Mental illness-what a bitch

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

My sister was supposed to fly out today for the weekend. That appears to have been canceled.

Last night I got a call from my sister. She was at the hospital trying to get my niece admitted. I do not know all the details yet but apparently my niece, who has been having some very serious issues, was suicidal. I do not know the details. The police were involved and apparently they found some things (journals, etc) in which my niece was talking about suicide. I don’t know why the police were there. I don’t, in fact, know much of anything. My sister also mentioned in psasing that the police found some stuff relating to my niece wanting to become a call girl. Things are fucked up.

I know that my niece has some serious problems. She is apparently developmentally delayed, whatever the hell that means*. She also has some mental health issues. I do not know much more than that. My sister hasn’t gone into detail about the situation and I didn’t feel it was right to push for more info.

My sister has been having a hell of a time dealing with my niece. My niece is now of legal age and my sister really can’t do anything. My sis has wanted to get my niece into the hospital for a while but my niece refused to go.

I haven’t heard from my sister today. I am concerned. She was supposed to fly out today but I doubt that is going to happen.

When my sister called last night she asked me to pass the info on to my parents. She said she was too stressed to talk to them at that point. I can understand. I talked to my parents and my Mom, who means very well, went on and on about what she thinks should happen. My Mom means well but I can imagine that if she did that to my sister it would be a bad thing.

So I am waiting to hear if my sister got my niece into the hospital. Hopefully with the suicide threat they can get her admitted. Hopefully this will lead to my niece getting the help that she needs and that my sister has been trying to get for her.

I was really looking forward to seeing my sis. She really needs a break.

Mental illness sucks.

Slee

*I know what it means in general but I don’t know the details. When I talk to my sister she is always so stressed about the situation that I don’t what to dig for details because I don’t want to stress her out more. Once this episode is handled I am going to get the full stroy from my sis.

2

Amen, brother. Don’t have too much to say. My thoughts are with you. Personally I am living with Bipolar disorder with an emphasis on the deep dark depression side. My best wishes for your family. I know how tough it can be on everyone.

3

Sending good vibes to you and your family.

4

It does indeed.

{{{{{sleestak}}}}

{{{{{sleestak’s sister}}}}}

{{{{{sleestak’s niece}}}}}

5

Wow - so sorry to hear that. I wish your sister and you, and of course your niece, strength as she hopefully works through this…

6

I’m sorry your family is going through so much pain right now.

I can’t root for forced treatment, so I hope that if your niece does not wish to receive psychiatric treatment, she successfully avoids it. Maybe she will decide that she’s like to try it out, though.

If she doesn’t, though, keep in mind that in the experience of a substantial number of those of us who have received it, psychiatric treatment sucks. And having it forced on you against your will sucks spectacularly.

7

Say no more my friend. That pretty much sums up mental illness in a nut shell. {{{sleestak}}}

8

Another Doper with mental illness problems, here. I’m sorry to hear about this. I hope they’ll be able to do some good for your niece, and that she wants to feel better.

I hope we’ll get a follow-up as you hear more.

9

An update.

My niece is not in the hospital. That, as far as I am concerned is a bad thing. On the good side my sister got a case worker assigned to my niece and they are going to start working with her and hopefully get my sister out of being the only person taking care of and making decisions for my niece. My sister has done everything she can think of to try and help my niece but my niece refuses to follow through on anything.

For example, my niece is on meds. From what I can tell, when she is on her meds she is, not fine, but much better. The thing is that she stops taking the meds for no apparent reason. My sister cannot do anything about that, she does not live with my niece and cannot make her do anything. My niece cannot work, her problems prevent that, and my sister is covering everything. My sisters ex-husband isn’t in the picture. So my sister has been trying to cope with this by herself and with some help from my brother (the rest of the family is in a different state).

AHunter3, I am sorry you had problems with treatment. At the same time my niece was suicidal, and for all I know, still is. My niece is smart enough to say the things the shrinks want to hear when she ends up in the hospital (this isn’t the first time something like this has happened) but she needs more than my sister can give her. If the case worker doesn’t help and my sister cannot get her hospitalized, there are only two other options: continue on with the insanity or for my sister to stop supporting my niece and let her go. The second option would kill my sister. My niece would end up homeless in a short period of time. She can’t take care of herself yet refuses to do what the docs tell her. What, exactly, do you think we should do? Let her be homeless? Continue on with the madness? My niece needs help. My sister has been trying for the longest time to get a case worker assigned for my niece so that a) someone outside the family is involved because my niece is apparently a bit paranoid (in the medical sense) about my sister and b) so that an objective observer can figure out the best thing to do. I am willing to bet that the case worker recommend hospitalization for the short term. Evey doctor my niece has seen has recommend it. Every doc has also recommended a group home for my niece. She won’t do it. If you have any better ideas please let me know.

Slee

10

Sleestak, I hear the frustration you have dealing with someone who chooses to stop a program of treatment that you see as having benefits.

The problem is that until your niece chooses to work with people, instead of gaming them, your, and your sister’s, options are limited. Sometimes what is needed to get through to a person in that sort of state is to remove the help you’ve been offering - let them sink, as it were, and tell them, when you let them go, that you’ll be there to help, but only when the person is ready, and willing to work with the doctors instead of gaming them.

And watching someone go down, like that, is not going to be easy. I hope, for you and your sister’s sake it doesn’t come to that. But it can be the only way to get through to someone, sometimes.

