I won’t go into details, but my son’s ex-girl friend is pregnant. They are not going to marry and my son is going to take all responsibilities both financially and in being there for the baby. He makes very good money and is very patient with children. He will make a good daddy.
I am very happy and excited but with it comes a lot of concerns.
My son lives 1500 miles away from his ex-girlfriend although thankfully, she only lives a few minutes from me.
The ex-girl friend is very immature. I am also concerned that she will play the games she has played in the past only this time using the baby for leverage. I am hoping we won’t have to play “Kiss Her Ass” every time I want to see the baby.
They are both very young (my son is 19 and the girl is 18). Again, my son is ver mature for his age but she is very immature.
The type of role model the girl will be. She dropped out of highschool in 10th grade. My son graduated a year early and attended college before a recruiter from Lear Corp flew out to offer him a job. He lives on his own out of state and is doing extremely well. Their standards are poles apart from one another.
Lastly, the fact that there are still racist and bigotted assholes in this world who make it a point to voice their discust of mixed races. My son’s ex is black. I have seen and heard the comments made by strangers in public when they see my white friend with her two black foster children. When looking at people, I see them for who they are and not their pant size or hair style or color of their skin. Unfortunately, there are people who do. It makes me sad that because of these people this child has a few cards stacked against him before he is even born.
Other than that, YAY!!! I’M GONNA BE A GRANDMA!!!
Wish us luck.
well, hot damn! ( you will forgive me if I’m glad it’s you and not me, won’t you? my son’s only 17 and I’ve told him that I’ll be happy to wait another decade or so for the pleasure).
re: the ‘mixed’ stuff. Well, I understand your concern. A friend of mine (in his 60’s ) has 5 kids by 3 different wives, the youngest two are of mixed backgrounds. We used to discuss the issues frequently. When I was growing up (and I’m a tad older than you), folks ‘obviously’ of mixed backgrounds were not the norm at all. however, when I look at my son’s contemporaries, the range of backgrounds - wow. and I think that’s why there’s reason to hope.
one of my employees (hispanic), his second wife’s family is pretty bigoted, however, now that they’ve had about 20 years of watching this man be a good husband to their sister, an excellent father to both her daughter from a prior relationship as well as their two other kids (as a matter of fact the older daughter, when she was 25 changed her name legally to his), the walls are coming down.
wring - I appreciate your words. I have always taught my kids that you only judge a person by their actions and not by appearance. I have to brag that I have taught them very well. They are the most open and accepting kids that I have ever known and I am proud to admit they are mine. In fact, there have been times that they have taught me a thing or two by reminding me of my own words when I may have said something judgemental about another person (like the time I laughed my ass off when a male friend of my daughters wore a skirt and eyeliner). They have made me a better person too.
I do see that things are a lot different than they used to be and that the acceptance of mixed races and is growing more and more as well as how it is becoming more common to see. It is just the few assholes that will always remind this child that there is something wrong with him (or her - we find out next week - YAY!!!) simply for the fact that his dad is white and his mom is black. Hopefully, the overwhelming acceptance from others will be enough to let him ignore the bad.
After raising my 5 sisters (2 mixed race foster sisters included) for most of 19 years, then my daughter for 19 years (with a brief gap of freedom in between) and taking in my nephews whenever they needed a home (they are also mixed race) - - I am now quite alone. And it seems that I miss the little ankle biters.
I am TOO jealous for words. I’m thinking about getting into the foster care program in my new town.
When my family first got my foster sisters I was about 12 or so, and I was “aware” of people’s reactions to us. It wore off quickly though, as I paid more attention to the girls and less to the people around us. Fast forward to my late 20’s and the same again with my nephews.
The people who know you will get used to seeing you with your new grandchild and the difference in skin color won’t even be noticed after the first time they see the baby.
As for the child, well, both my sisters went though a sort of identity crisis stage in their teens, that included lots of discussion about the color of their skin, and now my teenage nephews are going through the same thing. It’s not bad though, just one more teenage thing to deal with. What helps them the most is knowing that no matter what anyone looks like, we are all related, and they are loved and are an essential part of our huge family.
Diane, congratulations. I’m 52, my oldest granddaughter will be 11 next month, so we are pretty close as far as when we became grandparents.
As far as racial bigotry goes, my other daughter has two very noticably black children. They are 7 and 3 (today as matter fact). We are in Texas, not exactly the most racially tolerant place in the world, yet I don’t know that there have been any problems. I’m sure there are some that don’t approve, yet they keep it to themselves. I wouldn’t worry much about the bigotry. Kids can be cruel no matter what the differences are. And bigoted adults can be ignored along with the other kinds of assholes of the world.
Enjoy your grand baby. They are so much better that your own. They go home when they act up.
Sorry to hear about the concerns you have, and I hope they all work out well. The world changes around us all the time, and with luck, your grandchild won’t have to put up with (at least as much of) that kind of idiot behavior.
I am going to give the world’s population the benefit of the doubt and hope that they will know my grandchild for the wonderful person he (or she) will be regardless of skin color.
The other problems (unmarried young parents, my son being so far away, etc.) will just have to be worked out as time goes by.
Now I’m just having a hard time waiting to find out if it is a boy or girl so I can go shopping!!!
Lost - It’s too bad you live so far away, I would gladly share my own kids some days.
Diane, from what I’ve read of your posts on this board, your grandchild will have a kickass grandma who’ll alwys be there, no matter what mistakes Mum and Dad might make.
Enjoy - your son and ex-almost-daughter-in-law won’t be young and immature forever, and while you’re correct in saying that people can be cruel, they can also be incredibly kind : I’m pretty sure that with you as an example, your grandchild will quickly learn which external opinions to give weight to.
An hey - if there are problems in the future - you always have the experience and wisdom of this board at your disposal : pretty cool, huh?
Congradulations! And pay no attention to those pinheads who’re somehow upset that your grandkid is mixed race. IMHO mixed race kids are better looking than “pure breds.” The mixed race ones tend to inherit the best of both worlds. Enjoy your grandchild and don’t worry about what other people think.
Wonderful stuff, Diane and I imagine you’re glowing and anxious and happy and…just champing at the Mall doors waiting for the blue or pink decision.
From what I’ve seen, you really do have a special way with kids and I can’t imagine the baby having a better foundation. I’m sure it’s all going to be soooo beautiful !
My first grandchild will be a year old next month, and I’m only going to be 30 in December.
I had legal guardianship of a friends daughter and she had a baby before she turned 18 and I was so honnored that she named her after me.
I am ever so happy for you!!
As for the race thing, you just tell anybody who gives you grief to stuff it!
My aunt gave me a wonderfull cousin who ended up being murdered three years ago at the age of 22. He was of mixed race and he was one of my best friends.
Six years ago she gave us another wonderfull cousin who is the spitting image of his older brother, and the other night as I watched him play with my children it so reminded me of when we used to wrestle and play with Raymond.
It made me sad, and it made me happy all at the same time.
People who see only color of skin suck in my book.
Oh, and Lost, I have five little heathens you can have your pick of the litter any time!
Congrats, Diane! I always threatened my mom with doing the same to her, but I never really meant it. I never wanted to be an extremely young mom. Of course, my brother managed to make her a grandma at 40…
