I can’t figure out what the word “cute” means to women. They rarely want to be called cute, but they spend that phrase on everything else: flowers, dresses, babies, animals, even their boyfriends. What the hell is “cute?”
Also, why can’t I seem to use the word correctly (according to many women who, when I use the word in their presence, roll their eyes)?
It seems to me that this word has become stripped of useful meaning, and I can’t figure out why. Gender politics? I have no idea.
What does “cute” mean to you, and what is your gender?
Male. If I call a woman “cute,” it’s because I find the woman generally sexually attractive, especially when it’s based on a healthy, young appearance. My ex-g/f hated being told she was cute, and she claimed “cute” and “hot” were mutually exclusive-- in other words, when I told her she was cute, she interpreted it as if I’d said she was not sexy. I countered by saying “cute” and “hot” could coexist, with “cute” being an overall adjective, and “hot” being a situation-specific adjective. Like, Jessica Alba is cute, and she was also hot in Sin City. Her response: oh, you like Jessica Alba more than me? (Yeah, it was one of those weird “arguments” where, no matter what I say, it’s wrong.)
:rolleyes: And that’s when you kicked her to the curb?
It has several meanings for me:
-Sexually attractive
-Adorable, as in a puppy
-Wiseass behavior
I think that when women get offended at being called cute, they take it as definition 2. At least one woman thought it meant that she was a child, and therefore unattractive.
Naw. She was cute, after all, so I kept dating her. She didn’t like my follow-up question: “Would you rather I call you handsome?” (The “argument” was playful in nature, anyway… we’d been tweaking each other in similar fashion for a bit that day.)
She said something similar to what you mention, though-- she felt that “cute” should be reserved for child-like adorableness.
Me, I like the word “cute” because it expresses appreciation for a person’s attractiveness when other words seem inappropriate. “Hot” and “sexy” are more like preludes to hot, sexy action. “Pretty” and “attractive” seem contrived and forced if the receiver happens to be dressed down, tired and frazzled, or whatever. It still demonstrates attraction where phrases like “you look nice” seem devoid of attraction.
Kind of funny-- no problem with me telling her I loved her, even though I use “love” in other contexts. I love pizza, I love my cat. Why do I get to use “love” in a bunch of contexts without spoiling its meaning when applied to a significant other, but “cute” only gets to retain one meaning?
One guy told me he considered me “pretty,” which was the next rung up from “cute.” From him, then, I guess, it would have been a downgrade. I for one welcome being called cute. I’d say there are some kinds of attractive that aren’t cute, but cute is almost always attractive.
Cute, to me, means when I look at something, or when someone does something for me, it inspires irresistable smiles or giggles, because whatever I’m looking at/or experiencing is innocent of the idea that it is so darn adorable. The feeling is often flooded with overwhelming love for whatever it is, unconditional and often illogical. My heart beats a little faster - but, it is, in no way, sexual. ie: Puppies, kittens, babies, little girls skipping happily with ice cream cones, a dress that is totally my style, haning there on the rack as if it were made just for me = awwww! So cute!
It can, however, be a bridge to something more sexual. ie: My husband walking in with a big grin on his face and wearing nothing but whipped cream. It’s cute because he set out to be sexy, but he just looks so silly. But I am suddenly filled with love for him and his goofy smile and the whipped cream making a mess all over the damned floor, and he’s suddenly just the cutest thing ever. He’s like a puppy who got into the toilet paper rolls. How could you ever be mad at someone you love so much and looks so eager? That feeling turns into something a little deeper as it sinks in that, hey, not only does he look cute, he *wants * me, too. Hey, he’s pretty sexy. To hell with the mess, let’s have sex now.
That’s probably a little extreme, and FTR, the above situation has never happened, just for those who may think I’m sharing TMI. I’m just trying to find a way to bridge cute to sexy, because I know it happens and I can’t think of anything specific.
I know teenaged girls use it an awful lot, but they use a lot of words an awful lot that may or may not mean exactly what’s intended. I think they mostly mean it in a visual context: “That boy is cute!” but at that stage of our lives, there are a lot of raging hormonal changes happening, and it is often demure slang for “I’d hit it.” There are older women who still use it in this way, as well. While we are experiencing a greater amount of sexual freedom, we’re still living in an age where, to both men and women, speaking out loud about wanting to sleep with anything more than one man for the rest of your life gets you labelled a slut by many, many people. So it’s sometimes a euphemism.
Speaking with a wide brush now, but men, in my experience, tend to say what they mean. There are many definitions, but when most people open a dictionary, I feel they are thinking to see this one (despite it not being the first entry):
When a man uses the word “cute”, there tends to be a pause when we hear it - it depends hugely on context. When another woman says it, it’s often apparent to us what she means, as we are usually well versed in the varying shades of what “cute” means coming from another female. But men generally don’t use it as often as we do, and so it takes time to wonder: “What shade of cute does he mean? Do I make him think of a child? Or am I being childlike (which, for whatever reason, isn’t as bad)? Did I just do something to make him say that? Do I have mustard on my shirt? Is my hair sticking up weird? Does he want to sleep with me (this is likely the right answer but I’ve been jaded in the past and I don’t like to jump to conclusion until I analyse every last thing from the shoes he was wearing to the lilt of his voice when he said it with five of my best girlfriends, three random females, two of my closest gay friends, and make up an internet poll about the whole thing before I’ll ever believe that he wants to get with me)? WTH?” <-- wide brush, wide, wide brush.
