Women want men to look at their eyes, not at their breasts

In My Humble Opinion
1

A frequently stated refrain here: women complain that when men talk to them, they stare at their boobs when if they had any respect or decency they would look them in the eye. I keep reading this a lot in other message boards too: one member of Salon Table Talk had as her tagline: “Are these your eyeballs? I found them in my cleavage.” I gather that this boob-staring must happen a lot for it to be discussed so much.

I had occasion to reflect on the issue today at work. I’m a team leader and someone new was assigned to my team: a woman who happens to be, um, generously endowed up front. As I stood speaking with her at length explaining about the work, I (conscious of the above complaints) was scrupulous to hold her eyes very steadily with my gaze, and she reciprocated. So far so good.

However — I think behavior scientists will back me up on this — in human interaction, it just is not possible to hold another person’s gaze for an indefinite time. Desmond Morris noted that the only situations where two people stare fixedly into each other’s eyes are 1. being deeply in love; 2. fighting with intense rage and hatred. Presumably, neither belongs in the workplace.

So, every so often, every 10 seconds or so, a person just can’t help breaking the eye contact for half a second, looking away, before resuming eye contact. It seems to be ingrained in our human nature.

When I break eye contact with someone, which direction do I look? To look sideways would appear “shifty-eyed,” like a shady character planning to swindle you. That’s out. To look up is the infamous “rolleyes” smiley, which is an insult to the other person, as if to say “I’ve had enough of your crap.” I would never do that to someone I wanted to get along with. That leaves only one direction to look: down. I feel that to look down can show humility and respect for the other person.

Of course, when I glanced down during our conversation, what sight filled my vision? That’s right. She could not fail to observe my getting an eyeful of her breastal region as my eyes flicked down to my feet and back up again. Oh oh, now I’ve done it, I thought. I’ll be forever marked as a sex fiend. It was just a flick, but women complain about the surreptitious “eye flick” toward their boobs as much as outright staring. No matter how I tried to avoid doing it, I turned into a culprit just the same.

I will not dispute any of you ladies who reply that you have caught men intentionally staring at your, um, feminine charms. I validate your stories. I believe you. But today it did make me wonder if sometimes innocent men aren’t accused of this just because there are only a limited number of places to direct your eyesight, and sooner or later one is bound to land in the forbidden zone despite one’s best efforts not to. Does anyone have an opinion they’d like to share?

2

So…how were they? :wink:

3

Well, not being a lady, I can’t comment on that. But I did have a friend in high school who used to complain to the ladies that if they didn’t want people to look at their breasts, they should stop wearing shirts with clever logos and sayings printed right there, because then you start reading their shirt, and they catch you reading it, and, um, no, I didn’t mean to, I was just, uh, reading, uh…

(that’s how he described it, pretty much word-for word :slight_smile: )

So, in any case, I agree with you. There’s only so much you can look at without looking at them.

4

Well, which direction do you look when you’re talking with another man?

I’m assuming that the woman you’re describing was dressed in normally-appropriate attire for the workplace and not as if she were in a night club, which is another thing altogether.

5

Maybe it’s just me, but I occasionally like it when a guy looks at my chest. It’s huge, so it’s hard to avoid glancing at, and as long as it’s not the complete focus of their attention, it’s kind of flattering. I do tend to wear shirts with writing or graphics across the region, so it’s very understandable. I still someday really want to own a shirt that says, in smaller-than-usual type, directly across the boobage, “Stop staring at my tits”. It would be highly amusing, I think. :smiley:

But anyways, even though I kind of enjoy it, never ever assume that other girls are like me. I think your downward eye flick was okay under the curcumstances, but next time, maybe look over her shoulder?

6

I am not a woman, but I asked this question of one of my female friends once. She said that if I wanted to be really careful not to give offense, I should just look over her shoulder or at her nose or somesuch, but that it wasn’t all that big a deal.

On preview: yeah, what Antares said.

7

It’s always been my habit to break eye contact (with anyone at all, regardless of gender) by looking straight down. Over the other person’s shoulder? At their nose? I’ll try that next time.

8

Carry a clip board or note pad and look at that.
BTW: Do guys like it when women stare at their crotch or butt? I sometimes have a problem in letting myself gaze at a Homer Simpson type belly on a man. I guess whatever is very large is what we focus on.

9

Did someone say “breasts”?

Just the mention of the word conjures up some mighty pleasant thoughts… [sub]mmmmm… breasts…[/sub]

What were we talking about?

Oh yeah… it’s natural for men to notice breasts, they are the most obvious secondary sexual characteristic that identifies women as being women.

