Goodbye?

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I may be dead before morning, so I wanted to drop a note to say goodbye, just in case.

Sounds melodramatic, doesn’t it?

My husband and I have been renting a one-bedroom house to our 17 year old niece. We just spent a lot of time and money getting the place perfect: new floors, paint, bathroom, windows, etc. We would never have rented to Niece if she wasn’t our niece; she’s had some problems.

Naturally, 5 months have gone by with no rent. We’d have evicted her before now, but she is our niece. Also, Niece’s grandma (my mother-in-law) has begged for mercy on Niece’s behalf. MIL has purchased all of Niece’s furniture, bedding, clothing, food; she’s even bought formula and diapers for Niece’s friend’s baby and food for the dog. She pays Niece’s medical bills.

A week ago, Niece stole MIL’s wedding ring and another ring worth $600. She pawned them. She also stole many items from her mother’s and grandparents’ house and pawned them. She also pawned most of the stuff MIL bought her: Playstation and games, TV, VCR, etc.

This afternoon, Niece smashed every window in her “friend’s” car and gouged it all over with a screwdriver. She took her friend’s daughter’s doll and sawed it in half with a knife, threatening to do the same to her friend and baby. Later today, Niece attacked the tenant who lives in our other house on the property with a knife. Then she proceeded to smash every window and put several dozen holes in the walls. She completely trashed the place. She’s been doing crank. The guy who accompanied her was driving without a license and has several warrants out for his arrest, but the police only gave him a ticket. (And the guy was furious for getting the ticket.)

The police won’t arrest Niece because “there’s nothing we can do”.

WTF??? Clearly, the girl is a danger to herself and others, so at the very least they should be able to commit her to the psychiatric ward. If she burns our rental house to the ground, will they arrest her?

So, tonight, I convinced my husband to let me spend the night at Niece’s smashed house. He’s changed the locks, but since she’s already smashed all the windows, it’s not like she can’t get in.

I hope she gets in, and I hope she still has her knife. If I die, my husband gets a half million dollars in insurance. I’ve been sick for nineteen years (since I was twelve), and it has been increasingly unbearable for the past seven years. I have expended my treatment options; I will not get better. I am ready to die, and what better way to step out?

As a side benefit for Niece, whose life is pretty well worthless anyway, this is Texas. It’s her choice if she wants to get the lethal injection or not.

I love Niece. I carried her on my back at the amusement park when she was a toddler. I made her favorite cake every year not only for her birthday, but anytime the family got together I made that cake just for her.

So anyways, I’m about to leave and probably will spend an uneventful night sleeping on a cold floor. But maybe not, so that’s why I’m telling you so. Just wanted y’all to know that I’ve enjoyed my time here with you.

2

Hang tough Holly, I’ll ask the Big Guy to check in on you and keep watch.

If she has vacated the premises, when she returns have her arrested for trespassing. Every time. You will be doing her a big favor if she survives this awful episode. Tell MIL that if she likes her granddaughter so much then she can move in with her, but you advise against it.

3

Once again I am speaking to someone I do not know anything about, what with me being a relative newbie and all…but…

You just about made me cry. And I really don’t cry for anything. Get her help, somehow. I am hoping that your evening will be uneventful, that you will wake up and post to let us know that all went well. I am also hoping that you can convince MIL to kick down the money for some psychiatric treatment for Niece. I have been addicted to plenty of drugs, and have known many who were in the same boat. Please do not wait for something horrible to happen, because it will, and it will accomplish nothing aside from hurting those who are involved, dead or alive. You have a life, do not waste it. She has a life. Help her live it. Your generosity thus far, in my mind, makes you a wonderful person. Continue the trend, kick her ass out, but make sure her next domocile is in a hospital…

[sub]Forgive the pointless post with no conclusion, this just brings back too many memories[/sub]

4

Holly I hope you’re OK.

I’ve been down a similar road with both friends and family. At some point somebody has to quit covering for niece, or all you’re doing is (unwillingly, but effectively) assembling the super-monster niece.

The last thing I want to see is your hubby filin’ for that insurance. You’ve honored family obligations and the long-term best (short-term ouch) you can do is let niece take a short fall for her current misunderstanding of reality. The longer it goes on the farther the fall is going to be, and the more people it will hurt.

Do not get yourself hurt! Please, dear!

5

Holly honey, if that girl touches a hair on your head, I will personally fly where ever I have to and kick her ass in so far she will be shting and pssing out of the same hole. (I’m almost forgot this wasn’t in the pit)

You deserve better. If you are ready to let go, go without Niece, it will probably only give her a twisted satisfaction and to deny her that is the best revenge ever.

