So, on another message board I’m a lot more prolific and have got known, and have started e-mailing a few posters, and made a few online mates, and it’s all cool and nice.
So much so that we’ve discussed meeting up in real life – and there’s the rub.
I’d love to do it, but I’m feeling horribly nervous. I’m not particularly shy in real life, and don’t mind at all meeting new people, but meeting people that already have a preconception of me – and lots of them, all in one go – sounds really scary.
You’ve all done your LonDopes and TorontoDopes, so maybe you could advise/inform. What was it like on Your First Time? Were you nervous/awkward? Did you turn out to get on best face to face with people other than your best online buddies? And generally, what are these events like? Does anyone ever feel left out? What happens when someone super-cool and sexy on the interweb turns out in reality to be Charles Manson?
Nope. Not nervous. Not really anything but curious. Some of the NY Dopers were getting together for dinner (oh, maybe two years ago or so) and I asked if I’d be welcome. All around said “COme on down!”
Walked into the restaurant, found myself a seat and started chatting. No prob.
If things go poorly for you, you can just leave. Who’s going to stop you?
Never been to a Dopefest, but meeting internet friends, I have done. It’s a lot of fun, IMHO. I was nervous, I was awkward, but then so was everyone else. It’s very rare that you meet Charles Manson, especially as there’s only one of him. In all seriousness, if you tell someone where you’re going and you meet in a big group, the chance of your being murdered is about nil. In fact, I think it’s easier to meet online friends IRL than it is to meet new people who you don’t know at all. After all, you’re already friends, you already have something to talk about, what’s not to like?
Strangely enough, an online friend whom I’d been in contact with for about two years turned out to live within five miles of me, which was an added plus. In the best case scenario, you make new friends. In the worst-case scenario, you’re no worse off than you were when you started.
I find that it’s best to really know the individual before arranging to meet him/her in person. I have a friend who lives in Kansas (I live in Idaho) who met me through my web site. He emailed me and complimented me on my site. As we exchanged emails it turned out we had many common interests and agreed on many things. We then started talking to each other on the phone and got to know each other better this way. After I had known him for about three years I made a flight to Kansas to visit him. I’ve visited him three times now, about once a year. We’ve always enjoyed the time and have had lots of fun together.
And just in case anyone is wondering, this is not a sexual friendship in any way as we are each hetero. If anything, we’re like brothers to each other.
I have also met a few people who have looked me up while in the area and there’s a friend in Oregon I like to visit every now and then. In any case I make sure that I really know and trust the people I meet before arranging any visits.
I’ve been to a couple of chat-room get-togethers and heard of others. I thoroughly enjoyed those I went to - it was just like meeting old friends, though some folks were a bit quieter than I’d imagined they would be.
I’ve also met one of my best friends (definitely nothing sexual) online - she is a very funny lady and I was howling with laughter at what she said online, and we just clicked straight off. We chat regularly on the phone now and we’ve shared so much of each other’s lives that we’re like family.
OTOH, I’ve been in chatrooms where they’ve arranged meets which I didn’t attend, but which ended up in wife-swapping, rows and the death knell to that particular chatroom.
On the whole, I think folks who meet up aren’t cranks - just people like you and me who like a laugh and a good time. Charles Manson? a risk, sure, but highly unlikely.
I started talking to my now wife on ICQ. We were 1500 miles apart. We met in person seven months after we began chatting and have been together ever since. I’ve never met someone that I had more in common with emotionally, intellectually and sexually. I say go for it. You have much to gain and little to lose.
Heck, the majority of the friends I have that have LASTED have been AIM/ICQ friends at first. I met my girlfriend via Usenet and ICQ. It’s all good, most people are just other people.
I have a long time internet friend named Jennifer. I met her in 1994 on a Vampire: the Masqurade chat board on AOL. We became fast friends. Over the years I watched her get married, have two beautiful children, and her husbands tragic death.
Jennifer and I have never met IRL. Its not for wanting though, she just lives in San Fransico and I live in Houston. We are both broke.
Meet in public. If you like them/her/him then go somewhere private. And most of all, have fun.
I think the most important thing to remember is that while it doesn’t seem like it, you already know these people. You’ve interacted with them, just never face to face.
I’ve met quite a few of my fellow dopers (HI GUYS! :)) and I’ve always had a blast. I suppose I could qualify as “not-shy” so it may have been easier for me, but just remember that you already know these people and you’ll be fine!!
You can’t just leave, unless you don’t mind if your name is smeared across whatever message board brought you all together in the first place. That stuff does happen.
Meeting people from here can definitely be intimidating, especially if most of the other people already know each other. So it’s kind of like becoming one of the crowd on the message board itself, really.
Most of the internet friends and liaisons I have met have been fine. Sure there were some absolute wackjobs in the mix, but they were the exception and not the rule.
It might be easier if you find one person to meet first before jumping into the whole crowd thing by yourself. I’ve never had bad luck meeting online pals IRL, but for big group things that worked out better for me.
