McDummy Rant

I don’t have anything personal against McDonald’s, I just not a real big eater of greasy food. As a result, I do not go to these places often.

However, I’ve been battling the Annual Autumn Headcold this week. As a result, I have spent my time sleeping and slurping fluids and teaching kleenex to dance (by blowing a little boogie in them, donchya know) rather than cooking. The husband desired a hot breakfast this morning. In the interest of marital peace (we’re both cranky, both having colds) and because I felt up to it, I went to McDonald’s to obtain a hot breakfast for my loving companion.

Well, there was the usual early-morning clusterfuck in the parking lot. Goddamn, people - they aren’t going to run out of food! Slow down and take turns. Jimminy Cricket, you can’t ALL go through the drive in at the same time.

So I decided NOT to go through the drive in. I parked and went inside to stand in line. Most of my fellow line standers were civilized this morning. Mostly, they weren’t very awake and meekly lining up for their fried grease and coffee. All well and good. And if someone ran into someone else or stepped on someone’s foot due to early morning incoherence there would be much less damage than SUV bumper-cars.

Except - there’s always an except - the daffy lady wandering around, hopping from line to line, obviously somewhat confused. I think we would have liked to confront her on this behavior, but no one really had the energy and … well, she was that sort of vaguely creepy that leads a long-time city dweller to suspect drug abuse, mental illness, or some combination of both. In which case putting up with Daffy Line Jumper might not be the worst possible outcome. The rest of us did understand the concept of “taking turns” and if letting her go first got her out of our way, so much the better.

OK, Daffy Line Jumper finally got the attention of one of the order takers. At which point she went into a long thing about how she wanted her pancakes well done. The rather patient order taker tried to explain, several times, in words of one syllable, that the pancakes were pre-made, already cooked, and she’d be happy to warm them up to roughly the temperature of plasma but they wouldn’t get any more “done”. They were already “done”. Daffy Line Jumper couldn’t quite wrap her mind around the concept.

I never did find out how that exchange ended because it became my turn to order. I distinctly said “Two bacon egg and cheese biscuits with four hashbrowns”. The order taker repeated what I said - I was listening, she got the verbage right - I paid, and stepped aside ot await my food. (Actually, the husband’s food, minus two of the hashbrowns. I do like my greasy potatoes. Mmmmm… greasy potatoes…)

Well, along comes the food. “Here’s your sausage biscuits and hash browns! Have a nice day!”

“Ummm… what did you call these?”

“Sausage biscuits”

“I ordered BACON egg and cheese biscuits.”

Me and the chirpy bag-stuffer both looked at the order taker. She shrugged. “Same thing.” and turned back to her register.

“Nuh-uh. I ordered BACON egg and cheese biscuits.”

“The sausage tastes better.”


WHAT is it with the McDummies? This is not about what YOU like, it’s about what the CUSTOMER likes! It is NOT the same thing. Bacon /= sausage! The only thing worse than the foam-rubber biscuit/yellow floormat cheese/fried gristle bacon combo is the foam-rubber biscuit/yellow floormat cheese/fried brillo pad sausage that’s actually in this bag. AGH!

The nice bagstuffer apologized and corrected the order. I thanked her and dodged the drive-in line to get back to my car.

Almost made me wish I’d had a sneezing fit all over the counter. But that wouldn’t be fair to the innocents that would be exposed to my cold viruses after I left. Still, I was having Evil Fantasies about a really good, snot-laden nasal explosion over the McDummy, followed by an “Oh, I’m so sorry… that just snuck out on it’s own…”

Anyhow, the husband was most appreciative of my efforts and very shortly we will retire to the bedroom to snore loudy in each other’s ear, sneeze on each other, and fight over the last remaining box of kleenex in the house - loser has to move to paper towels. Ah… the bliss of married life…!

I think this is one of the “in sickness” parts…

ACHOO! >snerk<


No way! S/he said that! BWAHAHA!

But the sausage really does taste better, so NO SOUP FOR YOU!

“Here you go. You eat it. I want my bacon egg and cheese biscuits. Now.”

[grumpy cold-stuffed husband]

We’re out of Kleenex? Why didn’t you get some while you were out getting breakfast?




It’s all about the Egg Mc Muffins, my friends.

Bacon egg and cheese biscuits were the one thing I used to occasionally indulge in after I stopped eating everything else at McD’s. They really were tasty. There’s some chemical in that “cheese” that goes directly to your brain’s pleasure center with a French tickler.

I love McDonalds sausage.

Hmm. Come to think of it, that’s about the only thing I like there.

Agreed. That, and the breakfast burrito are the only things i get there for breakfast. i do loves the “burrito”

Steak Egg and Cheese Bagels leave everything else in the dust.

Waitaminut…the pancakes are pre-made? When I was at McD’s, we made them on the grill.

Your McDonald’s had a grill? We had to heat them over a fire.

You had fire? Luxury!! We had to use a magnifying glass and the sun.

… and we were grateful

Actually, Rilchiam, I’m with you. When I worked at McDonalds, pancakes were made on the grill when ordered. I also figure that hotcakes and sausage or sausage biscuits are the best thing on the menu, but there’s no way I’d dream of giving one to someone who ordered a bacon, egg, and cheese biscuit. It’d be like giving someone who ordered a chicken sandwich a Big Mac.

My mind boggles.

Good luck with cold and hubby, Broomstick!




Thang you (sniff). I’m sure I’ll be better just in time to go back to work tomorrow…

I loved these, but it just so happened that I had one on the morning I had my gall bladder attack and wound up being ambulanced to the emergency room. I’m sure it was just a coincidence, but I can’t bring myself to even consider eating one - and it’s been 6 years!!

Actually, I can’t remember the last time I entered a McD’s - eons ago.

I worked there when it changed over. It was big relief, but it took awhile to get the Qing (microwaving) times right. A lot of cold/atomic pancakes got served the first few weeks.

Wait minute.

If it’s about what the customer likes then shouldn’t they have made her pancakes well done??? Ha. Got you there!

:smiley: Just kidding. Here’s a kleenex.

(BTW what IS a well done pancake? And are you less sophiticated for ordering one?)

It’s no longer pink in the middle, and the blood doesn’t ooze.

That’s actually pancake myglobin.