6

Um, Holly, I’m new here, and I honestly have no way in my personal experience to relate to what you’re going through, but the thought that you seem to be willing to allow yourself to be murdered is downright frightening. Sarcasm doesn’t travel well in written words, so I pray to God you’re kidding. If not, I hope your niece doesn’t show up and you reconsider your actions. I understand the wanting to help, you’ve done a lot of that already, but staying at the house waiting for her to show up, alone, is a bad bad BAD idea, and you know it, which is even creepier. Getting her convicted of a murder charge is not the way to get her help. I don’t understand why the police don’t seem to be helping out here, it’s amazing how they always get people for the stupid shit (like the speeding ticket given to the man with several arrest warrants…WTF!!!), but perhaps gettting the husband and a couple of other rough and tough people together to help wrestle her down and haul her off to a clinic or psych ward would help. Like I said, I don’t have any personal experience to give you help with, but there is something more you can do than wait around for her to cut you up. I understand you’ve been sick and it has gotten unbearable, but you seem like too kind of a person to suffer such a violent death, and that’s something I do have some personal experience with. Please, let us know you’re okay the first chance you get, let us know a little more about what you’ve done to get her help, and perhaps the board can come up with some useful suggestions to help you out. I wish you all the best of luck with your niece, and hope to hear from you soon.
Andrew

7

(cheerful voice and a forced smile)

So, how’d you sleep?
I never thought I’d string these particular words together, but listen to Elvis. There are lots of people here who can give some awfully good advice. You don’t have to be alone in this.

8

Good (?) morning, all. I did sleep well last night, though my husband backed out at the last minute and forbade me to spend the night in Niece’s house. Supposing that Niece and/or her crank buddies would probably strike at our house if nowhere else, I did convince husband to let me sleep in his van, in our driveway, to guard our casa.

Except for a vivid nightmare in which Niece showed up, and a loud car repeatedly passing our house in the wee hours, it was anticlimactic. We learned this morning that Niece spent the night at MIL’s house.

MIL is convinced Niece is innocent of everything. This, despite the incontrovertible proof that Niece hocked MIL’s wedding ring and the other ring; they’re sitting in the safe at the pawn shop, and Niece’s “friend” signed the receipt and states that Niece confessed to stealing said rings. (Niece is only 17, so she has to have an older accomplice sign the paperwork at the pawn shop.) Also, except for MIL and FIL, Niece is the only person who had access to MIL and FIL’s house.

MIL says she still doesn’t believe Niece would do such a thing, and if she did, it wasn’t technically stealing, and if it was, Niece must have had a really good reason. She has almost decided to just let her several-thousand-dollar wedding ring go because she doesn’t want Niece to get in trouble.

I have tried to help Niece by giving her a chance to help herself, at a cost of a few thousand dollars to me. MIL has tried to help Niece with a steady infusion of money and possessions.

Ultimately, Niece’s future is her own decision. As I’ve told her before, “Niece, it doesn’t matter what anyone else says or does or thinks. This is your life, and the decisions you make affect you. I will be here to fall back on and I will help you when I can, because I love you, but you have to learn to take care of yourself. You have to do what’s best for you.”

Niece needs to get help, but she won’t commit herself voluntarily and the police won’t commit her involuntarily. I don’t understand why: Niece bodyslammed herself into the walls of the house, crushing the drywall between every pair of studs, and leaving a bloody smear above each bodyslam-impression from her cut face. Picture a person doing that, slamming herself into the walls over and over and over, until every wall in every room is completely crushed and bloodied. It’s scary and very sad.

I’m afraid that MIL will continue to “help” Niece until they’re both ruined. It doesn’t help that MIL cannot afford to give anyone a penny; nor does it help that FIL is absolutely opposed to the coddling and refuses to help Niece ever again, unless she chooses to straighten up. (They nearly divorced over this exact issue many years ago, when the culprit involved was Niece’s Mother.)

As for Niece’s Mother, she shrugs and states, “I told y’all you were stupid for giving her a chance. I always knew she was worthless.” How a mother can say such a thing about her own child is far beyond my comprehension.

I’m a sarcastic person by nature, but I meant every word in the OP. I’m so very tired. I am touched by all the sweet comments y’all have posted here to me. Thank you: I can’t even tell you how much it means to me.

I’m sure I’ll continue to stake out my driveway (and the van is surprisingly comfortable). I would be very surprised if Niece and/or her “friends” didn’t attack our house. I’ll post updates here for anyone who’s interested.

Again, thanks for listening.

9

Could you talk to the supervisor of the police officer you spoke to? Moving up the chain of command eventually gets results. It’s unconscionable that they wouldn’t act after her actions yesterday.

10

i’m glad to hear you made it through the night, holly.

i hope that niece will be able to find her way through this without further injury to herself and you.

11

Good golly miss molly, Holly. You mean to tell me the police would/could not arrest Niece for assault or destruction of property? Sheesh!

I agree with dropzone. Keep moving up the chain of command until somebody will take action for this poor girl.

On another note, you say she bodyslammed herself into walls. She could very well have given herself a TBI, traumatic brain injury. This would compound an already way too serious situation. If you do manage to get her into a hospital, please have her checked out for TBI. I cannot yet find the book I have on brain injuries, so I can’t give you the title of it. But I remember reading that even seemingly slight bumps can cause this condition; it depends on if the brain was jostled around enough to cause it to bleed. Bodyslamming, IMHO, just might qualify.

