Couples Who Have Met Online

In My Humble Opinion
1

I was in the midst of completely hijacking this thread when I realized I should just start my own. I debated putting it in the Pit, but decided to actively solicit the opinions of my SDMB colleagues, so here it lies in IMHO.

What is your opinion of real-life couples who have met online? I know some Dopers out there have met their spouse or SO online, so I can pretty much expect some positive feedback from you.

For those of you who have met your SO online, did you recieve any negative or stereotyped/prejudiced comments or behavior? How long did you talk before you decided to meet, and how long after meeting did you decide to enter into a relationship? Did you meet in a chat room, a message board, a random instant message, or through an online dating service? Or was there a different way?

For those who have not met anyone online, why? Do you see people who do in any sort of negative light? What if your sibling, divorced parent, or best friend met and married someone they met online - would that change your opinion? Would changing “online” to “in a bar” make any difference in your opinion?

I ask because, alas, I met the World’s Greatest Girl (of course, YMMV) last weekend after talking to her on AOL/AIM for over two years. We hit it off well, as I expected we would, and we are going to see each other quite a bit more in the future. There were always long, in-depth conversations until the wee hours of the morning that went on, with some harmless flirting and light-hearted “what-ifs” thrown in for good measure.

To be honest, I am somewhat … nervous I guess about telling people how we met, and why after only one “date” we are so into each other. Maybe it’s just me, but I have noticed that there is still a negative stigma attached to people who meet online - and, to a certain extent, people who even chat online - by people who don’t. I wanted some feedback and opinions on your experiences.

And, for the record, to answer some of my own questions: we ‘‘met’’ in an AOL chat room (I liked her profile and some of the smart-assed comments she was making so I decided to IM her) and, as I said above, we talked for two years, give or take, before we decided to meet. We went ahead with the relationship thing right away upon meeting, as apparently there was more behind the “harmless” flirting than we let on before. And I haven’t recieved any negative feedback from friends or family yet, but not every one of my friends or family knows yet, either.

My opinion (as if it wsn’t already obvious) is that you can get a better feel for a person’s personality meeting them online, whereas in a bar or a club, chances are you’re going to talk to the physically attractive ones, personality be damned. Granted, that is not always the case, but I personally believe that looks should be secondary to personality and intellect. (FTR, my ‘old lady’ [inside joke - teeheehee] is beautiful;))

Anyway, this was a rather lengthy OP, so I’ll let you all do your thing now. Thanks in advance for the opinions and comments.

-Dirty

2

I met my husband in a chat room in October 1996. At first we were just buddies, in fact he had a thing for one of my friends and sort of pursued her for a while.

We met in real life in February 1997. We were pretty much in love
by the time this happened, after many phone calls, letters and staying up all night talking online.

We got engaged May 1997.

We were married in October 1998.

My grandmother was pretty embarassed by the whole thing and didn’t want anyone to know how we had met. “Just tell them you met at college,” she’d say.

Other than that I haven’t really heard anything negative. In my experience most people I tell find it interesting, albeit curious.

Other couples who meet online don’t phase me. I see it as simply another way of looking for love … and, to be honest, a bit more respectable than picking someone up in a bar, although I know that some people get online, find someone and nail them that same day.

Somebody should do a study of married couples who meet online. It would be interesting to see the results in 20 years or so. (Is the divorce rate among internet couples worse, better, or the same as the general populus, etc.?)

3

**did you recieve any negative or stereotyped/prejudiced comments or behavior? **
Yes, but not for long. My friends were mostly worried about my going to the other end of the world to meet someone for the first time. However, ever since the relationship stopped being an “online” one, my friends tell their friends who talk negatively about online dating to shut up and tell them how wonderfully it worked out for me.
**How long did you talk before you decided to meet, and how long after meeting did you decide to enter into a relationship? **
We were friends online for 4 months, and then we were dating online for 7 more months, and then he came across the world to be with me forever. We moved in on the day we physically met.
**Did you meet in a chat room, a message board, a random instant message, or through an online dating service? **
He was surfing the net and he stumbled onto my homepage, and I have a forum, and we started talking, etc.
I think meeting online has a lot of advantages over meeting in real life.

