Thanks. But it’s okay. Doctor brought home some burn cream and tegaderm bandages. They make it gross and even oozier. It’s annoying but will heal eventually I’m sure.
Mostly I’m pissed at myself for being so stupid.
Lesson learned (I hope). I will use the handy footstool when retrieving stuff from the too high microwave from now on.
Soooooo I can’t believe that at 31 I can still flip the high school drama bitch switch. Let me set the situation up for you:
My friend “Anna” is pregnant with her first child and we’ve been emailing back and forth, since you know there’s nothing I like better than talking pregnancy and babies. Anna wasn’t part of my group of friends in high school and I wasn’t part of hers, but somehow we became friends with each other. We’ve kept up on and off ever since.
“Kylie” was one of her friends. Kylie was an “oops” baby late her parents’ lives–she has three siblings all at least ten years older than her. Her older parents and older siblings raised her with… how do I describe it… a self-righteous sense of being more mature than other people her age. Kylie irritated me by doing the same things I did or wanted to do and then crowing about how great she was over and over. In elementary I had an underdog friend who I actually hung out with; Kylie started giving the kid the dessert out of her lunch and then berated me in front of others about how I wasn’t nice to the underdog. In high school I got a job in a store to, you know, earn money, while Kylie got herself a volunteer “research” position at the hospital and talked it up (to death) in science classes, whereas I’m the one who actually ended up getting a college degree in biology. Then we both got PhDs and LORD don’t you know she walks on water (whereas I’ve abandoned my research area).
Third part of the setup is that I’m conflicted about having a second child because pregnancy and the first months of infancy were so hard for me to handle. I want another child but really don’t know if I’m up to the task. My labor was a clusterfuck–precipitous contractions and dilation, baby was face up, baby got stuck, baby’s heart tones were dropping, I got a c-section under general anesthesia. Then I failed to breastfeed.
So Anna and I are chatting about labor and I share my story. Her reply?
“Kylie had a pretty scary experience so I don’t need to know any more about that. I am visiting her newborn this weekend, he was 10 lb 3 oz!”
FUCK THAT BITCH. What the FUCK could have happened that was scarier than a fucking stuck baby with fucking dropping heart tones and a c-section under general anesthesia? Obviously Kylie’s labor is more fucking important than mine though so I should just shut up. Oh and her baby was bigger than mine so SHE WINS!
If you want to be a smartass about how I feel, fuck you. I needed to get this off my chest.
Oh, and the Howard’s End incident in junior high English class. The movie had just come out and I’d been to see it. Kylie had been to see it too, and brought it up. I said that I hadn’t liked it (I mean, who likes that movie, especially compared to the book? It was a fucking complete failure to grasp Forster’s essence). Kylie pursed her lips and said “I loved that movie.” Then the English teacher nodded and said “maybe you aren’t mature enough to appreciate it.”
AARRRGGHHHH FUCKITY FUCK FUCK FUCK. And I’m the one with a fucking graduate fucking degree in English novels and Howard’s End is my fucking favorite book and I STILL HATE THE FUCKING MOVIE.
Try my trick: Log out.
It works! If I can’t keep myself from “just checking the Dope quick, even though I should be doing something else”, just peeking can be quick.
If I can’t respond (even though someone reeeeally needs to hear my life-changing advice), it can be a fast ‘dip in the pool’*. What takes serious time is formulating a post, proofing it (okay, punching up the snark), and then the real time-waster…
Checking back to see if The Poster I Either Really Helped Or Inadvertently Insulted replied.
*(Or, if it’s the Pit, “cesspool”)
Sweetheart, I’m pretty sure she meant to say “AAARGH, I’m FUCKING PREGNANT, SHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUP with the SCARY BIRTH STORIES, DAMMIT!!”, but was trying to be polite.
She was probably just pissed at Kylie fro being a clueless ditz, and didn’t want the same from you.
Seriously, WHY do people tell Scary Birth Stories to pregnant women? SHUT UP about your horrible birth until the other baby us born, then compare combat scars if you want. Or tell the stories to people who aren’t pregnant.
But I’m right there with you on the other shit, fuck Kylie with a sideways cactus. And your idiot teacher too (he probably liked the movie, the stupid ass.)
Yes. Please do. Let’s have a worldwide hiatus on scary birth stories until August 15, ok? (I’m due 8/13, and I’m already quite scared enough as it is, without hearing any scary birth stories)
In my defense, the jist of my story was “your fears about labor are way worse than labor itself, no matter how dire the labor gets. When you’re there experiencing it, that’s all there is and you’re dealing with it, so big whoop. You can do it.” And I left out the part about wondering how I could be in so much pain and not pass out.
