Medium-distance relationships?

In My Humble Opinion
1

There’s always a lot of talk about making long-distance relationships work. I would typically define these as any distance that makes a date pretty much require a weekend due to travel time. Anything over a couple hours maybe.

And then there’s the couples that live within a few miles of each other and can see each other all the time, every day after work for instance.

Well, what I’m in is a medium-distance relationship. In good traffic, it takes about 45 minutes (about 35 miles, mostly freeways) to get there. In bad traffic, maybe double that. Normal time right around an hour.

We’ve been dating for about 8 months and it is going well. As time goes on, I am finding that this distance of relationship has its own unique problems and challenges. For instance, we’re close enough that weekday dates are not theoretically a problem, but in practice they often are. After work, each of usually goes to our separate gyms, and takes care of whatever else, leaving little time for us to just “pop by” and spend time together. If we were closer, it would not be a problem, but who wants to either drive an hour home late at night or get up an hour earlier before work the next day? (Yes, I can hear you saying “if we truly wanted to be with each other, we would”, but both of us are very practical-minded)

As a result, we tend to see each other only on weekends. This was fine earlier in the relationship, but we both find ourselves wanting a little more. In addition, it places a little pressure on us to make each time when we do see each other something special. But I think that to truly get a feel for a relationship, you need to have that time when you’re just lounging around doing nothing, which we don’t often have. As a result, I really have very little idea what it would be like to live with this woman.

Anyway, just wanted to see if anyone else has had this type of situation, and how did you handle it?

(I just KNOW there are going to be those of you saying "I WISH we only lived an hour apart!) :slight_smile:

2

I’ve had a few long-term relationships like that. Of course, I live in a big city and that’s not all that big a commute. As time went on, we acclimated to the drive and began seeing each other more often. Eventually, in two cases, the woman moved closer to me (right next door once - that went eight years total; she moved near me after a year and next door after two more) and in one case I went to live with the woman.

All cratered eventually, but I don’t think the initial distance was really a factor. Perhaps lack thereof?

3

Well, for about 3 years mothbreather and I were what most people would consider an LDR.

We lived about 90 miles away from each other before I moved north, and now we’re married.

It is difficult at first, but once you get used to being alone, yet having someone there, it gets easier over time.

It really just depends on how connected and devoted you are to each other,

If you’re not comfortable making your own decisions (which I was not), then you probably would not be comfortable being in an LDR.

It can become a really confusing dichotomy.

Just make sure you discuss it with your beloved.

They may have different expectations than you have.

The only advice I can really give to you is to talk to each other and make sure you know what to expect out of each other. That way you won’t be disappointed.

4

I’ve been in one of those for almost two years.

What it’s evolved into is that he and my kids split custody of me. When I have them, I live in my own house, and we call each other every night and morning. When I don’t have them, I live at his house and commute to work.

It works for us, and I don’t see changing it in the next few years. I doubt that I could get full custody of the kids, which I would need to change them to the school in his town. We get all the advantages of a strong, living together-type relationship, but we get a built-in break that keeps it fresh too.

We live about 45 minutes apart. I don’t mind the commute at all; it’s the choice I made to be able to see him every day. He does come out to my place on the weekends when I have the kids, but it’s not as practical as me going over there, since we have livestock that needs to be fed and he works longer hours.

I would someday like for us all to be able to live together, but I’m not in a big hurry about it.

5

jeevmon and I were in a situation similar to yours when we started dating. Technically, we both lived in the same city, but at opposite ends. I lived in the way north and worked even a bit more north; he was living and working downtown. To add to that, I didn’t have a car and couldn’t take my dog on the El; he had a car but his building didn’t allow dogs to even visit. (Bastards!)

We saw each other every weekend (Fri night to Saturday morning and then Saturday morning usually till Monday morning) when he would come to my place. It started out as that but progressed to his making the PITA commute to me most nights, too. That was pretty much how I knew how much he loved me . . . :slight_smile:

After a few months of hinting about living together someplace in the middle, we got engaged and did move to a new place. We were married 6 months later. Now admittedly our timeframe was quick (14 months from meeting to wedding) but I think we realized early on that the middle-distance thing was an issue and it wasn’t something we wanted to continue for years on end.

I am sure that doesn’t really help you much as I am not saying “well, just get married” but for us it was probably due in part to the distance that we realized we wanted to be with each other every day.

6

Been there, done that. It wouldn’t be so bad if midway between there was a town where you could meet and go to dinner or whatever during the week. In our case, it wasn’t the case. So it didn’t last, mainly because she got a job in a different state and moved away. Eventually, you’ll have to ask whether you would be willing to move for them or if they would be willing to move for you. In the early phases of a relationship, 30 miles or so shouldn’t matter.