Men's House cleaning - Dirt Equilibrium Theory

In My Humble Opinion
1

I just read a book on the NIKE shoe company, and in that book, it mentioned a guy who had a particularly good system of house cleaning…

It is called the “Dirt Equilibrium Theory”. And that theory states, that if you never clean your house, there will come a point when the dirt inside the house exceeds the dirt outside the house…

And at that point, you will begin to track dirt from inside the house to outside the house! So it is not necessary to clean the house. Eventually nature will begin to reverse the process.

This sounds like an excellent plan to me!

2

I never wear my shoes in the house. So dirt never gets tracked in either direction. And it works. I never need to clean my house.

3

The cleaning our house needs isn’t really because of outside dirt tracked in. We need to clean the bathrooms, the kitchen, etc. plus, dog hair.

4

I like a nice layer of dust over everything. I call it “safety dust.” I figure if I have a stroke and fall over and crack my head on the coffee table, a nice layer of dust can only cushion the blow.

5

I have two indoor cats. I’ve been tracking their vomit outdoors for years. It never ends.

6

We can dust if we want to
We can leave your friends behind
'Cause your friends don’t dust and if they don’t dust
Well, they’re no friends of mine

7

It protects the furniture from scratches and fading due to sunlight. A good layer of dog hair over the carpet will keep the carpet looking like new forever (that is, when you finally get around to removing the dog hair).

8

This explains why it’s so dirty right outside of my house.

9

What is this cleaning of which you speak?

(Okay, toilet bowls. You gotta scrub the toilet pretty frequently, or it becomes horrible. But windows? I’ve lived in my place thirteen years now and have never washed the windows. I can still see through 'em. Light gets in. Good enough.)

10

There is no need to do any housework at all. After the first four years the dirt doesn’t get any worse. It is simply a matter of not losing one’s nerve.

—Quentin Crisp

11

I keep the bathroom and kitchen fairly clean. Vacuuming gets done when I step on one too many toenail fragments, and dusting gets done when I notice toenail fragments clinging to the TV.

Window cleaning gets done whenever I see a supermodel walking by.