OK, if it’s a big, impersonal event, sure, check Maybe Attending as a passive aggressive form of not attending, I don’t care. But if I’ve carefully chosen the guest list and it’s an event that actually requires some advanced planning, please for the love of god, change your status as soon as you know one way or the other. How am I supposed to know how much food to buy for dinner if I have 4 attending and 6 maybe attending?
The worst is the people who resolutely remain Maybe Attending despite several messages politely reminding them of the RSVP deadline. Look, I can see you on facebook chat, I can see that you’re writing on people’s walls, would it be so hard to check one fucking box and save me some drama?
The first person to invent Facebook poke-in-the-eye will be a multi-billionaire. I’m imagining something like the closing scene from Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back.
Whenever this friend-of-a-friend that I totally detest’s roommate has a party (did that all make sense), I check “Not Attending” and leave it at that. I don’t need to be around them, they annoy the fuck out of me.
And yet, my friends rag on me that it’s mean, because I am the only one that checks not attending and aw, can’t I be nice and maybe do maybe?
It’s because of people like that, that the maybe function is ever popular.
I had to cancel on a really fun-sounding party because it’s tomorrow and it’s going to be in the high 90’s and I just got a cast on. I feel awful because I didn’t know I could come until a few days ago and it was a “we need the cash in advance because we’re ordering shirts plus food” thing, so I kind of was relieved that I couldn’t go. But I never get invited to anything and I was really looking forward to it.
I wouldn’t create a Facebook ‘event’ for anything under 20 people. It makes it seem too informal. It sounds like you’re planning a dinner party - that’s the sort of thing you plan by email, phone or private message, surely?
There are times when I appreciate being an Old Fart. The worst case was, after posting an Open Party invite (with thumb tacks and written by hand because Xeroxing was too expensive), a young lady arrived who was the TOTALLY FOXY ex-girlfriend of the guy across the hall, and she was wearing a PINK ANGORA SWEATER!* And I was so smitten that I couldn’t remember her name.
And I played Stupid so well that she left.
There is some thread, a decade old, in which I relate some, but only SOME, of my triggers. Pink angora goes back to riding the bus in second grade.
Look, they did RSVP, they checked “maybe” which is a response option in the software you’re using to organize the party. If you don’t want people to RSVP “maybe” use some other method of sending out invites.
You have 6 maybes, call their asses or send them a message asking them to confirm whether or not they’ll be there now, because you need to buy food. Don’t “politely” remind them of the RSVP deadline, ask them the fucking question you want answered.
Edited to add… by “send them a message” I mean a personal individual message, not some system generated reminder, talk to your guests.
I don’t understand the kids these days. Is this a real party with Facebook invites? Or some kind of online party? Can you throw a party on Facebook?
Only partially kidding…
What we generally do is use Facebook events invites for very large and impersonal events, like concerts or book signings or come-one-come-all parties. Where a hard head-count isn’t needed–just a ball park figure if that. Where the invite list is anywhere from 50 to 200 people. I just don’t recommend using it for events where you need a head-count.
I’d consider a message like the following: “Hey, I’m sorry you won’t be able to make it to this party. Hopefully you can make it to the next one! Do let me know in advance: I like to buy the food a couple of days before the party.”
And then I wouldn’t send it, but would rather fume quietly.
Man, am I the only one who uses the Maybe option? Say my friend sends out an invite to a bunch of us to go to a bar to watch a basketball game at a bar. I’d like to go watch the basketball game, but I also have to write a memo on NATO expansion and read 200 pages on the education system in Ghana. Will I get any of this shit accomplished in time to go watch the basketball game? Maybe.
But then I always add a note to the invite page saying “I have a ton of work to do, I hope I can make it.”
If it’s a more formal event, where someone is actually buying food, I like to think I’d be a little more accurate about my intentions, though.
Shalmanese, *don’t fucking use Facebook *if you’re planning an intimate event where you need to know exactly who can attend. It’s your own damned fault.
Seriously. If these people are worthy enough of your time and energy to invite them to your home and cook them a meal, they’re worth more than a freaking Facebook invitation. Make a phone call. Send a personal e-mail. Don’t be so damned lazy.
Facebook communications are worth exactly the paper that they’re printed on. If someone thought that inviting me to something via some mass Facebook invitation application was sufficient for anything more than a casual “random people meeting for lunch” event, the friendship would be done.