Meeting Online People

I had the recent displeasure of meeting someone from online. It was awkward and the fact it seems like we really have nothing in common seemed to exacerbate the situation.
The one thing that had me on guard is that her body language was extraordinarily unfriendly and antisocial basing it on prior experience and relationships. This was contrary to how she portrayed herself with me online which was much friendlier. She asked once or twice why I was so quiet and I tried to explain to her that I’m trying to “get” her real life self since online lacks other nonverbal forms of communication. Her reaction was irritation saying something to the effect of “I’m just me. I don’t act one way around some people and another way around others like some people. I don’t know what your problem is.”
This only served to make me withdraw and get the idea my company really wasn’t welcome. The question I’m posing to you folks is when you have met people from online was there a bit of an orientation period so you could get to know how they acted in real life and their body language? Or was it unimportant or irrelevant?
I’ve met other people from online with various designs and expectations but they’ve never turned out this badly nor has there been a lack of understanding of getting oriented to a person’s real life self.

Hmm, strange situation. I can see why you were uncomfortable.

I have met a total of, er, three people IRL (nto counting dopers, who are cool a priori) after meeting them online. One I fell in love with. This is a rather longish and strange tale, ends poorly, and so there is little need to get into it. However, she was very nice, and exactly like she was online. She said I was different, though I can’t see how.

The second one was not disasterous in any way, but I met this person right before I moved here to Boston area from Cleveland and so there wasn’t any real need to have it be something cool. It was just something to do one night. Again, just like she was online. We had a decent time. Probably could have been pretty good friends.

The third person was also a female (what is it with me? I dunno), and I met her in an AOL chatroom (heh). This was just before I was going to move to Boston, too, and she said we should go out for a drink or something. I said, hey , why not? And we wne t out, got sloshed, and then went back to my hotel room for the next day and a half. :wink: :wink: What still bothers me about this lady is that we never talked much after that… which is a shame becaseu she was very nice, and certainly a fun gal, but I dunno, I guess the one-night-stand thing kind of ruined it. :shrug:

Such is the extent of the intersection of online with IRL. As such, for me, the people I have met have been more or less exactly as they portrayed themselves. The dopers I have met IRL seem to follow that, too, more or less to a tee.

I have personally never felt that uncomfortable.

When I finally met Gunslinger in person, after about a year of “internet romance,” we’d spent weeks prior to the visit discussing… obsessing over, really… the possible differences and difficulties and such. But we’d managed to achieve such an understanding of each other just from our discussions online that I don’t recall any awkwardness past the first few minutes, when we greeted each other. During the short drive from the bus station where he picked me up to his house where I dropped off my suitcase we became quickly acclimated to each other - we’re really just like we thought we would be from online. By the second time I got in his car I was sitting in the middle snug against him. And now we are engaged.

This was, however, a Rare Moment for me, caused by the fact that we’d been talking together for so very very long online, and we already liked each other so very very much, and we were so very very dedicated to Making It Work In Person. The other times I’ve met people from online introductions I’ve been incredibly shy.

I think it’s easier to meet in a group situation. Meeting can be awkward, because even when we try to be ourselves online, you know you don’t always come across the same way, and you don’t want to disappoint. Meeting a group of people cna make it easier to take the focus off you.

I’ve met people in groups and singly, Dopers and not Dopers. Don’t have any bad stories to report yet.

I’m assuming that you’re talking in terms of meeting someone IRL with the idea that there are “romantic possibilities”. Since I have not had THAT experience (which I imagine could be quite squirmy, and not in a good way), I can’t say that I’ve ever felt less-than-at-ease meeting someone IRL (which I’ve done exactly twice… once when I found out that a person I met online lived in my hometown–and that we’d actually already run into each other at the vet!–and once when I visited my sister in Michigan).

Sorry.

Any possibility of giving it another shot with this woman?

I hope this doesn’t come out sounding wrong. The only problem I’ve had with meeting people is when I’ve not seen a photo ahead of time. I create a mental image and when it doesn’t match reality, it catches me off-balance. It’s not a matter of judgement of disappointment, but confusion - the person I’ve just met can’t possibly be the person I’ve talked to on line!!

I remember meeting a guy at a mall after chatting together for several months. Even tho he’d told me he was 6’4", it didn’t register when this TALL man walked toward me! For some reason, in my mind, he was about 5’8", so the real him was wrong!! It took a little while for me to reconcile what I’d imagined with who he really was. That’s why I like to see pics of Dopers and exchange pics with folks that I chat with on IM or ICQ. I have to match the face with the personality or reality will confuse me.

Does that make sense? It does to me.

Physical attributes aside, once the initial awkwardness of the first meeting begins to fade, I’ve found that most people are similar IRL to their online personas.

Thank heavens I’m not a “bad story!” :smiley:

I attended my first Dopefest at Cranky’s place last week and found it quite the pleasurable experience. The folks there proved my suspicions that the vast majority of Dopers are just as nice offline as they are on.

And Persephone gives great hugs.

I’ve met more people in real life from the internet than I can count. And it’s always been cool. We just understand each other well enough online that it translates well in person. Sometimes, I can recognize the person on sight, even though I’d never seen a picture of them before.

