Several times by young, male bullies. Not so bad, as I’ve never had a problem standing up for myself against bullies, and the crowd tends to support you when you do.
A couple times by gay, flirty men. Both times I was very surprised, and really by the time it processed in my mind what just happened I was past the point where I might have been hurt or offended.
Once by a very attractive woman in a club, which pleasantly surprised me, until she ran back to her friends and they laughed and laughed at my reaction. It was a dare and a joke at my expense, and I felt humiliated. I left shortly after.
Twice at different parties (at the same house, coincidentally) by women who had neither the looks nor the personality to be attractive to me. Both were rather persistent, and I felt miserable and trapped. Various people at the party were encouraging the girls and offering me high fives, and I knew that if I resisted verbally I’d be the butt of all the jokes at the party. Resisting physically was right out, as I was at this point an adult and a very non-violent one, and besides that I’d risk getting my ass kicked by half the guys at the party and/or getting arrested. In one instance I had been driven there by friends, and in both I had had too much to drink to drive myself, so I pretty much had to settle for being stuck on the wrong end of the social contract.
I think another part of is is that there is a general sense of entitlement floating around in our culture, that women are not human beings with lives of their own but are here for men’s pleasure, and some men cannot grasp the concept that they are not entitled to comment on and touch women without permission. So when you as a woman run up against an asshole who believes that shit, it’s jarring because not only have you been touched without your permission but you have to deal with the fact that someone saw fit to treat you like you (your opinion, your will, your feelings) don’t matter and that society brofists him for it and scorns you.
[QUOTE=Sanity Challenged]
Twice at different parties (at the same house, coincidentally) by women who had neither the looks nor the personality to be attractive to me. Both were rather persistent, and I felt miserable and trapped. Various people at the party were encouraging the girls and offering me high fives, and I knew that if I resisted verbally I’d be the butt of all the jokes at the party. Resisting physically was right out, as I was at this point an adult and a very non-violent one, and besides that I’d risk getting my ass kicked by half the guys at the party and/or getting arrested. In one instance I had been driven there by friends, and in both I had had too much to drink to drive myself, so I pretty much had to settle for being stuck on the wrong end of the social contract.
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Man, I’m sorry you went through that. It fucking sucks, doesn’t it, that feeling of being trapped and having no recourse. It sucks that men are pressured into keeping silent when they’re touched unwillingly because god forbid they violate the man rule that says they have to be up for sex any time any place with anyone.
I have never understood why we don’t as a culture make a point in teaching children to respect others’ bodily autonomy the same we we uniformly teach them to share their toys and not hit each other from a very early age.
I’m not entitled to COMMENT ON women? What are you talking about?
I can comment on anybody I want to comment on. Don’t like it? Feel free to comment back.
When I was 16 I went to Disney World with my family and my cousin’s family. Cousin and I were in a gift shop and these two Brazilian teenagers came up to us and said, “You are Americans? Can we take a picture with you?”
We said sure and my cousin and I got in the middle and each girl set up on either side of us. As the picture was being taken, one of the girls grabbed my ass. To this day I’m not sure if she was trying to steal my wallet or if she was being legitimately cheeky (her tour group leader ran into the store and shooed them out a minute later because they had a plane to catch right then).
Yep, just recently by a Middle Aged woman on the subway. I thought it was accidental but she just kept going and the movements were pretty specific. I ignored it but I was surprised by how uncomfortable it made me. Incidentally, I’m 36.
Had an elderly gay dude grab me by my junk when I was out for an exercise walk. I was sorta flattered.
When I was running on an ambulance crew, getting groped was a fact of life. Almost always women, and 100% were either drunk, stoned, in withdrawal, or a combination thereof. I was known to lament that I couldn’t be groped by a stone sober hottie.
Well, dunno if this counts, but: yeah, by a stripper in a club. What happened was, it was my bachelor party, at a place in Las Vegas called “Olympic Gardens.” Ground floor is full of female strippers, for the guys; the second floor is for the womenfolk and occupied by male strippers. My wife-to-be and I were on the two different floors at the same time.