I can understand why some women might get upset if they feel that a man is staring but they should also understand that we are hard wired to look. Larger breasts… [sub]mmmmm…[/sub] have a tendency to be more noticeable. If you were to meet my beloved you would probably be struck first by the fact that she has great breasts… [sub]mmmm… Lola’s breasts…[/sub]

I would suggest that when you are talking to this lady you break your gaze by looking over her shoulder, at her hair, her earings, and making it a point not to be caught staring at your co-worker’s generous endowments.

With all that being said… how were they?

:wink:

10

Blatantly staring at women’s breasts whilst conversing is just plain rude.

Expecting men not to look at a gal’s cleavage? I’ll quote The Simpsons’ Doctor Hibbert:

“Sure, and Hillbillys want to be called ‘sons of the soil,’ but it ain’t going to happen.”

11

I think its more the case of when guys TALK to your boobs… not just an eye flick (hell if that was the case, then I’m a sex fiend for checking out a few male crotch areas!)…

There is one guy in work here and he talks to women’s boobs… I never answer until he looks in my face, and then I deliberately make some sort of movement so he knows I know he was doing it - doesnt stop him though. sighs

12

The other area is in sports. Say you’re playing basketball - if you look in the eyes of your opponnent they can fake you out easily. So instead you look at their center of gravity, which happens to be the middle of their chest.

13

I’m no good with this “instinct” thing or this “social interaction” thing. Are you supposed to break eye contact? Is it rude not to? I’ve always stared at people I’m talking to, and I haven’t been called on it yet. Should I try this “looking away” thing?

14

heh heh … he said “tit”

15

Wear dark glasses so they can’t tell you are looking at them.

As a guy, I work at the aquarium & as such, have to wear a name tag above my nipple. Well, guess what? In order to read it, women stare at my chest! I don’t like that too much. But you have to wear it there, so not much option.

16

You think it’s bad when you’re a supervisor,
try being someone’s therapist and dealing with the same issue.

Prolonged eye contact is way too intense, too challenging, and depending on culture might be downright rude or an invitation to fight.

I think a glance isn’t anything to be worried about, it’s if you’re conversing with the bosoms only that’s a problem.

Speaking strictly as a guy here: Wouldn’t it be nice if we could just converse with the breasteses?

17

… takes of glasses, leans in…
“I can’t make it out. ‘Stop wearing all my shirts?’ That doesn’t make any sense.”

How about “I’m up here” with an arrow pointing up?

We had a thread on this a couple years ago, and there were quite a few ladies who felt that the casual flick of the eyes down to the chestal regions was on the order of a pat on the fanny as far as professional behavior went.

My response was, “Okay, next time you’re talking to a guy who’s wearing a suit, don’t look at his tie. Not even for a second. I want you to walk away from that conversation with absolutely no idea whether or not he had a tie tack, or what it looked like. Let me know how that works out.”

Speaking of fighting (how’s THAT for a seque?), I met a lady once at an SCA fighter practice who was dressed in a Greek muscled cuirass (like this, only with female chestal protrusions…). She said it was very handy to be able to drop her shield and jacklight men… they’d freeze solid for about three seconds staring at the steel nipples, during which time she’d whack them a good one.

18

I usually break eye contact by looking at the forehead, or a point slightly over the person’s head. I think you have to be looking pretty far up to be misconstrued as :rolleyes: .

As for the booby-spotting, it’s a natural thing to survey the human form. I look at boobies all the time. Men may also feel free to look at mine. I’ll also look at the male crotchal region, especially when clad in dress pants or tight jeans. I’m an equal opportunity letch, especially on public transportation.

19

Heh, heh.

We’re getting mandatory photo I.D.s here at work for the first time. The HR Dept. instructions specifically state that the badges must be worn hanging from a lanyard around the neck so as to rest in the upper 1/3 of the torso. The anal HR types then felt the need to point out that torso is defined as the region from the waist to the neck.

Well, gee, guess where that puts the I.D. badges?

There has been some grumbling …

20

That must be why so many women are getting eyeball implants!

Here is my own perception. The “My Eyes Are Nice, Too!” t-shirts come about as a result of unabashed leering, not because a gaze passes over a woman’s chest during a conversation. I think there are times when it’s appropriate to be ogled, and times when it isn’t. It’s uncomfortable (to say the least) trying to give your boss your analysis of your department’s quarterly earnings when he’s drooling on your shirt. Even if I’m in a club with a WonderBra pushing up and a dress plunging down, I’d like at least a cursory acknowledgement that I’m attached to those but that’s a different atmosphere and I’m likely to be more forgiving of a longer than just passing glance.

As for checking out a guy’s crotch, what can you ever see unless he’s wearing a Speedo?