This is obviously a hypothetical question, and no, I do NOT need an answer fast…
In fiction, human flesh tends to be treated as the most irresistable thing that the diner has ever tasted. In the real world, of course, cannibalism is almost always an act of desperation or a matter of religious ritual, neither of which are treated as being particularly enjoyable. From my admittedly limited understanding, it seems that human meat would taste pretty awful considering how much garbage we put into our diets and how we have comparatively little muscle mass that sits idle. Ethical questions aside, if a well-trained chef were to endeavor to prepare an entree of human flesh, is there a particular “cut” that would be naturally more tender or flavorful? Would it have a texture or flavor comparable to a less taboo food animal? What kind of wine do you serve with that meal?
Carla: If the Brady Bunch crashes in the Andes who would they eat first?
Woody: Well probably the maid, 'cause she’s not kin…
Cliff: Yeah, but if they were smart they would ask her the best way to prepare herself.
–“Cheers” (NBC)
I believe the buttock meat meat to be far too fatty for carpaccio. For that you want nothing other than the tenderloin.
How one would prepare human flesh will also depend on the human. For example, for Cowboy Chili, some would argue that cowboy meat is too tough to be served any other way, especially since the spices tend to kill the taste of whatever the donor may have been smoking, drinking, or chewing. Others discount this argument, but agree that chili is a practical, quick way to serve Man in a well-disguised form.
For all the traditional emphasis on steaks, chops, and roasts, the fact remains that the most nourishing parts of Person are the organ meats.
One of the better chefs in Hollywood was Vincent Price and his recipe for Curried Boy is a favorite of mine…
I’d process the carcass the same as I would a deer, discarding all the organs and trimming away as much fat as possible. Then I would grind the flesh into sausage seasoned with red pepper, cracked fennel, anise, and paprika. I’d probably make this into link sausage as I prefer it over bulk. Grilled and on a roll with some fried peppers and onions, this’d probably make a pretty good sandwich.
No! You can’t eat human meat! You’ll get The Hunger - one taste of delicious delicious human meat and nothing else will ever satisfy you for the rest of your life. Next thing you know you’re shopping in filthy Asian butcher shops, then sneaking a hotplate and some beer into a morgue, and finally luring overweight homeless guys back to your apartment. Stay away from human meat!
Person taste probably varies wildly based on the composition of that particular person.
I’ve had turkey from the store and wild turkey, and they taste vastly different. Same with domesticated pig vs wild boar.
Ditto bison meat vs regular corn-fed cheapo beef.
If you’ve got a wiry athletic person to fix, you want to look at marinades, tenderizing methods, and probably some heavy spices to counteract the “gamey” flavor. Recipies for goat or for wild game are probably your best bet for a starting point.
If you’ve got a couch potato person to fix, look at nice fat-heavy recipes like for traditional southern ribs or for roasted pork butt. Alternatively, recipies intended for very fatty meats like duck would probably work nicely.
I wonder…is the tenderloin tender in an upright-walking creature? It’s my understanding that it’s very tender in pigs and cows and such because being quadrupeds, the tenderloin doesn’t get exercised - it’s the muscle “furthest from hoof and horn”. But given the tight backs of so many people, I bet the tenderloin isn’t so tender on a person.
Heh. This whole thread brings to mind that Nero Wolfe story where our hero is addicted to a secret-recipe sausage that he’ll do anything to learn the ingredients of. (The real secret: it ain’t pork.)
Which, just for the sake of completeness: brown chopped onions in goose fat, add enough brandy to cover the onions, add twice as much beef broth and an equal amount of good red wine, and then add breadcrumbs to get a thick mush going – making sure you add half as much chopped boiled bacon as The Mystery Meat, for a flavor that’s almost (but not quite) like sausage. Scald some intestines for a decent casing and you’re all set…
I’d look for chimpanzee recipes, guessing that the meat is similar. Yes, I know that chimpanzee meat is illegal most places, but I bet there are old recipes out there somewhere.
I’m not big into brain, but if chimpanzee brain is decent to eat, I’d guess human is too.
Since humans are omnivores I’d think that the meet would be similar to bear in that it would be greasy and very gamey. I think the best bet would be a strong marinade with lots of salt and either an alcohol or acid as a tenderizer. After that I would look into a low and slow cooking method either brazing or BBQ.
Personally I’d look for an inactive person and bbq a standing rib roast. Enough horseradish and wood smoke and you could cover any gaminess remaining after the marinade (I’d go with a bourbon/soy sauce base). To serve I’d go with a full bodied red wine, a thick spicy gravy and some caramelized onions.
On a side not I think I’ve come up with dinner this weekend but I’ll probably use beef.