are our own responsibility. Sometimes we cheat- he makes a lot more than me, so he takes care of some stuff that is technically his but ends up being shared, like the car. We have very different spending styles- he likes to work hard and spend hard, and I prefer to be lazy and thrifty.

I’ve always thought that when it is time for a joint bank accout it is time to get married. For the time being, neither one of us can really change our spending habits. It is just to complicated with our students loans, parent’s help (we are both students) and different incomes. At some point it will make sense for us all to throw it in and set out on our financial life together, but that time is not here yet.

4

Well, since you asked, I have lived with my girlfriend for only a little over a year now, and we pretty much live like roomates.
Sure, we have only one room and we sleep together and what not, but other than that it’s pretty much like any other roomate I’ve ever had.

We both have checking joint checking accounts is about the only difference…

Rent is 50/50
ditto phone
ditto power
ditto all other bills, except cable modem, which is mine. (Mine! You hear me? MINE!! You can have my cable modem when you pry it from my cold, dead hands!)

Anyway, we split all things down the middle, including groceries and other sundries.
This works out well, because what is spent on things that I don’t use at all, ever, such as tampons and the like, is balanced by stuff that is supposed to be for me but ends up getting used by both, such as razors.
I once asked her “Why did you use my last razor?” to which she replied “I was all out, and I needed to shave me bits!”
Fair enough. I reap the benefits of shaved bits, so I’m amenable to that.
but you know, she has never asked me “Why did you use my last tampon?” and I have never replied “Because I was out and I needed to staunch the flow!”
This world is a strange place.

Anyway, other than that, all of our money is separate. If I want to buy the whole first season of the Sopranos on DVD, I can do it. As long as I pay the other stuff, what I do with my money is up to me, and I like it that way, because I buy a lot of silly, useless shit.

And so does she. In fact, it has become somewhat of an issue, because the silly, useless shit she buys generally takes up a lot of space, though the nice man in the sweater on the infomercial said that it will fold up for easy storage under the bed.

True, alack, she is an infomercial junkie. If there is a product “As Seen On TV!” it is most likely in our house.
From George Foreman’s that grill to Tiger’s that juice, to abs that roll, it’s there.

Bummer.

5

I have a checking account with my name on it, and both our paychecks go into it. My wife handles all the finances, though she consults me on everything important. I used to sign the checks, but now she just forges my signature. We’d have both names on our account but my wife had some problems with credit and banks in the past and can’t get a checking account.

6

I’ve been living with my fiancé for 7 months now. We keep things 100% separate. We have our own checking and savings accounts. Bills are split down the middle (except for personal stuff, like individual cell phones–). Groceries and household items are shared, but not officially. Whoever goes to the grocery store pays.

So far, it works for us. I like feeling that I can spend my money without having to discuss it with him. I’m sure he feels the same way. Before we get married, though, I really want to sit down with him and hash this stuff out. Watching my parents struggle with poor financial decisions and planning has made me extra careful about that kind of thing.

7

We have totally separate bank accounts, but split all common expenses down the middle. Rent, utilities, groceries, whoever buys it keeps track of it by marking it down on the wall. (Even though it’s been on the computer for 3 years, we still call it the wall. )

This has worked fine for nigh on 10 years.

8

My partner and I are arranging a new separate-and-together arrangement.

Right now we have individual current (checking) and savings accounts. We pay equal shares of mortgage, insurance and council tax. We pay utility bills, groceries, petrol and car maintenance on an ad hoc basis. We try to keep things equal but it tends to be that I buy more groceries and he buys more petrol. We add things up at the end of each month to make sure things are more or less equal. We make sure things are properly squared up at the end of each quarter. The problem with this is that sometimes I feel like I’m paying more than my fair share because I always pay the grocery bills and most of the utility bills. The cost of the car does balance this out, more or less.

Our new arrangement will include a joint account in addition to our individual accounts. We’ll still get paid into our individual accounts, and we’ll arrange a monthly standing order from our individual accounts into our joint account. All bills will be paid from the joint account. Luxuries, fluff and stuff will be paid for from our individual accounts. We’ll budget for our regular outgoings in setting up the standing order, so we should know that most of the money in our current accounts at the end of the month is in fact spare, and so some of it can be shunted to a savings account, or used to make an extra payment on our mortgage.

9

Myself and my SO bought a house together ( we are not married). How we work it is this :

I pay the mortgage on the house. She pays all the household bills and buys the groceries. We split the car expenses. And though it might not sound it she comes out of it a lot better than I do.

10

We still have two checking aqccounts, a hold-over from when we were juts dateing. However, they has really turned into “bills” and “cash” accounts, not “his” and “her” accounts. His ATM card got demagnitized a month ago, and since then I have deposited everything into my account. I suspect that whenever we move somewhere new we will just have one account.

The fact that we are poor simplyfies things–after groceries and bills we have almost nothing left, so it is pretty easy to find ways to spend that that we both agree on. Some months more gets spent on him, some months more gets spent on me, but it works out. Major purchases are always decided on together, although the person whose “area” it falls into makes the real decision.

I am the one that actually sits down and writes the checks once a month, since i sort of enjoy that and he hates it.

11

My wife and I have a simple arrangement:

I make the money. She spends it.

-or-

to put it another way, we have a single-income household in which I bring home the paycheck, while she retains control over the bank accounts.

