Due to an experiment that takes place yesterday in the labs, it seems that something gone wrong with the hybrid panthers. Becoming more powerful and more aggressive they’ve broke the cages and spread in the entire animal laboratory. All scientists were forced to hide in safe places. Be aware! The panthers attack any target in sight, so be careful not to be torn apart.
Maybe the Carolina Panthers will start winning a few games, then.
PUBLIC NOTICE! On page 142 of “Skydiving for Dummies,” Step Seven should read, “Pull rip cord.”
In the first edition, Step Seven reads, “Include Zip Code.” We apologize for the inconvenience.
Re: Water supply
An unfortunate accident at the waterworks has led to lysergic acid diethylamide 25 being present at non-toxic levels throughout the city. Citizens are advised to contact their nearest unicorn or pink butterfly if they have questions.
On page 24 of this week’s TV Guide, the teaser for The Sopranos states “Uncle Junior whacks Tony and takes off with all the money and Carmella”. Please disregard this. It’s really not going to happen. We apologize for this inadvertent error.