Men going their own way (MGTOW)

[LinusK]

@you_with_the_face

The men we’re talking about in this thread don’t seem to care or appreciate how often this fear-mongering is directed at women, either. And it comes from men and women. Unhelpful reminders about how our eggs shrivel up the day after we turn 35, so don’t wait forever, ladies!. Tsk tsk tsking when women choose to study rather than pursue their MRS degree, as if college isn’t really about learning and making yourself competitive in the workplace. It’s about finding Mr. Right! Threads like this one which espouse the idea that it’s a father’s duty to encourage his daughters to marry early in life, or else she’ll hit 30 and find herself a spinster.

And how many times have women been warned about trying to “have it all”? As if “having it all” isn’t something that men have taken for granted for most of modern history? The implication is that women should fear becoming too successful, because success is antithetical to a balanced homelife. Men can’t be expected to be equal co-parents, and of course, forget about expecting them to cook, clean, and all those other girlie things. So a woman who wants to do well career-wise and have a family needs to prepared to “do it all”. This is rubbish.

Mmm, actually it is harder to have a child after 35… My wife and I waited to have a child. She was about 34 when we started “trying”. It took over two years, and we’d given up (in terms of doing all the things you’re supposed to do when you’re “trying” to have a kid) when it finally happened. She was considered a “high-risk” pregnancy, because she was over 35. You can blame patriarchy if you want, but really it’s just biology.

Also, nobody has ever been able to “have it all”.

You can be at work, or you can be with your child. But (unless you’re very fortunate) you can’t do both.

Men can’t be expected to be equal co-parents, and of course, forget about expecting them to cook, clean, and all those other girlie things

This is just sexist stereotyping. I’ve always done more cleaning than my wife (because she basically doesn’t care what the house looks like). When she took her first business trip - when our daughter was 3 weeks old - I stayed home and took care of her. And did it every time she took a business trip - which is 4 - 5 times a year. There’s nothing “girlie” about being a good father, or cleaning up, for that matter.

I know I’m only one data point, but all the men I know who want to be fathers, want to be good fathers. And cleaning up - so far as I can see - is more about who cares more about the mess, than about gender.