Some say this is a disaster waiting to happen…

12

We kept everything rigidly and totally seperate. Which made for a breakup with a minimum of bloodshed.

13

When my hubby and I first shacked up, he wrote me a monthly check for half the expenses.

A little later, we got engaged and opened a joint checking account. Our paychecks went into the joint account, and an equal allowance came out into each of our individual checking accounts. This was a fantastic system and I highly recommend it. My sister does the same thing, except their allowances are ratio’d slightly for income.

A couple of years ago the children arrived. About the same time my husband nearly tripled his salary over two years and I almost doubled mine. The seperate checking accounts became kind of moot, more bother than they were worth. With kids, we didn’t spend money on the same things - money was being spent on kids, when we had time to spend money. And the raises meant their was enough for us to spend on ourselves on occation without worrying about the other partner. Now I just watch our balances, and every couple of months put my husband on a spending diet.

14

Moi and I have a joint checking account,into which our paychecks go. Moi handles the monthly bills, while I handle long-term financial decisions. We’re still in our first year of shared bills, and we’re itemizing expense so we can come up with a yearly budget and financial goals. We always consult on major purchases. The only down side is gift-buying. If I spend $100 on her now, it’s kind of like spending our money rather than my money, but whatever.

15

Wow. I’m surprised. Most everyone that replied has separate finances. Shows you how much I know about the world.

Do any of you find that there are arguments or hurt feelings because one of you perceives that they paid out more than the other, during the month?

Is it just second nature to you so that you don’t feel like ‘roommates’ and still get to feel very much a couple, only with separate finances?

I actually find this very interesting.

16

My plan for when I get married is for both of us to maintain our individual accounts, and then to open a joint account for paying bills. Then we could each put around 75% of our paychecks into the joint account for paying for anything that is for both of us (bills mostly). This percentage could be adjusted as well, if we find we need more money or have too much.

Seems fair to me, since the person that makes more money will pay more towards the bills. I’m the one that makes more (right now) so it’s ok with me. If the situation changes and it’s a problem for her to pay more, then we can change it to an equal dollar amount instead of a percentage.

I’d like having my own account for buying my toys with my own money, rather than spending some of her money on them. Plus it’s easier to buy gifts and things using your own money, since you don’t have to get approval from the spouse first.

Seems like a good plan in theory. We’re both very good with money management, so I think any system will work anyway.

17

This is an interesting topic - I am always amazed how, even between the closest of friends, this is not something that many people are comfortable discussing. My wife and I have two totally different philosophies - I will share any detail with anyone, she wants complete privacy when it comes to discussing personal finances.

We have one checking acct. that operates as a pass-thru account. We pay the mort., utilities, & spending cash for the month out of this acct. When it is dry, we are broke. We have one savings that accumulates cash and we make investment decisions with this dough. Also, major purchases come from account.

Since I am the only one with an income - she stays home with the kids - I decide how much of each paycheck to distribute to each acct. Usually I go with minimum of 12% to savings. Also, I contribute 15% of my income to a 401(k) account until it is maxed out.

I find that having a no-touch policy on the savings acct. is important, as it creates spending discipline. When the checking runs dry on the 24th of the month, it sucks. So to avoid that, we try to be thrifty with the spending dough that we have. It is a co-operative effort for sure,and it would never work unless we were on the same page so to speak.

It just seems that if you are going to be married and a team, you have to be in agreement and in unison when it comes to financial matters. This arrangement fosters mutual-sacrifice, as every dollar I spend is one dollar that she cannot spend, and vice-versa. Therefore, you must take the other person into consideration before every purchase.

18

Peta T. and I have two checking accounts just to keep our money spread out. (Never know when your bank might have a problem, after all.) Both our names are on both accounts. My paycheck goes into one, hers into the other. Right now, I am mostly responsible for actually writing out checks and mailing bills, but she does most of the budgeting. Any big purchases, like over $50-75, we consult each other on, but other than that, we’re both free to spend whatever we want from either account. We don’t have “her money” and “my money”; we have “our money.”

19

We do things pretty much like c-goat. We each have a checking acocunt of our own plus a joint account. We made a budget accounting for rent, groceries, ultilities, etc. and came up with a necessary montly amount. Then we added up our combined income and figured out who made what percentage of the total, and we pay into the joint account accordingly. That is, if I make 60% of the money, I pay 60% of the bill money into the joint account. We have one joint credit card that we use for budgeted items (groceries, gasoline). Any other cc or bank accounts are held individually and we can each do with them as we please.

This system works out great for us. I like not having to consult my husband if I want to spend $300 on a handbag and he likes to not have to justify to me why he needs a remote controlled car. It’s also great at gift giving time. This year, I’m giving him (well, us really) a trip to Paris for Christmas. If this were coming out of joint money, I would feel the need to consult him lest he feel he would have rather spent the money elsewhere. As it is, I can give him a great gift with no strings attached.

In my first marriage, we had one joint account. To make a long story short, that arrangement persuaded me to come up with our current system.

20

Mr. Seawitch and I have seperate checking accounts - the same accounts we have when we met. We also have a joint savings account, and a money market savings account in his name. Really, though, it’s all one big pot of “our money” - we just move it around as bills and interest rates dictate. I pay pretty much all the bills - he has some prior obligations that he takes care of, and I have about five or six times the disposable income he does. Neither one of us considers money a high-priority item in selecting a mate, so it’s no big deal.