A hostess in a bar in Baltimore gave me the ‘handshake’ as we entered the joint, probably tipped by the local plant manager who was trying to show us out of towners a good time.
But, to me, a stranger story was when, at a convention I attended with my wife, her (single) best friend came to our room at the hotel, clearly depressed (I think because she encountered an old male friend at the convention and he didn’t want to get together again…??). After a bit, I’m sitting in a comfortable easy chair with my legs on the footstool, and, with my wife sitting right there, lay herself down on top of me, and said, “I just need someone to hold me for a while.”
My wife and I were more bemused than offended. The friend eventually left, leaving behind her dress coat and scarf. I went to her room to return it and ‘caught’ her leaving the room, having changed completely into a cocktail dress since we saw her last. She said she was going to go get a snack and some water…
Maybe she was hoping the ‘human contact’ we might give her would keep her from going out to find a ‘partner’, wrestling with her moral compass.
I do know my wife and I never mentioned the incident in the future to her or to each other. Some things are just too strange to dwell on.
By women, yeah. When out at bars/nightclubs I’ll occasionally get my ass squeezed. (It’s a cute butt, what can I say?) I don’t do anything about it, but I do always think “Awesome.”
Get oggled by dudes plenty, but no hands-on so far.
Just because you think he’s gay, doesn’t mean he is (bisexual men do exist), and I don’t think it’s your call to make that the women weren’t threatened and should have been flattered. Anyway closeted gay guys can get prosecuted for groping women too, all it takes is someone to press charges and have a decent case.
aNewLeaf: Perhaps a slight change in phrasing will help you see the difference. Yes, you can comment ON a woman, as an aside to your friends or privately in your head. It’s making a comment TO a woman that will get you in trouble. Most women accept that men are thinking about the women’s looks, good or bad, when they look at them. It’s just kinda what men do. The problem is when you let you mouth run with your thoughts. Very few women are going to appreciate it when you walk by and say, out loud, “Hey baby, nice tits!”
A girl who hung out in my social circle in college randomly grabbed my ass on three or four separate occasions. Honestly, I mostly felt flattered because she was pretty cute. On the other hand, she knew I had a girlfriend at the time, so it did make me question her character a bit. I just ignored the groping because I was worried that commenting might cause drama or awkwardness, and that didn’t seem worth the effort.
That was the only example of legitimate groping I ever experienced. A couple of times I’ve had to shoot down romantic overtures from women which did involve touching, but not what I’d consider the groping variety. I’ve never been groped or sexually propositioned in any fashion by a man.
Not groping as such, but on at least three occasions, I have had women walk up to me and stop with one breast pressed into my arm. Usually at work. On one occasion, I made kind of a joke of it by moving my arm around against her (that time, there was no one else nearby).
Girls:
Walking through the mall in high school, got my ass pinched, turned around to see a couple girls giggling and running away.
At work I was leaning over a coworkers desk working on an issue with him. Girl walked by me and slapped my ass, got her papers off the printer and slapped me again on the way back.
(Different) Married coworker while driving from one site to another for a corporate meeting, a little after word spread that I was separated, grabbed and massaged my crotch from the passenger seat…
Guys:
Too young to remember much, only remember bit and pieces and get really uncomfortable when the thought pops in my head, but it was a family friend and he didn’t seem to come around a lot when I started getting older.
Way too drunk at a high school party went into the bathroom to splash cold water on my face and when I had my head in the sink, a hand touched my back. I stood up to see an (older) friend of a friend came in and told me that it would help wake me up if I put my head under. Put my head down and the hand crept downward and around to the front. I shot up and got out as fast as I could.
Jr High…substitute band teacher found out it was my birthday and pulled me into a practice room and wouldn’t let me leave until I let him give me birthday spankings…one for each year.
Thank you for the memory! I’ve had this happen as well…in school a girl walked beside me and a little behind me with her breast touching my arm for the length of the hall. I know it took about 5 years to come to the conclusion she was hitting on me. :smack:
I’m not a lady but that’s from Flirting 101, the chapter on Overt Moves For The Really Dense. It’s the section after Furtive Hand Placement - Touching Him While Making Steady Eye Contact, but before Neck Massaging (Oh, Are Those My Breasts Against Your Head?). After that, I think they hit you over the head with something.
These moves are the “safe” grinds - touching you provocatively but seeming inadvertent for plausible deniability. Step away from the arm or lean your head forward out of boob range if you’re not interested, press back gently (and briefly), if you are. That said, the most common reaction is freezing up and not breathing, or jerking away in alarm if you’re feeling extra spazzy.
This, I think, is why women sometimes think men are unusually dense. You’ve already named relevant contexts that would make you ignore such signals: relatives and people paid to touch you in some manner. The girl from Supercuts has to run her fingers thru your hair; Cheryl from Accounting, however, is trying to tell you something.
I was working at my desk with a married woman from another department standing behind me. She started stroking the back of my neck. My co-workers (who, incidentally, were all women) didn’t see it and refused to believe it. A few days later she did it again, and this time she was spotted, although not called on it.
Several weeks later I overheard her telling another co-worker that she and her husband had been going through a rough time but they were trying to work through it.
Several times but never gave it much thought. One time a sloppy drunk chick in a bar came over and started flirting with me. I was polite but tried to ignore the best I could. Before I knew it she was nibbing on my neck and doing something with her lips that was driving me insane, I suddenly became willing.
Once, by a man. I was about 18 and was at the coffee hour after services at my church. It was crowded, and I was talking to the father of a friend, and he very quickly copped a feel (squeezed my ass). Surprised the hell out of me. A couple of years later I heard he had come out as gay and moved to Texas with his boyfriend.
I always say *I will only go to a woman dentist because I *expect pain from women (I have even told my dentist that). But, you know, having breasts dragged over my head is a nice offset, though I am sure that is all unavoidable.
Once, that I can remember right now.
I: aged 43. At lifelong friend’s funeral. After the ceremony, I went by to greet all of other family members. Sis. Brother. Mom. Hugged all. Stood there chatting. His Mom began caressing my butt. Didn’t stop. I waited. Still didn’t stop. I didn’t want to offend her, and I wasn’t really sure it was a proper grope, since parents may give a pat on the butt to their kids, or kids’ best friends, in these situations, and who knows what meds she may have been on. She just kept on. I was hoping anyone else would come and call one of us away, but, it didn’t happen. I wasn’t against it because I was being groped, but, because she was ugly and fat.
Good for a story. Then, about 2 months later, at work, a female co-worker started pawing me in the *exact *same manner. No objection this time, with a sexual ending.