Is your coffee purified with donkey urine? Is Juan Valdez’s cheeky smile hiding this awful truth?
Tell me, what is the secret of your stentch?
See, I come from a long line of coffee drinkers. Everybody I’ve dated or lived has drunk coffee. I was in grad school for years, and so believe me, I’ve had my share. But nothing comes close to the unholy and putrid vapor that arises from a fresh pot of your “coffee.”
It gives me migraines. Throbbing, dear-god-turn-off-that-damn-tv- and-those-blinding-lights migraines. Blinky light, on the floor, puking migraines. Even if I come into a room an hour after a pot of your swill has been brewed, my nose knows. And unfortunately, the rest of my head feels your wrath soon afterward.
So tell me, Maxwell House, and be honest- it’s the donkey piss, right?
You can take a right off 880 South, Washington Ave. Exit, a right on Halcyon, and go to the big green ugly building by the BART tracks. Get a visitor pass, and ask the grinders personally. It’s owned by Kraft foods, and they process it there.
Oh, for pity’s sake. If you like real coffee, good coffee, go to cupofheaven.com and order some from them. You shouldn’t be buying coffee in the supermarket in the first place.
(I’m not kidding. If my son didn’t work at That Well Known Place Where They Make The Staff Wear Green Aprons I would buy **all **my coffee from Cup of Heaven.)
Maxwell House and Folgers both smell and taste strongly of ass. While I don’t normally consider myself a food or drink snob, that’s definitely where I draw the line on coffee. I would say it’s the velveeta of coffee, but I actually like velveeta.
That probably explains it, overlyverbose, Kraft owns Velveeta, too. :smack: I couldn’t believe all the brand name foods they own. Their Kona coffee only has something like 12% Kona in it.
My wife purchased as a Christmas gift for me one of those coffeepots that grinds the beans automatically. I have noticed that the coffe tastes much better when brewed in it, even the same beans I used to grind before.
I feel like the reason is that as soon as the coffee is ground finely enough to drop through the screen, it leaves the grinder, and does not get further ground. My previous grinder had too wide a particle size distribution, because by the time I had the larger pieces ground to size, there were too many beans ground to powder.
Now that I know this, I realize that the old, cheap grinder which I had been using had been diminishing my coffee drinking experience. If you are not happy with your coffee, try upgrading your grinder.
Maxwell House is standard issue coffee for local government agencies and departments throughout the United States. If you want something better, you have to pay for it yourself; otherwise, it’s the institutional-size containers of Maxwell House that arrive via the purchasing department.
It doesn’t quite smell like ass to me, but rather like a compost pile that somebody peed in.
It’s owned by Kraft foods, and they process it there.