4

one of my best friends met his girl online through an im.

they then met in real life and got along even better.

they’re both beautiful people and are having a lovely relationship.

i don’t see myself actively seeking anyone online, if that’s what you’re asking… but if i happen to meet someone who i initially met online, i think it would be no different really than having first met at a bar…

so the dividing line is people who are actively seeking partners online and people who happen or choose to meet online friends…

5

Met my SO online. No regrets here; he’s the best. :slight_smile:

6

Well, I think most of us know how Airman and I met. :wink: We’d known each other as acquaintances for a while, then started talking in mid-September after a snarky post I’d made in one of his threads. We started chatting on AIM, then he called me and we talked for about seven hours. We met IRL for the first time at Dope-A-Ween last year and just really clicked. We were married in May and are expecting our first child in a few weeks.

My experience has been that the Internet is so commonplace that it’s not a big deal anymore. I’ve met a lot of people that I first knew online, and except for one or two bad experiences, the contacts I’ve made have been overwhelmingly positive.

Robin

7

I met my husband the traditional way and my gf online. We’re a little happy family now.

8

In April, 1998 I was sitting in Yahoo! chat, waiting for a friend of mine to log on. Someone named slacker_97 came in and started talking to me. I was polite and responded, but he was funny and nice, so I gave him my email address. We exchanged emails a few times, and we sought each other out in Yahoo! Chat. When school was over for the year, I started spending all my time online (I had nothing better to do.) I ended up talking to him every day for hours at a time, usually between 8-16, counting the phone conversations, the chatting, and the emailing.
We met on my birthday in Vegas–my mother and sisters came with me. THen he came and spent 3 weeks with me at my house. That was in September. He went home, but then six weeks later came back to live with me. We were engaged officially on New Year’s Day, 2001, and we just celebrated our 1 year anniversary on the 18th.

:slight_smile:

9

For those of you who have met your SO online, did you recieve any negative or stereotyped/prejudiced comments or behavior? Before we met, there were the usual “he’s on the internet, therefore he is automatically a psycho rapist” opinions being offered without being asked for; my usual reply was “Do you have a computer? Are you a psycho? I am on the internet; obviously I am a psycho rapist too. The library has internet access available to anyone who wants it; is every library patron therefore a psychotic sex criminal?” Now that I’ve met him and he’s obviously not a psycho rapist, nobody’s given me any grief.

How long did you talk before you decided to meet, and how long after meeting did you decide to enter into a relationship? Well, it took a year for us to be able to meet, but we’d decided we wanted to within a month or three of our first chat. We were already pretty well established as a strong relationship before the meeting, so there was a bit of trepidation in case we didn’t work out well in person; we decided before we met that if it clicked in person we were definitely continuing the relationship, and if it didn’t click we’d just be friends. Obviously, it was magic. :slight_smile:

**Did you meet in a chat room, a message board, a random instant message, or through an online dating service? Or was there a different way? ** We met right here on the SDMB, in a thread titled Very Vaguely Creepy.

10

I have not been part of an online couple, but my sister met her husband online and my brother met his wife online. Another sister met her ex-fiance online, so I guess two out of three isn’t bad.

11

Mrs. RickJay and I met on Oneandonly.com in 1998.

No. At first her friends showed understandable trepidation. That lasted a few days at most; I’m charming by nature.

About a month.

Less than a week. We kissed on our second date.

See above. Internet personals, IMHO, work extremely well, or at least as well as anything else, if you know what you’re doing.

Bah. Don’t worry about it. Is it really that much worse than meeting someone in a bar?

I will echo some other posters; this sort of thing is becoming more acceptable by the DAY. Three years ago it was unusual; now, it’s quite common.