11

That only works if the ‘someone’ is in possession of enough reasoning faculties to let the fall help. However, if the fall results in a psychotic break such that the individual cannot make informed judgement about what’s best for her, then effectively it’s abandoning someone to an illness for life.
Despite what AHunter may think or feel, I’ve known other people to have been ‘forced’ into help and who were indeed helped. If you lack the ability to help yourself, it’s nothing short of inhumane to be left helpless.

12

I didn’t offer it as a guaranteed way to get through to the person. I only said it may prove to be a last gasp tactic to try. I certainly don’t want to imply it’s a safe tactic. It’s a tactic of desperation, and as such it has massive risks.

But, if the person involved is so antagonistic towards forced treatment that they refuse all help; if they’re competent enough to successfully, and routinely, game the caretakers, and they won’t stick with a treatment program - it may be the only choice. My own experience with inpatient stays is very different from AHunter3’s. But one thing that I agree with him on is that it is rare for an imposed treatment program to be a long-term success, unless the patient can be convinced it’s in his or her own best interests.

I’m not saying that involuntary treatment is futile, but considering the situation in the update posted here, even though Sleestak’s niece is poorly enough to scare her family, she’s not exhibiting the sort of behavior that would convince the admitting physicians to go for an involuntary admission. She seems stuck in the middle, not healthy enough to be on her own, but not ill enough to require or justify having her self determination taken away from her.

13

But QG, even if you voluntarily seek that sort of help, repeatedly, there’s no guarantee that things will improve. As everyone is probably too well aware with my history around here, I’ve been there, done that and am still in the area of major suckitude. Oh, I also meant to add that you’re right about the other. Tough love, be it the kind that’s absolutely necessary, sometimes doesn’t work for those others would think needs it most. If I’d’ve ended up homeless (or with my mother) any of the times I’d been teetering on rock bottom, suicide would have indeed been my first choice.

So, the only thing I wanted to add to this thread is how very sorry I am that sleestak and all his loved ones are going through this. And that if either your neice or you would like to ever talk, email is in the profile. Massive good thoughts headed your way.

{{{slee}}}

14

My sympathies, Slee. :frowning:

15

I’m so sorry to all who must battle these ailments. I think these are the worst of all afflictions, because they not only cause suffering to the people who have them, but oftentimes they create conditions that make it difficult if not impossible for people to be helped or comforted. A cancer patient can be helped, can assist in his own treatment to some extent, but someone whose mind has been hijacked by wanton chemistry can become his own worst enemy.

16

Not really no apparent reason - to the mentally ill there is usually a VERY good reason. They FEEL better. Since they feel better, they stop taking the meds. For awhile (until the meds flush out of the system) they continue to feel fine, and as the decline is often gradual, they don’t see that they AREN’T fine untl it is too late - and they won’t listen to others who try to tell them that they need help.

17

Sleestak, in my former career, I was a therapist for individuals with Developmental Disabilities. That often adds a layer of complexity to an already complex situation. If it would help, and with the understanding that I am not dispensing medical advice for your niece, but rather a sympathetic ear with some additional insight…my email is in my profile.

18

sends good vibes, prayers, wishes, karma, voodoo, mojo, etc. sleestak’s way

19

What state does your niece live in?

My general advice is that the user-run self-help community is the best thing going. Our own board has a couple of one-off collectivities for dopers with depression and so on. It doesn’t exist stricly in lieu of receiving counseling and/or pharmaceutical and/or other professional therapeutic services (although for some individuals it may constitute their only therapy) but even for people for whom it’s either Zoloft or a casket, having others in the same boat you can write or talk to can make a huge difference in how they feel about themselves, the extent to which they lash out at family members and others around them when they’re frustrated, the extent to which they feel confident or out of their league when dealing with doctors and other service providers, etc…

• There are things you can say to others who have been there that you can’t say to anyone else without upsetting them, making them mad, or getting them way over-the-top CONCERRRRNED about you. “Sometimes I just feel like climbing a clock tower with a high powered rifle, you know?” “My Mom means well, you know, she’d kill herself if I did myself in, …because that would be better than four decades of people whispering about how she drove me to suicide, if you know what I mean?” A lot of it is very dark, the kind of stuff everyone else tries to keep you from saying out loud.

• When you’re inclination is to jam your heels in the ground and refuse something that everyone is so sweetly trying to talk you into doing (whether it be “Oh come on honey, try the new antidepressant” or “Please just try the day program” or “It would do you good to get out of the house now and then” or whatever), a peer group of others who get all that at home / from their shrinks TOO lets you make fun of them; while, at the same time, you’re more likely to take the same advice when it comes from other people who are in the same boat.

• Even though other folks don’t intend to make you feel that way, when you’re the one called “mentally ill” you quickly get the sense that everyone else is talking downhill at you, that you’re “damaged goods”, an embarrassment, and also that they’re treating you like a bomb about to go off and/or fragile glassware that might crack if they touch you the wrong way, and it’s seriously fucking irritating… just to be able to communicate with other people who are in no position to treat you as glass, bomb, or poor pathetic braindead person reacquaints you with the sensation of being on the same plane as others.

• It becomes a practical resource. Who knows of a room I can rent, what do you put on your employer’s health insurance forms for illnesses do you put your mental illness down, OK I’m having a problem with my doctor can I just call up a different doctor and make an appointment or should I have my chart transferred, etc etc

So where does your niece live? I can ask around for resources of the sort I’m describing, in her area, if you’d like.

20

NAMI (National Alliance for the Mentaly Ill) might be a good community resource for your niece.