So her sister’s husband buys me a lapdance, and I won’t say she was the ugliest stripper in the place, because frankly I don’t remember what she looked like at all. What I do remember about her, though, is her hands. I have never received such an aggressive lapdance in my life. Throughout the song she was constantly grabbing and working my package through my jeans, with hands so rough and callused that she must have worked days as a carpenter. Those hands were absolutely a turn-off, and yet physical stimulation will take its toll; it’s the only time I ever got an erection against my will. I sat there and took my unwelcome groping, because how do you tell a stripper “NO MEANS NO!” and run away? And yeah, the whole thing felt pretty violating.
Setting aside the times at parties where there was uninvited drunken groping and tongues shoved down the throat…:
Gay buddy had a bad BAD crush on me, he pinned me down and shoved his hand down my pants. Uh…no thanks.
Night shift at a restaurant - I was cleaning the women’s restroom, I had the sign out and the door open, a couple of drunk ladies came in and tried to play with me. - Yeah, I know, it sounds like the start of a Penthouse Forum letter, but I wasn’t having any of it.
Boss lady at work - I was bent over the file drawer, she ran her hands up and down my back. I ignored it. It was really not like her at all, she was normally tres professional at all times.
In highschool there were a couple of girls who would follow me around and pinch my butt whenever they could. It never occurred to me to be bothered, I just thought they were idiots.
The expectation is pretty much the same from men and women on male groping - “Hey, who’s complaining? Heh heh heh.” Women see a lot less rejection or negative reaction than men, and so don’t handle it as well, in my experience. I had a couple of incidents with female classmates in high school grabbing my ass in public. One (who I actually liked) stopped after being told politely not to do that, but it had a chilling effect - we didn’t date until college. The other did it again, and I explained firmly that I didn’t approve and wasn’t kidding about her stopping. When she tried a 3rd time, I caught her hand and squeezed it until her eyes watered; she left me alone after that.
Yep!
I’ve had my ass ‘grabbed’ a couple of times, by men and women.
Some of the incidents were more of a ‘pat on the cheek’, other times it was an outright, ‘grab a handful and squeeze’. :eek:
Truth be told, I always took it as a ‘compliment’! (Even the couple of different times when it was a guy that did the grabbing/patting.)
The times when a guy did it, I didn’t ‘make a scene’, but I did let him know that I didn’t think that it was a very polite thing to do. And he apologized.
(A little background on that… I was at the gay bar where my brother was bartending, waiting for him to finish his shift and give him a ride home. The place was a notorious ‘cruise’ bar, a fact that I was well aware of, so I kind of feel like I ‘put myself at risk’, just being there.:smack: Which was why I didn’t ‘make a scene’.)
When it was a woman doing the grabbing/patting…
Well, lets just say that ‘good times were had by all’, as the evening progressed.
Not actually groped, but a lingering slide across my ass twice in one bar, didn’t see who did it though. Got my ass grabbed by a woman acquaintance who I would never have suspected of grabbing me, I am not her type, but she was loaded. Plus, I was “ass-rubbed” dancing on the dance floor by a tall goddess. I was there first, so I know it wasn’t me who committed the “ass-ault” but I didn’t move away right away either. This has all happened in the last year or so. Before that, nada.
marching in a Mardi Gras parade as part of a military unit. I was in the the front rank. While we were at a halt I could see two girls talking and pointing. Just before we started off again one of the girls reached out and squeezed my crotch. Didn’t really bother me, eighteen years old and all that.
Groped sexually? Nope. In a fight in the 6th grade, the other kid went for my testicles. I kidney-punched him until he went flat, then knee-dropped him.
Perfectly understandable to me, and to most others, IMHO.
(Though, not to everyone, apparently.)
(bolding mine)
Yes, you most certainly can. It’s not just ‘commenting’ on someone though, it’s the comment, that is made. (See post, below.)
Make the wrong type of comment, to the wrong person, and you could very well wake up wondering if anybody got the license plate number of the ‘truck’ that just ‘cleaned your clock’, so to speak. :eek:
Back in the late 70s I was using a pay phone in New York City near Times Square, and a hooker grabbed my dick. But I just count that as a particularly aggressive sales technique. I waved her off (and checked to make sure I still had my wallet.)
