Seriously, I’m not a pig, chauvinist, prevert, etc. And I don’t want to offend anyone, especially not a co-worker. But men, or at least some men, have hard wired (sorry) in their system an inclination to casually glance at a woman’s breasts during a conversation. As long as we don’t gawk, is this considered offensive?
I really do try and be discreet. If posed a question, I’ll look down at my feet to ponder which requires her to employ a protractor to really know where my gaze lies.
Sometimes, it’s obvious a woman is strictly business or isn’t interested. Fine. Gaze met and held. But other times, during casual flirting and whatnot, is a quick glance ever taken as the sign of appreciation it’s meant to be?
No, it is not a compliment. Yes, women KNOW where you’re looking no matter how subtle you think you’re being. If I am in a business context and a guy’s eyes do “the flick” I am not going to be complimented. I am going to feel like a piece of meat. When you are speaking to me, at least PRETEND to take me seriously. Thanks.
As long as men don’t GLARE or keep taking glances through the whole conversation(hence, looking like perverts who are 12 y.o.), it’s only human. Heck, I even glance every now and then. If they are dressed nicely, no matter what size, it’s hard not to take a peek If I’m out with a guy and he glances every now and then I am usually flattered… it’s part of being a woman I guess.
Whoa! So, we’re gonna call it “the flick” then? Ok.
I hate the flick. I detest it. It’s one of the more humilitaing things a man can do. Of course, I mean I hate the flick in a business setting. When a man does the flick, I immediately turn off with him. I’ll wrap up any conversation in about two seconds after a business-setting flick.
Is it really so damned hard to maintain eye contact?
Maybe I should have clarified why we would do such, or at least why SOME of us would. Women are beautiful, it’s just that simple. To men you’re works of art. Just because we look doesn’t necessarily mean sexual or deviant thoughts are running through our heads. Instead, please think of our impulse more as if we’re in a gallery admiring a nice painting or sculpture. Just because I might appreciate it’s subtle lines and imagination doesn’t mean I’m dying to own it and have it hanging over my mantle.
I don’t mind a quick glance. Hey for all I know, you could be admiring my blouse rather than what’s in it. As long as you are being discrete, I wouldn’t be offended. Having a conversation with my chest would offend me though. I usually look away for a second or two at something during a conversation, rather than maintain constant direct eye contact. But FTR, I am looking at your pants, not your crotch.
A few weeks ago I stopped by the local convenience store and a guy held the door for me and literally did not take his eyes off of my breasts the entire time. I could have felt threatened I guess, but his look really was like he appreciated them and he didn’t try to talk to me so I was alright with it. If he had then tried to strike up a conversation I would have been very uncomfortable. Instead I thought to myself, “I thought this shirt looked pretty good on me today too.” I think it definitely depends on the situation.
lieu, when you glance at a woman’s breasts while you are having a work-related conversation, what you are saying to her is this: “You make sound with mouth and have big tits. I see them. You see me see them?”
I realize that you are a man who appreciates the female form. I think it is very sweet. However, you have to understand that if I can’t get you to focus on what I am saying to you, then you impose a feeling of unimportance on me. I would steer clear of you if you did this to me at work.
Yes! Whenever I talk to a woman with attractive breasts in a business context I make a supreme effort no to look at her chest because I have a good idea exactly how such a glance will be interpreted. But sometimes my eyes have a way of darting away from me. Imagine talking to a person with a huge sign on his chest that says “DON’T LOOK HERE” and trying with all your might not to look at it. It’s not the easiest thing in the world. The breast thing is deeply hardwired into my brain and it’s not something that I can turn off. “The flick” may appear sinister and leering but try not to disregard the possibility that it’s just an innocent slip.
Sincere question: Is it really one of the most humiliating
things a man can do, or were you exaggerating? Does it
meet the criteria for sexual harrassment, for instance?
Well, for me, it kinda is, because I’m kinda shy. I
intersperse slight eye contact with looks away. But I’m pretty sure I just look at the wall instead, slightly
askance and yes, down. I hope it’s not interpreted as
‘the flick.’ If I do look there, I’m not concious of it,
and I don’t enjoy it.
Yes, the flick is very humiliating in a business setting. The flick has it’s place, just like everything else in the world. People should just know when to employ it. Think context, that’s all.
I know I’m quite possibly going to be flamed for this, but what the hell.
Breasts are a SEXUAL characteristic, and look the way they do not for functional reasons (i.e. breastfeeding), but to be a sexual signal. Read “The Naked Ape” by Desmond Morris, if you disagree,
Large breasted women do not produce more milk than small-breasted women. Female chimps have no breasts at all, just nipples, and have no trouble feeding their young.
The reason human breasts are the way they are, and not just nipples on a flat chest, is to attract the male eye. They evolved to be “uselessly” large just like the peacock’s tail; to signal sexual maturity. To expect act men to act differently after hundreds of thousands of years because of a business setting, a situation so recent to have no evolutionary significance whatsoever, is to be incredibly naive.
At the very least, recognize that it takes effort not to look, and that our natural urge is to take a gander. We are not going out of our way to be obnoxious, it is just that it takes eternal vigilance, and we are going to slip up occasionally.
And for Christ’s sakes, if you wear something that has your cleavage hanging out, you have no one to blame but yourself. I suppose I should be able to wear pants that have my testicles swinging out my fly, and be pissed when people look? “How about some eye contact, ya pervs!”
I doubt that women who show a lot of cleavage are going to be insulted by a quick peek, Revtim, but you know that a lot of men define “flaunting it” as wearing anything more form-fitting than a choir robe.
In my opinion, unless you are on a date, maybe even the second or third date, “subtle” means undetectable, in which case the OP’s question is moot.
I would just like to jump in and say, at work it would be a little offputting. I wouldn’t run to my boss and ask for compensation for my humiliation, but I may clear my throat at you. I wouldn’t feel VIOLATED per se, more than just an eyerolling annoyance.
But AFTER work, I’m usually dressed to accentuate my breasts, since they’re really all I’ve got to flaunt, so frankly, I’d be UPSET if you weren’t looking at them
If I’m out with a guy and he glances every now and then I am usually flattered… it’s part of being a woman I guess.