Eh. No harm, no foul. Get worked up about it (maybe) if said gay friend attempts hanky-panky in the middle of the night, sure, okay. Get worked up over the remote possibility? Now you’re stretching.
Or, put more simply: if you don’t trust your partner, you shouldn’t (IMO) be married in the first place.
My experience is that most people are honest, and that most people are able to share close quarters with another person without getting sexual. No, it wouldn’t bother me at all.
Hmm. Am I the only female who wouldn’t do it? Unless there was really no choice, I guess, and that would be a one-time only event. It wouldn’t even come up because I would automatically be all :dubious: and politely refuse. Then again, I don’t have much problem sleeping on the floor unless it’s too many nights in a row.
If you were 40 or so?! Sorry, Son, Sex doesn’t stop when you reach 40, it just gets better (or is that more desperate? 
).
If I were in the habit of platonically sleeping with women friends then I don’t see what the big deal would be. I’d also be married to someone who would understand. But, as I don’t sleep with people who I don’t have sex with, then if I got into bed with someone it is likely that I’d have sex on my mind. And as I don’t wear pajamas it might be pretty obvious what I was thinking even if I had no plans to act upon it as I got into bed.
I do assume the OP meant they were wearing some sort of clothing in bed? I mean really, gay or not that would be weird and pretty much unacceptable.
Wouldn’t bother me in the least, as long as it’s someone we both know. If it was just her friend and I’d not met him I’d be a bit suspicious.
I’d rather she avoid the situation. I wouldn’t be pissed off or jealous if she did, but I’ve got a slight bias towards removing yourself from the situation.
To me it would be unacceptable and I doubt many women would be so open-minded about letting their husbands sleep with some lesbian.
I don’t think anyone’s right or wrong in this situation, people have different comfort levels and the most important thing is that the couple talks about it so each person has an understanding of where the other one comes down on this issue.
Myself, I had this funny story about this one time where a coworker (also a friend), gay male and myself were on a business trip, and arrived to our hotel late at night to discover we had been accidentally booked into the honeymoon suite of a posh Italian hotel, and there weren’t any other rooms available. It had a huge king size bed, and coworker and I figured “hey, we have a big meeting tomorrow, we need to get some real rest, and that’s a large bed.” I was a little surprised that when I told Mr. Del that story (we were dating at the time), he didn’t find it very funny. He wasn’t exactly upset about it, but it wasn’t the hilarious work anecdote that I thought it was. Now that I know, I’d take greater steps to avoid any similar situation.
To be honest, I’m a big “mover” in my sleep – you know what I mean, I flop around a lot, so I try to avoid sharing beds with other people because I strongly suspect I will be disturbing their sleep, and I would feel badly about that. Because we’ve talked about the “Italian honeymoon” incident, Mr. Del is pretty confident that I wouldn’t be sharing a bed unless it was some compelling circumstance.
I’m surprised that so many here thinks that it is unacceptable for an SO to share a bed with a friend. If you trust your SO, I don’t see why it should be a problem. (I mean: if there is no trust, then why are you together in the first place?). I have done it, so has my GF (we’re both around 30 btw) - even with (gasp) straight friends of the opposite sex.
Not allowing your SO to share a bed with a friend sounds possessive and insecure to me.
Married, male, here.
I’d have no problem with it, I trust my wife. Orientation of other party matters not a whit, although if it was a straight male/lesbian I’d worry slightly about his/her possible mistaken interpretations of the intimacy involved. No-one likes sending mixed messages, I guess.
As long as there’s no spooning. That’s my job.
I trust my wife, but trust is not the issue here.
No, this would NOT be acceptable. The wife and I are both mature enough to evaluate a situation ahead of time and not get into circumstances where there is only one bed available.
No room for an air mattress? No motel nearby? Don’t go, It’s just that simple.
Why is trust not the issue? - What is the real issue, then? It seems to me that the only reason for denying it would be an idea that something of a sexual nature could happen. If this isn’t the case - i.e: If you trust your SO and her ability to judge her friend’s intentions - then why not allow it?
Because it would make me feel bad is she slept in bed with another man, just like it would make her feel bad if I slept in bed with another woman. It’s not a logical feeling, it’s emotional.
The world is full of options. In this case there are millions of places to sleep, so why pick the one that hurts your SO’s feelings?
Of course I trust my wife. It is the other fellow I don’t trust.
What if there was only enough hot water for 1 shower in the morning… would it be appropriate for your SO to shower with a gay member of the opposite sex?
It’s all about boundaries, not trust. I trust my girlfriend totally, but I would not be comfortable with her sharing a bed with another man… gay or straight, I wouldn’t be comfortable. I’d probably tell her that and not raise a huge stink about it, but I’d hope she’d find other sleeping arrangements.
For myself… I’d sleep on the floor or in a closet to avoid sharing a bed with a female, just out of respect for my girlfriend. There’s some things you should only do with a SO, and I think sleeping in the same bed is one of those.
So is showering, for the record.
I side with your husband. It is wrong (to me) and absolutely unacceptable (to me).
I realize that this issue falls back on emotions for most people, and I would certainly respect it if my GF told me that she didn’t approve of me doing it - even if she was unable (or unwilling) to provide a rational reason for her disapproval. I was merely curious as to why it arouses so strong emotions in some, when others seem to be very meh about it.
Perhaps the question is unanswerable - when it comes to relationships, the emotional seems to outweigh the rational a lot of the time anyway.
Again, I’d have no problem with that. I wouldn’t see it any different then when a bunch of us get together and go skinny dipping.
And that’s totally fine for you… some married couples don’t care if their mate has sex with other people. Like I said before, it’s all about boundaries in a relationship.
For me, I’d have a small problem with her sleeping in the same bed as another guy, and a huge problem with her showering with one. However, I wouldn’t care a bit if she goes out and has a couple drinks with male friends. Some guys don’t even like THAT.
It’s boundaries, not trust.
I wouldn’t have an issue with my husband sleeping in the same bed as a straight male friend, a gay male friend, or a lesbian female friend. He doesn’t have many straight female friends, and the ones he’s got wouldn’t bother me in that situation either. But I can imagine circumstances where it would.