In Japan, they monetize that skill. It’s called being a hostess in a club. The club charges good money for women to make the man seem like a hero while pouring drinks and singing karaoke.
The (vast?) majority of the interactions aren’t sexual and the women aren’t prostitutes. Rather, they are masters of building up men’s egos.
Oh, this is all so true — after I wrote what I did yesterday, I was thinking about how the guys always notice if a women seems angry- whereas a male employee would probably need to scream and throw things at his coworkers before anyone noticed he “seemed angry”.
You post reminded me of the time I took my boyfriend to work. I sold home automation systems, and I did most of my own field service work. I had a service job on a large property and my boyfriend at the time thought it would be fun to work with me for the day, so I brought him in and introduced him as my assistant. He was an investment banker, about 15 years older than me, a nice looking confident guy.
And all day long, my clients kept treating him like he was my boss, taking him aside and requesting additional work, asking him if he could have me do this and that. I guess they really thought I worked for him and that we were playing a little game where I pretended to be the boss.
I laughed it off. I always did.
These delicate men who don’t want to be alone with a woman, for fear of being unjustly accused of something, are inevitably the same guys who’s egos are deeply offended if a pretty young girl hesitates to get into an elevator with them, or chooses not to sit beside them on the subway.
Delicate creatures with delicate egos.
I’m a guy, 6’ 3", and I try to picture what life would be like if half the population was a foot taller than me, 50% heavier than me, with many of them wanting to get “inside” me. That’s something I always try to keep in mind.
Anyone remember WKRP in Cincinnati?
Be an Andy Travis. Heck, be a Les Nesman, or the wacky DJ, or the dithering boss, or the cool black guy.
Do not be a Herb Tarlek, drooling all over Jennifer.
By contrast, women who’ve been groped in public, rubbed up against on a crowded bus, leered at on the street and almost raped once on a date, (I would remind you this is blindingly close to most women!), are all expected to get Into elevators, cabs etc, to get over it and move through the world like it’s no big deal.
Here’s another example. My wife was buying an RV to drive around the country for a book. She was going to drive it while I stayed home. She had done the research. Yet when we went together to lots the salesmen (and I emphasize men) wouldn’t talk to her, only me, no matter how much we explained the situation.
She finally went by herself and got some traction, but it was infuriating.
Yeah, I recognized it, and you’re right – it’s usually older men. It’s nauseating. I immediately lose all respect for this type of man.
Another thing I’ve noticed -and I’ve seen this dozens of times- on a large construction site with dozens of workers - if a vendor, delivery person or other guest walks onto the site, they will invariably approach any female in view for direction or instruction. They always head straight for the woman in the room.
It’s not that they think that the woman is in charge. It’s because the women will always be more accommodating, she’ll stop what she’s doing, greet them and point them towards the person they’re looking for, or tell them where the supervisor is, she’ll always do the helpful thing……where 4 out of 5 times if they approach a guy he won’t take the time or energy to give a helpful response.
At the RV dealership I spent years at, our best sales people talked to the women because they had learned that they often controlled the purse strings.
Some learned quicker than others.
We have that in the US, too. They’re called escort services.
Aren’t escort services mostly about sex or that it usually also includes sex as part of the evening? Hostesses rarely have sex with clients unless the client has spent far too much money at the establishment.
Reading through this thread only reinforces my policy of avoiding anything remotely sexual.
“Cute Skirt”? He was leering at me. I would never comment on any item of clothing a female employee or co-worker was wearing
“Pat on the back” He violated me physically. Don’t touch female employees.
“Shoulder rub”. Damn near sexual assault.
“Asked me to lunch”. He asked me for a date.
I have mentored many a female employee, including millennials and Gen Z. Keep it professional and you won’t have a problem. But you do have to be careful.
None of the above would be considered problematic if it were male-male interaction.
P.S. I married a coworker. She made the first move.
In theory, there’s no sex involved, which is why escort services are legal. Some percentage of them are covers for prostitution, but I have no idea how high that percentage is.
No personal experience here, either, but from what I read, it’s a very high percentage. Hostess clubs are not. There are rent a woman for the whole night places in Japan as well, but mostly you go to the establishment there and the women stay there the whole time with no back rooms. In fact, it cost extra to have the same woman stay at your table the whole time.
And a lot of people assume by default that if there’s a woman somewhere in a workplace, those must be part of her job duties. It’s not just about what they instinctively expect of women psychologically: it’s that they look at a woman in a workplace and part of their brain just automatically clicks on “receptionist”.
So should men “avoid women” in that situation. Lest they be accused of sexism?
Men (and everyone else) should think consciously about who’s the appropriate designated person to approach when they need instruction or direction on entering somebody else’s workplace, rather than just thoughtlessly letting their inner toddler propel their feet in the direction of whoever seems most like Mommy because they know Mommy will help them.
If they don’t have clear enough information about who’s the appropriate designated person to approach, or if they aren’t getting adequate assistance from that person, they should bring that to the attention of somebody in charge.
None of which requires having any personal policy about “avoiding women” or not avoiding them. As you yourself remarked, keep it professional and you won’t have a problem.
Who is in charge? Wouldn’t walking past a female CEO who is in charge, to ask a male receptionist who is charge be considered sexist?
It is a minefield.
Why? Is the CEO wearing a large neon placard that says “I Am the CEO and Therefore I Am in Charge Here, Direct Your Questions to Me”?
I have never encountered or heard of a workplace situation where it was considered inappropriate for a visitor to ask a receptionist for information needed for the purpose of their visit. Irrespective of the gender of the receptionist (or of the visitor for that matter).