{{{Holly and Niece}}}

I agree with you on the words of Niece’s Mother. Beyond comprehension. Sadly, she is a huge part of Niece’s problems, but then I guess that could go without saying.:rolleyes: Huh, wonder if the daughter does crank to escape her mom’s rejection??

I commend you for trying to help her. My thoughts and prayers go out to you and yours.

12

Holly, I’m glad to hear you’re alright. I hope my post isn’t too late in the evening for you to receive, but if it is, let us know how this evening’s events unfolded. Your niece seriously needs help, and I too am very curious as to how the police can possibly say there’s nothing they can do. You said she attacked one of the tennants with a knife? Or at least was around the person in a very volitile state while brandishing a knife…isn’t that grounds for assault with a deadly weapon? i’m curious, why hasn’t the tenant pressed any charges? And aren’t police suposed to step in if you can prove someone is a danger TO THEMSELVES as well as to others? She’s definitely proved that.
I understand what you said about it being her life, and these being her decisions, but when her decisions affect others in such a way, it’s not just her life…it’s yours, it’s your family’s, it’s her family’s, and it’s even the people around her (i.e. the tennant she hassled), so there is definitely need for you to step in. I mentioned it briefly earlier, but is it possible to drag her to a clinic of some sort and get her held for treatment? I’m not sure if you’d need parental permission seeing as how she’s seventeen, or if you’d be able to get it if her mother is still her legal guardian, but she needs to get help, and she needs it now, and unfortuately, just being there isn’t enough. You need to have a nice looooong talk with her MIL, get her support on this, make her see that she’s NOT alright, and get her some professional help. If the MIL is willing to keep throwing money to her, at least convince her to put it towards something that’s not just going to get hocked for crank.
I wish the best of luck to you and yours, and I hope everything comes out okay. Keep us posted, and take care of yourself.

13

Hi, folks.

The good news is: MIL has finally filed a police report for her stolen wedding ring even though she still denies that Niece is responsible. She didn’t file a report on the $600 ring, though. Niece continues to deny that she had anything to do with the theft of the rings, or anything else.

She also denies that she broke all the windows and walls, even though there were witnesses and other incriminating evidence. (For example, the blood on the walls at the height of her cut eye, and the fact that every kick-hole in the walls has a clear shoe-mark that exactly matches her shoes.) She denies attacking the neighbor, saying he attacked her for no reason at all and put two large bruises on her thigh and butt.

She does have a big bruise on her thigh (I didn’t see her butt) but it’s more consistent with body slamming walls than with being pushed to the ground, as she claims.

In Niece’s eyes, she is a complete victim: of her family, of her friends, of everyone she meets. Yes, she has been victimized- sometimes with her own consent, and sometimes not- but that’s a poor reason for her to destroy herself.

The police won’t do anything to her because she’s calm now, and the assault was the neighbor’s word against hers. (?) As for the property damage, the police say that since the eviction procedures are not formally completed, she can do whatever she wants in there because “it’s her house”. After the eviction is complete, we can sue her in civil court for damages. That’ll be effective. :rolleyes:

I made an impassioned plea to her to please stop hurting herself and everyone who loves her; I told her that she is loved and we want to help her but she has to let us help. She has to make the decision that she needs help. (According to her, she’d be just fine if everyone would stop trying to ruin her life.) I just started to bawl while I said this because it hurts to watch someone you love slip away like this. MIL also started to bawl. Niece seemed unmoved. The next words out of her mouth were, “None of this is my fault!”

FWIW, I don’t think Niece is addicted to any drugs, but she will be soon if she doesn’t make the right decision. It’s so frustrating, because right now it’s not too late for her, but she doesn’t comprehend how close to the edge she is and she can’t see what’s on the other side. We throw her a rope to haul her back, but she won’t hold on.

So, husband and I will wait for the eviction to go through, then repair the house. We’ll wait and see what comes about regarding the stolen ring. Niece will be moving in with MIL and FIL in the off-chance that she really is going to get her shit together, but I predict that she won’t be there for long. FIL will not take any more crap.

MIL and FIL both work full-time, so they won’t be able to supervise Niece. I would take Niece in with me, but I just can’t risk her hurting my children or the three elderly people that live here in my care, and I can’t afford to have anything stolen. The physical and mental safety of my own children has to come first.

Niece’s mom couldn’t care less about what’s going on except for the fact that she’s really mad about having so much of her own stuff stolen.

Niece’s dog is (last I heard) wandering the streets. The neighbor who supposedly tried to kill Niece for no reason is the only person who has given that dog food or water over the last 5 months. Since Niece kept the dog on a 3 foot leash 24 hours per day (and this is a big dog: half St. Bernard and half Great Dane) the neighbor gave her a 20 foot chain so at least the dog could move around. I suppose the police won’t press charges against Niece for animal abuse, either. Sigh