Ultimately, it depends on the individual. My husband, FTR, thinks I’m super cute. To this, I generally respond with a playful pout and a loud, “NUT UH!” Until he argues back “YAH HUH!” I take a playful jab and counter the argument with the same “NUT UH!” and he jabs back and we go round and round indefinitely, or until we wind up on the couch in a vicious tickle fight.
I like it just fine, though. It may not be “sexy”, but it means that when he looks at me, he feels like I was just made especially for him, at that moment, to bring a smile to his face and fill his heart to capacity. And that most certainly could lead to better things.
AWWWW!
And I haven’t even* touched * on the sarcasm factor.
For guys, cute nearly always includes an element of the diminutive along with attractiveness. (The references to babies, above, are indicative of that usage.) When used of women, it can mean that the woman is small or that the woman evokes attitudes of protectiveness, regardless of size, but it would be unlikely to hear it said of an Amazon.)
For gals, cute simply means that the target of the word is attractive in some fashion. I have heard guys described as “ugly cute”–something no guy would be likely to say of a woman.
(For those of you who may be thinking this confusion of meanings is a recent phenomenon, I will point out that I was involved in similar discussions when in high school over 40 years ago.)
I had a male friend who went through a phase where “hot” and “sexy” were sexist and offensive, and wouldn’t allow them to be used in his presence. So I got used to calling women I found hot and sexy “cute,” which satisfied him. Go figure.
Outside of that, though, I call a woman cute when she has a youthful look/attitude and is hot. Jewel Staite is cute. I rely on context as far as cute-adorable and cute-attractive go: I think it can be assumed that if I’m calling a puppy or baby cute, I am not actually attracted to it.
I call a woman sexy when she has a more mature nature and is hot. Morena Baccarin is sexy.
When it comes to women calling men cute, as far as I’ve been able to tell, I’ve been called cute by women who don’t think I’m attractive enough to have sex with but don’t want to hurt my feelings.
When talking about guys, ‘cute’ and ‘hot’ are, if not synonymous, at least closely related.
When talking about anything else though, ‘cute’ (to me, anyways) signifies ‘girly’–flowers, lace, frills, sugar and spice, that sort of thing. A smart person NEVER calls me ‘cute’, unless they’re suicidal. I just don’t see myself as ‘cute’–‘cute’ is for little girls. Feminine, hot, sexy, pretty–those sort of adjectives are fine.
I don’t know if the OP was party to the other thread where the guy met a woman and she called him “cute.” I posted that I thought “cute” was the kiss of death for a guy b/c puppies are cute, little boys are cute, etc. I thought it meant “Your vibe is attractive but not sexual” when a woman says it to a man.
But there’s that commercial on TV where a teenage boy says hi to a girl and her friends say “Oh, he’s cute!” Note, they didn’t say it to HIM. I’ll let the women fight my ignorance on this.
Personally, I like cute women. And beautiful women. And hot women. The initial appeal is different but it’s all good. I don’t tell women they’re cute b/c it would feel like patting them on the head. I don’t tell them they’re hot because it would feel like calling them a sex object. And beautiful…well, they probably already know.
I might point out that these aren’t set in stone. E.g. if you put Traylor Howard into the right clothes, she’d transform from cute to hot.
I’d think cute/hot/beautiful are all subsets of attractive, whether it’s male or female.
And you’re absolutely right, lobotomy, it’s definitely context-related. Well, maybe it’s usually context-related–i’m having trouble seeing Pamela Anderson as anything but hot. Someone like Bellucci, though, could probably pull off all three.
I used to not like being called cute because of the child-like implication that often comes with it. I wanted to be sexy, hot, beautiful, etc, not cute. And for some of these guys who were calling me cute, they seemed to be expressing their disinterest. I’d see them going after women they regarded as sexy after calling me cute. I would also get creepy pedophilistic guys who would call me cute which really soured me to the word. I know that human males tend to be attractive to youthful features and that most of them who use cute now mean it as a compliment, but it’s not my favorite word to be called unless I am engaging in behavior which is child-like or innocent (something I don’t do most of the time).
When I use the word cute I use it synonymously with adorable. A guy/girl can be cute (child-like, adorable, hug-able) but not sexually attractive. A guy can be sexually attractive but also very cute.
When applied to guys:
Boyish good looks, rather than classic handsomeness. Or mischievous. Not less attractive or appealing than handsome, just so in a different way. I prefer cute to handsome.
When applied to other girls:
Not ravishingly gorgeous. Attractive in a natural, unintimidating way.
When applied to clothes:
An appreciated style or quality. Cute details, cute fabric print, cute collar design. Fun and casual. As opposed to old-lady, business attire, formal attire.
When applied to animals or children:
I don’t think I need to elaborate.
Personally, I like being called cute. I know I’m not beautiful. Call me that and I know you’re biased and exaggerating. In terms of beauty terms, “cute” sums up my perception of myself better than anything else.