Just remembered, with pleasure, an incident in high school in which Kylie rear-ended somebody (in the car her parents bought for her so she could drive to her volunteer research position at the hospital) because she was busy twiddling the radio. Heh. Heh heh. Heh heh heh.
Here’s an antidote for those stories: I went in for a routine exam scheduled the day after 'lil Andrew was due. He hadn’t dropped yet. My OB said he was borderline too big to deliver vaginally, and it would be much safer for all involved if we did a c-section.
We scheduled it for the next morning. I went in at 6am with family waiting, had a spinal block (which I barely felt), and half an hour later had a beautiful baby. Never felt a labor pain. Andrew was never in any danger. It was wonderful.
(Since this is the Pit, not MPSIMS): I will add a hearty “Fuck you!” to all the scary labor story people who told me I didn’t really ‘give birth,’ I just ‘had an operation.’ I have stretch marks to this day. I have a wonderful son who came from my womb. I gave birth-- I just did it better than you! 
FUCK THOSE BITCHES. Who the fuck said that to you?
I loved my c-section also. If I get to have one with the next kid I will consider it a Total Win.
I’ve done a round of email with Anna since my first post. I tried to sidestep Kylie’s story but Anna had to explain to me why Kylie’s was worse (rolleyes). I guess Kylie had a lot of bleeding and tells people she “almost literally died”.
Lord, fucking drama queen. You’re under modern medical care. Chill the fuck out. Mimi and I would have died without it, too, just in a much slower and more painful way. But you know what, WE HAD IT SO WE’RE ALL OKAY. So shut the fuck up.
I don’t think being someone who would have died giving birth without modern medical care (or having a baby who would have died without it) is much of a distinction. It happened a lot, back before there was modern medical care. That’s one of many reasons why I’m glad I don’t have to try to give birth without modern medical care.
Fuck you Apple, I’m sick of your shit when it comes to MPEG-2. About 4 years ago I got a camcorder that stores files on a memory card as MPEGs. Little did I know at the time that my old Apple laptop (pre Intel processor) couldn’t go a damned thing with those files, I had to convert everything into Quicktime format, on my work computer then send it over to the home computer.
Fast forward to today, I came into ownership of a more modern iMac, and am running Snow Leopard. Stupid iMovie 11 won’t let me import the MPEGs I have stored on my external hard drive*. I also can’t play them in Quicktime unless I spend $20 on software. Stupid Shit.
*Turns out, you can import MPEGs, but you have to phony up a “camera archive” hard drive path and put all the MPEGs into one folder, then the program suddenly realizes they’re movie files, when the regular import function throws up all over them. WTF?
Fuck you nick.com. I gave you props for allowing viewers to watch complete episodes of The Legend of Korra outside your “area”. Now, however, you don’t. Three episodes in. Well, I suppose I’ll finally learn the work around.
I am thinking about starting a thread about the Dopettes who hate me. I’ve been here less than 2 months but man them bitches be ruthless. Then it occurs to me that some of them may be dudes who act like catty women. Then I pit myself for giving a shit because most of these women seem to be fat ugly lonely miserable loser hags who are living out their middle school fantasies by screaming “see world? I don’t have to cry in the girls room anymore! I can go online and hide behind my computer and get my pussy posse to back me up and I too can be a mean girl!” Then I feel sorry for them so I let them have their moment in the sun. Here’s to you, Carrie!
You should totally do that living_in_hell. We haven’t had a good autopit in quite some time.
So today is “Star Wars” day? That’s fucking stupid. If everything gets its own “day”, pretty soon other days dedicated to important stuff will have no meaning at all. This stupid fucking shit already feels like it’s cheapening important holidays like steak and blowjob day (3/14).
neuroman, it’s a pun, May the 4th… be with you
I had a five hour labor with no epi necessary for my first birth. It’s not always hell.
Telemarketers who call back after you tell them to fuck off can literally drop dead. The world would be better place if some people were not in it. If I tell you not to call my house then don’t fucking call my house. If you call my house without permission to sell me shit you deserve to be a telemarketer for the rest of your life. And you deserve to spend your off hours living next door to the guy with the 2 a.m. car alarm and constant barking dog.
Nah–I’ll probably get banned. 
You sound like a fat, jealous loser. 
If you want to join the pussy posse just ask. You don’t have to make a post. I’m sure the Queen Bee will let you join.