My hubby has never been one to ask me about kissing, but he’s right out there about everything else. He doesn’t do subtlety. He doesn’t read clues. He is clue illiterate. He has been known to come right out and ask about sex (“So, wanna fuck?”). I’ve always thought it was unfair of one partner (mostly women, I think, but I’m sure some men are guilty of it, too) who think “If my partner loved me, I wouldn’t have to ask for this stuff; he’d (or she’d) just know”. I figure, if I really love him, I’ll adapt myself to his form of communication, which is quite outright and overt. This has worked for us quite successfully for over 20 years. We’re one of the most happily married couples I know.
:: nods ::
I suspect that is is possible to learn to read the subtle signals to some degree, but in my case, at least, it will never come naturally.
I like what norinew said: why should not both parties in communication adapt? My trainer co-worker taught me that, in communicating with an audience, for best success you start with the language the audience already speaks.
And that’s in spite of what I posted upthread. I was referring to the ideal situation there, where both participants in the communication understood all the signals, both subtle and non. 
My current amour and I were friends and had been for a long time (as in measured in years). He was a close friend’s ex, and my ex’s close friend (ya see the problem, this would cause?!) and we spent a long time deciding whether our feelings for each other were strong enough to risk the uproar our relationship would provoke.
This meant that we’d already discussed the extent and profundity of our feelings and the gravity of the relationship we were to embark upon before we’d laid so much as a hand on each other.
Then we told the assembled masses and chaos ensued.
At last we were alone together, having declared to our nearest and dearest how much we felt for one another and risked losing some very important friends. And still not so much as a kiss. We didn’t kiss all night either, because after all the furore it was rather difficult to hit a natural groove. Might actually have been the ideal time for one of us to just outright ask the other one. Eventually we had a few drinks and it just sorta happened and then we were good to go! But talk about losing all the casual impetus to just let things develop!
Possibly the only situation for me where asking might have been more natural than not, but we muddled through anyway. But otherwise, I’ve usually just been swooped on or done the swooping (women can swoop too!). It’s certainly preferable to a fumbled request from a nervous suitor. But maybe if done right, with courage and conviction, it could work?? Hmmm.
Or an interpreter to act as a go-between. The only tricky part is, y’know, stepping out at the right time. Few things would be as awkward as watching your translator kissing your honey. 
But then we need a translator to understand the body language of the translator…
I’m seeing a Monty Python sketch in this. 
By the way, we haven’t even gotten into the “Can I kiss you” versus “May I kiss you” debate. How many grammar geeks would take “Can I kiss you?” and respond, “I don’t know - can you?”
At least one!
In answer to my own OP, I think last time I was asked, I was non-commital - I think I said something like, “If you like.” He was a bit put out at my lack of enthusiasm, and things petered out soon after. Then he turned into a creepy stalker, but that’s another story.
Definitely a swoop-preferrer.
Weedy? WEEDY?
When I was doing the dating thing, I ALWAYS asked permission for the first kiss. And every single one of the ladies I asked:
- Thought it was very gentlemanly and romantic.
- Said Yes.
- No, I am not going to say Hi, Opal!
How do you know they thought it gentlemanly and romantic? I wouldn’t likely tell a guy to his face how dorky I think asking for a kiss is, but I’d still be thinking it.
On the few occasions I have asked, her body language let me know that she was receptive a second ago, but that changed immediately after asking. It’s only worked once for me, all other times it has ruined the chance for anything to develop, and that one occasion was only redeemed because I’m a good kisser. I could tell she was dubious but not willing to cut me off before we started; in a second or two there was a lot more enthusiasm.
You always have to read signals and improvise with relationships. Kissing is like any other part of it. I don’t swoop, but I don’t ask either. I read the situation and go with what I think is best at the time. Sometimes that’s fast, sometimes it’s really slow. Depends on the woman.
I don’t quite get the people who say they can’t read signals. It’s pretty clear that if you lean forward, and she turns away or backs up, she doesn’t want to be kissed. If she’s not interested in you, she won’t even let you get far enough into her personal space to make the attempt unless you’re disgustingly pushy. She won’t be holding your hand, or letting you put your arm around her, and touching her leg will get an agitated twitch away from you. It’s not that hard to see when she really and truly is not receptive.
For the truly body-language illiterate, who would miss even signals like those above, I guess you’ve got no choice but to ask. If you still push on in the face of negative feedback like that, you’re constantly courting an assault or rape charge. But in my experience asking is going to be a turn-off for many women. It’s not like you’ve got no hope, you’ll just have to find a woman who likes it that way.
That sounds about right to me. Every single time I was in a position to make advances, I knew from her response to my “intrusion” into her personal space that she was interested (or not!) and made my moves accordingly - ether to go further, or to back off.
Some women are clueless, too, I should point out - many will give off negative body signals when the don’t mean to. Women, if you ever wonder why your chosen fellow isn’t moving in on you, the answer may be he’s too shy - or alternatively it may be that, when he makes his moves, you do not appear receptive - leaning away rather than leaning towards, backing off when he’s ‘too close’, etc. I know for myself that I would not persist if I got negative signals.