Memorable mistakes in your second (third, fourth etc.) language.

The title really speaks for itself, don’t it? Here’s mine, both spoken to my girlfriend in Spanish:

Me: “I left the military because I didn’t want to go to the blonde (girl).”
Her: <bewildered look>
Me: “Yeah, you know, the one in Iraq.”
Her: <more bewildered> … “Oh! You mean the war.”

War=guerra. Blonde girl=güera.

Me: “So, what, you want me to burn in your car?”
Her: “Burn what?”
Me: “What on earth do you mean, burn what? Burn myself, of course.”
Her: <more bewilderedness> … “Oh! You mean stay in my car.”

Burn oneself=quemarse. Stay somewhere=quedarse.

So, what memorable language-learning mistakes have you made? Preferably in conversation, not in class.

I had been tossing French words into my conversations with my two male housemates, just for fun. That ended when I told them I was headed upstairs to take a douche. (=shower) :o

I have been told by companions that I crossed Germany asking shopkeepers how much it would cost to buy them.

Mine is similar, and not so much a mistake in learning the language, but an error when first having to use it, under pressure, in the country. I was about 15 years old and had been learning German for four years, to a reasonable standard but not good enough to have more than very rudimentary conversation skills. Our family was on holiday in Germany and needed to make a train connection within about five minutes. As the only one who knew a word of German, it was my (relatively simple) task to find out the platform number. So I bravely approached a female station employee, and asked, in my best German: “Kann ich ihnen helfen?” The lady looked at me oddly, and replied: “Koennen Sie mir helfen?” A bit confused and not quite understanding, I continued with my enquiry, which was a resounding success. It was only later that I realised I had opened with the words: “can I help you?” instead of “can you help me?” Hence her puzzlement. I blame the endless school roleplays where one had to be the shopkeeper :).

My grandfather did something like this in France: “Parlez vous Francais?” “Me oui.” “Ah, non, pardon; parlez vous Anglais?” “Me non.”

My wife told her French class that I had sex with a gay man in my Jeep. She meant to say that I had glued down the carpet. Trust me, they’re similar-sounding.

She once told her Portuguese staff that I liked to work in the asshole. The word is similar to ‘kitchen’ in that language. For the better part of a week they couldn’t look at her without bursting into laughter.

Nothing like meeting a visiting Russian priest’s beautiful and friendly wife, and then calling her a pubic louse.

Note to self: always make sure the accent is on the right syllable.

I once went to Austria, a German-speaking country, with relatives who spoke German to see other relatives (and their descendants) who never came over to the New World. I tried to learn German using books and tapes, but to no good end. I’m a putz when it comes to learning natural languages.

Anyway, I thought I had at least a few key words down and that the natural human ability to grok from context would smooth over the deficiencies in my grammar. Little did I know that I had a crucial gap in my knowledge of German verbs.

The upshot is, two Austrian quick-stop employees were treated to the sight of a guy with a pained look on his face asking “Who is the toilet!? Who is the toilet!?!” Luckily, hopping on one foot is a universal language.

I have no idea what would have happened if one of them had stepped forwards.

In first-year German class I was writing a journal entry (in german.) I didn’t know (or had forgotten) the word for “parents,” so I looked it up.

I wrote a two page entry about how my hose were celebrating their 20th anniversary.

hose is “pants” in German. I had misread the dictionary (which, incedentally, did not have the word “parents” in it at all.)

Not me, but a friend of mine was staying in France. She need some new contact lens solution. Contact lens solution without preservatives. So, naturally she asked for contact lens solution “sans presevatifs”

alas, sans preservatifs = without condoms :smack:

Pretty sure I’ve recounted them before, but they’re still pretty funny to me.

My brother in law once asked me if I had learned the names of the Big 5 in Afrikaans. So I started reciting:

Olifant, leeu, jagsluiperd…

At jagsluiperd, I suddenly fell silent because I realized that instead of saying cheetah (jagluiperd, no s) I’d said “horny leopard” instead. Everyone in the room just burst into hysterical laughter, and I quickly covered myself by saying “Well, it depends”. That just made them laugh harder - I don’t know what was funnier to them, my original mistake, or that I already knew that “jags” meant horny.

Then there was the day I was talking on the phone, and tried to say “I’ll do my best.” Instead of saying “Ek sal my beste doen” (beste being pronounced pretty much like “best-uh”) I said “Ek sal my beeste doen” (beeste being something like "bee-ih-stuh). So, I’d said “I’ll do my cattle.” My mother in law found that uproariously funny.

Aha, here it is. I knew I’d posted this before somewhere before: I once tried to buy a hydrophobic ant.