You suck because you know what the problem is, yet you come posting here for attention. You aren’t “on the market”, problem solved. Tell them that and move on. You are making a problem where there isn’t one. You like the attention guys give you and obviously get something out of the drama of getting yourself in awkward situations “all the time” with them.
Nm
No, I know what my problem is with regular men, so I don’t ask how to do something I theoretically already know how to do. These men are another story. It’s weird that you would think it’s offensive to treat someone who is profoundly mentally retarded differently than you would treat someone who isn’t.
No it is weird you would think you can’t treat them the same. Be straight forward and direct, just like you would with any human being. It’s not hard, you are just making it hard. They aren’t children. They obviously know what a date is. And they know that talking to you makes them feel good. They take it too far for your comfort, you tell them to stop. It’s simple.
Again, you didn’t answer what it is you are afraid of. What do you think is the worst thing that could happen?
They are no more mentally “retarded” than you are socially retarded if you can’t even tell them you aren’t interested without thinking you are going to end their world.
and p.s. President Obama signed a law in 2010 mandating Federal statutes will no longer use the term “mental retardation;” the replacement phrase is “intellectual disability.”
I don’t know what I’m afraid of, geez! Some people just have issues about certain things and I am one of those people. I hate hurting feelings and I hate things being awkward. It’s not that big of a deal but it’s been driving me a bit crazy at work.
P.S. I’m not a federal statute.
Yes, but your consistent use of calling them retarded is belittling. You don’t have to treat them with kit gloves. Treat them like human beings, not retards.
You’re like determined to find a problem here. No one goes around saying “intellectually disabled” in normal conversation. My goal is not really to word things like a federal statute.
(That said, if they told me that was the term they preferred, I would use it. I call people what they want to be called, but not necessarily what a third party wants them to be called.)
Chick fight!! (gets popcorn)
Then treat them like they want to be treated, like normal guys.
Plus, you are the one finding a problem when you started this thread about how you don’t know how to let two “retarded” guys know you are repulsed by the idea of dating them. You are the one with the problem. Don’t come posting on a message board if you expect everyone to treat your attitude gently. I think what you deem a problem in letting them down is really the problem you have of admitting your repulsion of the idea of dating these guys. Repulsion is understandable, but it isn’t a problem. Just tell them to stop asking you and stop calling you. I fail to see why this is so hard. You still haven’t explained why you think it is so difficult. People’s feelings get hurt all the time. Why are you afraid to hurt their feelings? Because you feel sorry for them? You don’t think they can handle it? Are you afraid they will hurt you or themselves if you reject them? If all of that sounds irrational and silly to you, then just treat them like normal people and tell them NO. Why is this so hard for you to get?
P.S. and as for your insistence on calling them retarded, how about calling them that to their faces? See how much they prefer it.
Sorry, I was just trying to be funny and lighten the mood. I probably should have abstained.
You’ve never been called a stuck-up bitch for not being interested in a guy?
You don’t know how they want to be treated. They just light up when I treat them in ways that would seem really condescending to a normal adult. And if I treated them to my regular impatience and bitching about work I don’t think they would like that.
I don’t expect that.
I already said I suck at that with anyone (anyone who is nice to me anyway, when a person is an asshole to me I have no problem being assertive). Just a fault of mine.
I can’t think of a situation where I’d have any reason to call them mentally retarded or intellectually disabled or anything else to their faces.
No, you’re cool. Except now I want popcorn.
Yes, but I didn’t cry about it. And I wasn’t afraid to say no just because someone might call me names. I’m a grownup. If the guy can’t handle being rejected, it’s his problem not mine.
Do you think she should go out with these guys just to avoid the possibly of being seen as stuck up if she doesn’t? How is that ever a good idea?
Empathy? If they’re aiming for girls out of their league, these guys probably get rejected a lot. It’s hard not to feel sorry for someone who probably gets rejected a lot - and hard not to feel guilty for being the 1001st person to reject them. Most people don’t like being mean.
So it’s less mean to do nothing and keep stringing them along just to keep yourself from feeling guilty? :rolleyes:
And you say I’m the mean one.
I didn’t say it was rational. Women are given all kinds of guilt trips for having any standards at all. If you get called a snob enough times, you might start to believe it.
Also, attract attention from enough people who don’t meet your standards, and you might start to believe you don’t deserve better…
So you think that is what the OP is about? She is too insecure to tell these guys no? :dubious:
I don’t know. I was only giving an explanation for why someone in her position might be reluctant to explicitly reject.
..are they gloves from the government sanctioned “Intellectual Disabilty Pack”..?
It doesn’t seem to me that Blackberry isn’t treating them like human beings. I think that it’s challenging for her to be as assertive as you appear to be.
According to Blackberry (whom I have no reason to doubt) these guys have disabilities that often translate to social ones as well. It is as fair to treat them in the same way you would a ‘normal’ guy in this situation as it is to punch a toddler in the face for pulling your hair.
How a message is relayed is often more important than the message itself. These guys can be told by Blackberry that dating isn’t an option because that’s the truth; but it doesn’t have to be the awful truth.