April showers may bring glowers (Mini rants)

The BBQ Pit
1

I’m tired of waiting for a clever person to title the new mini rant thread.

I have an ear infection. It’s yucky.

Even worse? Apparently, in my fevered state Tuesday night/early Wednesday morning? I went on a letter writing campaign. I sent emails and messages to my cousin. To my husband’s former sergeant. To my state representative! I just found the evidence today.

The opinions that apparently seemed so profound while I was under the influence of Benadryl and elevated body temperature sound - as one might suspect - thoroughly crazy pants today. Now I gotta write apologies.

2

Me too.

3

Not me. Say what you will, I’m patient.

4

My boy woke up 4 times last night. Now I have to go pretend to be awake at work.

Is there a sleepy emoji?

5

Does your work include creative writing? If so, I’ll take some more antihistamines and pinch hit for you while we both nap.

(BTW, I’m pretty proud of the fact that my spelling and grammar were flawless, even if my messages were weird! So I have that going for me.)

6

I’m sorry, I’m sure that’s pretty alarming, but from where I’m sitting, this is hilarious. I’m envisioning equally awesome apology letters:

"Dear State Representative,

I apologize for my previous letter, it was written while I was drugged and feverish. I assure you that this is not a normal state for me.

When I said that we could easily solve all of the state’s fiscal problems by importing narwhales and having them perform shows for paying customers, I clearly intended to say orcas, which are much more trainable.

Also, I would like to retract all of my conjectures regarding your lovely daughters. Those were inappropriate remarks for a public forum.

Best regards,
Your most dearest Lacunae"

7

“If said daughters are on their way over, please disregard this message.”

8

Mrs G is a friend to all animals, and normally I love her dearly for it. However, she thinks I should “coexist” with the two large hornet nests in our carport that my head passes within 6 inches of every time I go to my car.

I got a couple of cans of raid, a thick hoodie and shop goggles, and sprayed the everloving fuck out of those nests, misting glorious clouds of poison death into their cuddle-huggy ecosystem.

Sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do.

9

Seriously?

And in a few months when your entire garage is covered with hornet nests and you’re stung into a coma?

10

Wow, I’m a pretty hard core animal lovin’ human bean, but when it comes to hornets, if those scum suckers establish residence within 10 feet of my home and/or other property, I say nuke the behector out of them!

11

Sorry, but hornets, wasps, yellow jackets, and fire ants get nuked with every environmentally destructive pesticide available.

Also, mischievous? I had no idea you were with one of those secret squirrel letter agencies. And my recommendation about giving the governor a wedgie was pure hyperbole.

12

Lin-Manuel Miranda desperately needs a makeover to do something about his butternut squash-shaped head. He seems like a nice guy, and he’s popping up everywhere these days, so it would please me if he was made to not look so weird.

13

Oh, come on. You’re not going to leave us hanging like this, are you? SHARE!

14

Yeah, went to Batman v. Superman last night, forgot to start the thread,

I was thinking something along the lines of “April’s Aggravating Asperities”, cause I do like me some $40 words.

Whelp, there’s always next year, or August,

-DF

15

I like this title

16

You’re just giving me and my meds the benefit of the doubt, aren’t you? (Thanks.)

And I will not share those fevered scribbles. Suffice it to say that I have very specific opinions about a couple of fairly obscure state laws, and I admire a family member for putting up with my cousin - her mother in law. Who I pray never ever ever ever ever gets wind of the fact that I think she is a nightmare of a mother in law. Because she could and probably would beat the freckles off of me!

17

**Spice Weasel **I hope you adjust to your meds soon. Not being able to drive for 6 months is pretty bad in today’s world. You have my sympathy.

My very minor rant is stores not stocking enough of my favorite coffee syrup. I get that I’m not alone in liking white chocolate coffee syrup. When I see some on the shelf, I buy 3 or 4 bottles. That doesn’t happen often because the shelf is almost always empty. If there is such a demand for it, it would only make sense for stores to stock more so they can sell more and make more money.

Also, I pit pollen. And allergies. And boxes of tissue that look just like the lotion saturated tissues and are on the shelf right next to the lotion tissues but when opened are found to not have lotion on them. Yeah, yeah, I know…I should actually read the labels, but its my rant and I’ll just ignore that part.

18

Me too.
I always breathe a sigh of relief when the mini-rants aren’t pre-emptively titled by some *N0000ß *with a long, convoluted twist on a line from a forgotten B-movie. So a succinct pun on a well-known saying is good.

19

Grass … sunshine … mowing … fuck Spring, I hate you

20

I just posted in GD whilst on drugs. Flipping allergies. At least I didn’t send letters to my congress people, even thought I have many things to share. Orca’s are a very good idea!