12

I met MrWhatsit on a “talker” – like a MUD, except no roleplaying, just chatting – back in Fall of 1995. We met in person for the first time in January 1996 and hit it off immediately, to put it mildly. However, I was only a college freshman and didn’t want to commit to anything long-term, and for the next four years or so we had an on-again/off-again relationship. But my senior year things became permanently on again, and when I graduated in 1999 I moved to Seattle to live with him. In 2001 I got pregnant and we got married (in that order, ahem), and I’ve never been happier.

Back in '95 I’d say it was a lot less common for people to meet on the Internet than it is now. These days, were I in the same situation, I’d probably just be up front about it. Back then, I lied about how we met to my parents and friends, and told them that we met when he was visiting mutual friends. Eventually I fessed up. I guess at the time I was worried that Mom would hear “Internet” and immediately think “axe murderer.”

Once I revealed the truth, I did get some crap from my college friends about my “Internet boyfriend”, but they shut up when I moved in with him and proved that yes, we really were serious.

I think that meeting someone online is not much different from meeting someone in real life, except that of course you don’t have any knowledge of what the person looks like. In my case it didn’t matter, because MrWhatsit is totally hot anyway. (He is! I have independent verification!)

My advice is to be honest about where you met. Everyone is going to ask where you met, and it sucks to continually have to lie about it. Besides which, if the truth comes out later, your friends and family may be pretty upset that you lied to them.

13

Dread Pirate Jimbo and I met after he responded to my personal ad on love@AOL. We sent emails back and forth for about a month, then we talked on the phone for about a couple of weeks, then we met in person.

Right from the start I’ve been completely open about how we met. I feel like there is a wee bit of negative attitude about meeting online around still, but I’m not ashamed of anything I’ve done, so why act like there’s something to hide? And like I tell most people when I say I met my fiancee over the net, how else are you going to meet people nowadays? You’re not supposed to date people you work with, meeting in bars is pretty chancy, and church groups are only an option if you go to them.

I wanted to meet a man for a serious relationship, because I realized I was at a point in my life where I was ready for marrying and settling down. Instead of hoping on chance sending my knight in shining armour to my door while I laid around watching tv, I made the effort and got what I was looking for. I think of online dating as “concentrated dating”.

14

Simetra and I met right here on the SDMB at the end of 2000. By March 2001, we were firmly committed to one another, although we didn’t get to see each other in person until April 2001.

My mom was a little nervous at first – even though she knew from experience that most people you meet online aren’t raving lunatics, she was worried about Stephen coming to visit me for the first time. After she met him herself, though, she loved him almost as much as I do; as far as my mom is concerned, Stephen can do no wrong. :wink:

One of my friends was also really worried about our relationship at first. Her roommate had basically been stalked by someone she met online, and my friend was sure that was what was going to happen to me. Whereas my mom got over her fears after Stephen came to see me at school, this friend was anxious right up until she met him about two months later.

I rarely get negative reactions from people when I tell them how we met. Usually, people are just curious as to how it happened. It does seem, however, that the older the person is, the more suspicious they are of my having met my SO online.

As for being nervous about telling people about how you and your girlfriend met… well, does it matter if they think it’s strange? You’ve met someone who makes you happy – that’s what counts, not what anyone else thinks about the circumstances under which you met. Congrats, Dirty Earthworm, on finding your sweetie. :slight_smile:

15

Reinhold Messner and I met on these boards back when he first registered, last September I believe. I liked his name and IMed him, but I was seeing someone else at the time.

After that relationship fell apart spectacularly, Reinhold and I started flirting, and he was there for me when I cried over the loss over my ex (and why I wasted my tears, I don’t know).

We met at Bamadope III back in December, decided to make a go of it there.

Only a few people know how we really met and they don’t care, they just wanted me to be careful as my ex was a psychotic bastard (though I didn’t meet him online).

16

Aaawww, thank you Serendipity. That was sweet.

That’s all I have to say for now. Back to my glowing.

-Dirty, grinning like an idiot :smiley:

17

I must point out that Miss Creant and I did not, in fact, meet on the boards. We didn’t really have any interaction here. We each knew who the other was, but that’s about it.

Rather, we met because of the boards, at a dopefest.