It is an important skill to be able to get along without having a significant other. That enables you to choose a mate because you want to, as opposed to you simply being desperate for the first warm body you can latch onto.
As my idols the Osmonds once sang: "One bad apple don’t spoil the whole bunch girl.
Hello, Kitty (Haw). It’s me again. Your original breakup thread really connected with me, since I had been through something very much like what you described. And so I related that and hoped it helped in some way. Now, though, I’m concerned. I know that men are scum and all that, but I don’t think it’s a good idea to generalize like that. It’s my opinion that it’s a good idea to remember that people come in all flavors, shapes, sizes, and temperments. Good and bad, such as they are. The good ones are out there; sometimes you just need a better net to catch them.
The preceding nonsense sponsored by nobody.
Some guys are not ready for a commitment. Don’t get me wrong, you deserve to never give him another chance. I am one of those people that have trouble getting past those first four months. The euphoria of the exciting, passionate, sensual ectasy is a heady feeling. But then you both have to relax. I also like to flirt with just about every girl I see. It doesn’t mean I would like to poke each one, it is just a good conversational icebreaker when it comes to girls. I am not an arrogant, pompous ass, althought I have impersonated one before, and usually regreted it. I would like to hit a higher level, I just haven’t found or convinced the right girl.
I have also loved a girl dearly. Had sex with her a dozen or so times. Been her best friend (still am), through boy friends and have been the guy on the side when I want to be the main man.
I don’t know what this guy is like, but you need a good dose of girls night out. Get rowdy, watch cute guys while you are sipping booze at a hip bar, wink at one if you feel like it.
Thanks FPK and lurker.
And Snooooopy, you’re right. Desperation is never a pretty thing. It is nice to have the emotional freedom to choose carefully.
FPK…
There is nothing at all wrong with being idealistic, you seem to have set some reasonable standards and have clear expectations of the man you want to be with.
Don’t ever lower your standards or “settle” for someone less than you really deserve.
You said, " I get to see him flirt with anything that walks."
He is a moral parapalegic. You don’t need this at all.
When you see him next hold your head up, look straight ahead and just stroll on by this poor exuse for a man. He is beneath you and is not worthy of your attention or affections.
Oh, hell. Most guys are pigs! Just work construction for a year like I did and you’ll find that out real fast! The more mach a guy is, the more women he gets and the worse he treats them. Most men are guided by their pricks anyhow, which is natural, but some take it to the extreme.
I’ve known guys who cheat on their wives and think it’s great, but go ballistic when they discover she did the same! Some guys seem to think having babies with assorted women that they don’t marry nor help pay for the kid is part of being a man. Other refuse to use condoms no matter what diseases are floating around, firmly declaring that no real man wraps his wiener!
I’ve had to whack a few huge rednecks upside their heads with a board when I caught them kicking the crap out of their tiny wives because she didn’t have supper ready when he wobbled in after spending a few hours at the topless bar, and a couple took a few more whacks later on because they just didn’t learn the first time!
I know these young guys whose whole world focuses on snatch, beer and drugs, not necessarily in that order, and who screw as many girls as they can sucker. I’ve met guys who go after their wives sisters, cousins and even mothers with no guilt what so ever! Some have a whole covey of girls parading into their homes, cleaning, cooking, making them things, treating them nice, giving him more sex than you can dream of, yet they go out and cheat on them!
Yep. Guys can be real pigs, which is probably why they tend to kill each other off faster than women do. You want a cool guy? Avoid the real good looking ones, ‘cause they’ll have far too many chicks lined up ready to bed them and will expect preferential treatment. Avoid the big macho men, because they’re steeped in ‘manly ways’ and ‘wimmin’ come second to everything else, especially sports and huntin.’ Find some average guy, looks OK, hasn’t been swamped with dates, and who usually has traits and stuff that will astonish you when you get him to open up.
If he has long, dirty hair, a scraggly beard, rides a hawg and dresses in leather, well the hawg comes first, his biker buddies second and then you, along with the occasional punch in the mouth when you piss him off.
Avoid ‘pretty boys’. They tend to walk both sides of the fence, if you know what I mean. (You’ll find out if he prefers you butt up rather than butt down.) Avoid anyone with a shaven head, who talks like he barely graduated 6th grade at 21, weighs in at 400 pounds, and dresses in baggy clothing and hangs out ‘wit his homiez.’ Avoid any guy with a skin head. When the hair goes, so does common sense.
If he can’t talk to you in normal language without peppering it with street talk, street gestures, sounds black when he isn’t, and talks about honor, being disrespected, and wears bandannas a lot, avoid him.
That ought to help some.
Oh, yeah. If he wants to get into politics, dump him fast because nothing he tells you will ever be the truth.
Oh, where to begin to take issue with this? Let’s try this:
It’s been said. Women don’t like the ‘good’ guys. They like the hunky bad boys who treat them like dirt. Hence, the “'chicks lined up ready to bed them”.
Are they different from the “real good looking ones”?
I’m bald, and an intellegent, caring, moral human being. Too bad that doesn’t cut the mustard with a lot of women. My roommate uses women like kleenex, and they are lining up at the door(literally).
Spooje, intentionally or not, you’ve proven my point, which was that generalizing is often pointless because no matter how broad it’s always too narrow. Yes it does make sense; read over the last half dozen or so posts if you don’t get it.
" What are the odds of me finding a decent guy I can fall in love
with that won’t bail the second things get emotional?"
You can’t order a guy like a hamburger: “Waiter, I want a guy I can fall in love with & that won’t bail the second things get emotional…”
You spend your time with the guy & take your chances.
BTW, did you say two guys? Well, women suck just as much as men as I have to meet about 20 women before finding one that can relate properly. As I said before, I just met nbr 18 & she is just about right.
Reminds me. At 18 a woman thinks, ‘which guys are jerks & which ones are not.’ At 30+ it’s 'how much jerk is there in a guy."?
I’m gonna say this again because I feel that there are some here among us on the SDMB who may benefit from repetetion: People are not all the same. Be they guys, girls, men, women, whatever, each and every person is different. Some of you may consider that to be common knowledge or perhaps common sense. If that includes you, then I’m not talking to you. For everybody else, hang in there! You’re not alone on a ledge, even if you feel like you are.
Forget the (ex)boyfriend Kitty, he’s obviously unappreciative. DocDaneeka and AHunter3 both said as good or better than I ever could.
This thread was pretty meaningful for me, so I’d like to save it from the pruning.
It wouldn’t have been pruned, only threads with the last post before 1/1/2000.
This thread is meaningful to me, too. I ust read through it and discovered that I actually said something that made sense. Will wonders ever cease?
Oh … yeah, I guess you’re right. Good thread, in any case, and certainly deserving of another day in the sun.