That is THE longest rant I have ever read.
I too, shall never forget the “smell of fermenting monkeys” line.
Band name!
Welcome to the boards. MD/PhD student in molecular genetics here. I feel much of your pain, having done the rounds through teching in large animal research labs (dogs and sheep). Did you know a sheep is so stupid that you have to smack it to get it to breathe once it comes out of anesthesia? At least I only had to do it in normal surgery scrubs, not in protective suits. That experience is nearly the sole reason I decided to get my PhD using fruit flies – no mouse facility training, no incinerators, no freezers with dead goats in them, no mouse heads floating in glass vials, no cages left too long and filling up with hundreds of pups, no karmic issues after hundreds of cervical dislocations with screwdrivers, and most of all no goddamn “I don’t wear leather, don’t eat meat, no way on the animal research but can you give me Augmentin for my fucking head cold” PETA trash. I love the poster “Animal research ensures that these people can protest for 7 years longer.”
If they want to be activists, then they aren’t allowed to take Tylenol. Every single FDA approved drug goes through extensive animal research, with each trial involving gruesome deaths for hundreds of lab rats, rabbits, and primates.
chuckle
Well said Edwino, well said.
Theres a good reason why I’m going to do my PhD in Virology. The vast majority of experiments can be done with blood samples obtained from various animal centers.
At least you got to do cervical dislocations with screwdrivers… When I took my Immunology course in undergrad we grabbed the mouse by the base of the neck and the tail and pulled until we heard the snap 
At least it didn’t take me long to moralize it… We were using the spleens to identify a genetic marker for lupus, with interesting results. Another lab section suffocated them by placing bricks of dry ice in air tight chambers, that seemed too cruel to me.
I have no problem working with blood, doesn’t damage the animal a slight sedative a few moments and the animal is back in its habitat no worse for wear. However you should hear about what nasty things monkeys can have in their systems.
Good luck in your research!
I love this rant. Love it. This was the rant that healed me. THE RANT THAT HEALED CRANKY!
It smacked a bit of Nicholson Baker’s The Mezzanine. A good thing.
Keep writing, your lordship. I worship thee.
I’m assuming you’re a medical lab tech?
“Join the medical lab tech force”, they said. “See every gross secretion that a human being can possibly make on a daily basis.”
Great rant, CRorex. I was right there in the lab with you, hunting for the BSA and smelling the funky monkeys.
featherlou
Yep, I is a medical technologist. The job that leaves you with absolutely nothing to talk about over dinner.
Unless you don’t like your dining companions.
Got any extra banana flavored pellets CRorex?
Eek, eek.
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Well, when applying, don’t forget about my institution (Baylor College of Medicine). Top ranked graduate school with access to some of the best hospitals in the world. If you want more information (like about our phat stipend) gimme an email.
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