But maybe I’m just extraordinarily lucky that way, eh?

There’s a lot of things you don’t pick up about people on-line, things like body language, smell, the human factors. It could have been that the woman’s energy and your own were just incompatible, stuff like this happens. Personally I’m not attracted to every woman that I meet for all sorts of reasons and the woman could be drop dead gorgeous, it’s those intangibles, the darndest thing. One thing that I wouldn’t do though, is have a long e-mail or chat courtship. My experience has been that you create imagery in your head that the person rarely if ever measures up to, okay, in my case it hasn’t. For me it’s important that I’m in the same physical space with the person so that I can if the “energy” is right.

She surely does, but I’m still trying to reconcile the fact that they were all “for” Eutychus…Dig your posts, man, but I’m still glad you sent a hot redhead to do your huggin’! :smiley:

I guess I depend on body language (like gestures) and the sound of a person’s voice. Actually, EasyPhil summed it up for me.

I knew my boyfriend for four years online before we finally met face to face. For about three and a half years of that time, we were just friends, but both of us secretly harbored a bit of a crush on each other, until my feelings for him started to get quite a bit stronger and I confessed. :smiley:

So, last October I flew to California to meet him in person. It was a bit awkward at first, I’d been chatting online with this person for four years…it was a bit odd to sit in his living room and talk face-to-face. I wouldn’t say that the awkwardness was due to my preconceived picture of what he’d be like in person, because he was pretty much exactly how I pictured him, and I think he felt the same way about me.

The awkwardness didn’t last very long, though, I had arrived at 4 a.m. and didn’t stay at his place long, after about an hour I went to the motel. The next day we completely clicked, being with him felt completely natural, like we’d been together for years. He came here in February, and we went out to the bar with some of my friends, and they all remarked that it was incredible how comfortable we seemed with each other.

I met my first online person when I was 16. He shoved his tongue down my throat and was thus my first french kiss. EW EW EW EW EW…whereever you are, whatever your name was, I sure hope you’ve learned a little bit of tact and decorum. And to kiss. He was a crappy kisser. Ew. Ew.

I met more online people the next year…some of whom were really really swell people, and with whom I have wished I stayed in touch.

By the way…this was in 1986 and 1987. :smiley:

All but two decent friends I have in the world, I met through being online, in one way or another…including my husband of nine years.

So I’d have to go with “meeting people from online = good,” or I’d have no explanation for most of the people I know.

I’ve met a fair number of online friends in RL. Sometimes it would be one-on-one, and others it would be in groups. Sometimes we would meet at a restaurant or a bar, and other times we would go to someone’s house.

All in all, I would have to say that my experiences with this have all been good, and that people do tend to be very similar in RL to how they are online.

If I’m meeting someone one on one, I will be sure to have at least spoken to them on the phone prior to the meeting. If that meeting is with the intent of a romantic encounter, I prefer to have seen a picture of them, just to make sure I don’t go into it expecting them to look like the person in my mind. It helps take care of the previously mentioned initial shock at seeing someone for the first time and realizing “So THAT’s who I’ve been talking to.”

I’m always nervous when I meet new people but when it’s someone I’ve talked to a lot online and/or on the phone, it’s not that bad.

Once there is an established friendship, it’s easy to get over the “meeting nerves” and just hang out.

Hama, did we meet the same guy? snort

I have met several people IRL after first meeting online. Mostly it was all right, but I am pretty much a quiet person both online and in person (155 posts in almost 2 years. There are people here that do that in 2 weeks.) That is one reason I have not checked out any of the dopefests so far. Lurking is so much easier online. :smiley:

…so I don’t go in for going to parties and such, but I have met some online folks in RT. I try not to force the issue of “we have to hit it off!” ,so I guess I’m seen as very ambivalent about the whole thing.

That’s just the way I am. I think it has something to do with caring for sick folks 12 hours a night. By the time I get home I value that privacy…

They haven’t been bad experiences. Just something I don’t care if I do again.

shrug

Quasi;)

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Yeah, like me… 214+ posts in just a little under two weeks… it’ll be two weeks once it hits maybe 10 or 11 PM PST on Saturday! What can I say? I like these boards! :smiley:

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As for the OP, I can’t say that I have met online people in real life. I’m not sure I would, either, but it sounds like fun! Of course, I guess it all depends! But if I ever make it out to a Dopefest, I’m sure you’ll all be very nice and fun to be around! :slight_smile: :cool:

I used to meet women who worked for the TTY relay in 76-79, those went just fine. Then those from the BBS scene in the 80s-90’s also great. Met some from the net in the 90s, also fine. I guess I have better choices & more upfront questions to weed out the chaf.

I’ve met a group of people [not dopers] in real life. Most of them were cool.

To my amazement- and sadness- I found out that the girl- who was so polite and friendly online- turned out to be rotten to the core.

She whispered rude remarks about another [big] girl, had hysterics and lied.

is still lying

What canI say; r/l and online people…Some are fine, some are awful.

Hope it’ll turn out fine for you heptapod