Ok, here’s the story. I’m divorced and my son stayed with me. My ex-wife developed a certain loose bevahior with men. She married again but her behavior remains the same. This is only the background.
Now, three years later, I lived a “fantasy” (but then I didn’t know it when I was living it). A woman (let’s call her “G”) who I know since childhood (Im 39 and she 32) was living in Japan with her second husband (from this country, he was only sent there because of his work). Her family was well known in my town and marked a decent one. We both always had attraction for each other, but never happened anything before that. Eight months ago we met her by email and started chatting by messenger. She told me she wasn’t happy in her marriage and that she had been always in love with me since she was a little girl. I was happy then because I like her too, and we started a “torrid romance”, chatting daily. It would have been a real sin if she wasn’t taken the decision of returning home, divorce her second husband and starting a life with me. She said I was her top of man and she didn’t think it twice. One month later, she announced her husband she were returning to our town.
“G” came back, leaving everything behind (house, a potential family -no kids-). The day she arrived, we started a formal relationship and her family wasn’t agree but she accepted it anyway.
Time passed and “G” started to show signs of instability. Lack of self-confidence in the relationship, and a very suspecting behavior concerning “her privacy”. She liked to have many friends by email (most of them men), but she accused me strongly with my women friends. I swear I wasn’t doing anything bad (otherwise I wouldn’t be writing this), just friends. But she started with great jealous and I couldn’t say anything about her. I thought I was in love with her, but I began to untrust her.
Then I had some debts to pay and she oferred to me that a friend (married with children, living in a near city) will lend her the money I need (not a big amount enough to have a legal problem) and he did it. At the beginning, I deny it but I needed it and accepted it. It passed some more time and we couldn’t reunite all the money and she started to offend me that I was a “loser”, and a lot of insults. Our relationship started to break down and suddenly was over. In the last days, she only talked to me to remind me how “bad”, “unfaithful” and “dangerous” I was and she was an “angel” instead. Everything she did, she did it “for love”, she was “pretty decent”, and refused all kind of “undecent stuff”. She even called my former wife a “slut” and a lot of things more. She decided to finish the relationship going away to a well known city from Mexico: Cancun, invited by a woman friend of her.
I clearly see that she wasn’t honest with me. She bored with a stable relationship again. What I did wasn’t very bad. In fact, I’m paying her the money, but she used it as an excuse to make me feel bad. Some days before her new departure, her friend, who lend the money to her, came to say her goodbye, and some people saw her with him. They kissed and maybe another thing. I was devastated, not because of my love for her, but because of all things she accused me.
Now talking with other friends, they have told me that she divorced of her first husband because of her infidelity (thanks, you should have told me before), when she claims to be a victim of him. And they know another bad things about her (with other men). With her second husband, she didn’t like him, and she claimed (that was she told me) that she married him because she thought that an “ugly” guy will be faithful, and he wasn’t. And then she started the adventure with me, because she thought it will be the “real love”.
The point is I know her since many years ago, and I never suspected she was that way. None of her closest friends, in fact. Even her family protects her and think she is a “victim of circumstances”. She blames everyone for her previous actions, and I have become a new “bad guy” in her life. She has two older sisters happily married. But she has two marriage failures now and I clearly see she doesn’t want to be happy with one guy.
Why she does something that she can’t aprove? (dating with a married friend), and now that I know it and she knows that I know it, I can’t confront her, at least, to make her accept what she really is. I wouldn’t call her a “slut”, but I bet she has a justification for every “undecent thing” she does. Is she some kind of mentally ill? Is she secretly conscious of what she does but disguise it with puritanism and hypocrisy? Or does she like to have every men she likes and tries to feel good telling lies to hersef?
Am I alone in this situation? Why, if I’m sure I don’t love her anymore (I can’t love anyone with that conduct), still I have this heartache?
Please, don’t blame me, I’m only sharing my situation with you, help me to identify what I feel. Maybe that will me feel better. You can ask questions if you want some additional info. There’s no problem, since no one of my friends enter this boards.