Merry Widow(er) or Shakespearean Tragedy

I found the most adorable sunflower wallpaper so at the spur of the moment, I am remodeling a bathroom. I have to wait for the fumes of the wallpaper stripper to clear, so here I be for a few minutes.

While I was out mowing my 10 miles worth of lawn, (or so it seems, gotta love Saturday :rolleyes: ), I was doing my usual thinking about weird things. Mowing is SO exciting.

Today I was thinking about a couple of widows I know who have been through very different experiences.

  1. A 25 year old that works in my office. Two years ago, when her oldest son was 3 and she was pregnant with her second baby, her husband was diagnosed with brain cancer. He died soon after before the baby was born. Although she makes good money and is financial secure, she has had a horrible time emotionally. I have a great respect for her strength, I don’t know if I couldn’t have managed the things that she has.

  2. Another woman in my office whose husband died in a small plane crash 4 years ago. He had let his life insurance lapse, other money was left to their kids, and after his death, she discovered mountains of debts, including two mortgages on the house. During their marriage, she was a stay at home wife and mother, he was a fighter pilot for the military. He also handled all finances, so she had quite a few surprises after his death. She had to start over, go back to school, and into the job world. Understandably, she is very angry with him.

  3. My grandma and grandpa were very much in love during their 57 years of marriage. He died two years ago at a ripe old age. My grandma misses him terribly, but knows that he had a long and happy life. He also left her very well off financially.

  4. My daughter’s friend lost her dad a couple of years ago. He had taken off from work early to pick up a special present for his wife. It was their 20th wedding anniversary and his 40th birthday. A few miles from home, a truck ran a stop sign, hit his car killing him instantly. The family still has a very hard time with his death. However, he left them set for life. Not only did he have a couple of high life insurance policies, he had a clause written into his property insurance that paid off the house fully upon his death. He also had some type of death pension through his employer, and the automobile insurance paid out.

After his death, they sold their home and bought a brand new, gorgeous, huge home, filled it with new furniture and landscaping, two new cars, and a European vacation. All paid with cash.

He had made investments so his widow will never have to work a day in her life. To keep busy, she works part-time, setting her own hours at a candle shop. She loves her job. She also does a lot of volunteer work. She also has all of her bills (phone, gas, etc.) taken directly out of her account, so no monthly bill paying hassles.

Life is good.

I know I am going to get spanked for saying this, and I half expect to hear from a certain poster who :rolleyes: lost respect for me a while back. However, I am only being truthful (would you rather I B.S. y’all with sugar coating?) and if this makes that certain poster lose even more respect for me, well let’s just say I’ll put it right there in my list of things I lose sleep over, right there under “#9967 - Chapped asses.”

Of course, if it were MY chapped ass, I would have to rephrase that last comment.

Anyway, I really am not a heartless, cold bitch - really, it just makes me wonder what type of emotional pain I would be willing to go through if the results were tempting enough.

No matter what the financial benefit, I would never want to lose a husband like the lady mentioned in #1. I can’t imagine being a young widow with two small boys.

I would also not want to be in widow #2’s situation. The pain of losing a husband, the anger, and starting over late in life would almost be too much to bare. Did I mention that she is 56 years old?

I think it would be a comforting feeing to be widow #3, my grandma. She is 84 years old, financial and physically capable, and although she misses my grandpa, believes that she will see him one day soon.

This is where my dark side emerges just a little.

Whenever I see the lifestyle widow #4 is living, not just the big home, cars, etc., but the non-stress of a job and bills, I think to myself, “Damn, I could suffer through mourning for this!” Not to wish anyone dead (I’m not married) but I think I would have a fairly easy time sliding into that kind of lifestyle.

How about it, dig into the deepest, darkest, depths of your soul and confess. If given a choice, (hypothetically, I’m not endorsing killing off spouses here so put down the rat poison) would you be willing to trade the life of your spouse for an extragavant lifestyle where you had nothing to worry about for the rest of your life? What if you were still young enough to enjoy things for many years to come, maybe one day even finding someone to share it with?

The bathroom walls calleth to moi’. Hummmmm, do you think it wants to propose?

I don’t want an extravagant lifestyle PERIOD, so I wouldn’t want to lose a spouse for one.

My father, however… glowering expression

Extragavant would be nice, but I guess the thing that makes it most attractive is the no mortage, no car payment, no job stress, no financial stress, no anything stress, kind of stuff.

(Damn, someone come over and help me peel walls!!! Why do I start these projects!?!?!)

Nothing new to add to my widow comments, however I did want to give a brief update on my new husband, the bathroom wall.

Now that I have him stripped and naked I am starting to have seconds thoughts. He is, how you say, UGLY.

Maybe when he gets his new clothes on. . . .
(Disclaimer: I read the thread in the PIT and I agree, we should be tolerant of others, especially the mentally disturbed. Hell, that is what I do for a living.

However, I just couldn’t help myself. :D)

I’d be more comfortable financially if hubby (God forbid) died, but I wouldn’t trade him for anything. There’s no way to replace the companionship and emotional support he gives me.

Now first hubby was a different story. After he died I was not okay financially, but the emotional weight was a burden I was glad to lose. Took awhile to come to terms with that though. No one likes to admit they’re relieved that someone has died.

I would not willingly lose my BF(just as good as hubby AFAIC) for any amount of money. I’m perfectly happy with what I have. I have a house over my head. I have enough clothes to last 1 week and 1/2 without a laundry day. I have enough food to make a couple decent meals a day. I go to school, I have a car.
However, if I had 1 million dollars and nobody to share it with, I might as well be dead too.

Great response - I agree with your post completely, pepper.

Are you just trying to flatter me?:wink:

I’m with pepperlandgirl. Nothing is worth to me what having my SO around is. We went through hell to be able to be together (long story, and one I don’t want to get into) and now that we are my biggest fear is that something will happen to him. Although I don’t think he’s the only guy out there for me, it sure feels like it sometimes. I’ve never met anyone who I click with more, or whom I just enjoy being around so much. If anything were to happen to him I don’t know how I’d get through it.

One more thing - had I been asked this question about my ex, I’d have had a lot harder time answering it. My advice is, if you have trouble with this questions, something isn’t quite right in your relationship. Fix it, or if it’s unfixable, do what’s necessary to find someone else. Life’s too short to be with someone who doesn’t give you as much as a nice house & wealthy lifestyle would.

Now I already own my own nice home, car, furnishings, and a fairly decent bank account, so I am not swayed by need, but the thing that sounds most attractive is the reduced amount of every day stress. No bills, everything you own is paid off, work is only something you do because you enjoy it, not need it.

Not to say I wouldn’t enjoy the added wealth.

I would never wish anyone dead, but if some wealthy man who has planned well for his wife upon his death is going to die anyway, why can’t I be his widow? At least while I am young enough to enjoy the lifestyle.

Ms. Black Widow

Although I am not willing to die for it, I could be an excellent sugar daddy. Please send resumes in jpg format :smiley:

You know, you don’t really need to throw this one to the Teaming Millions. Why don’t you just mosey on over to your daughter’s friend and her mother and ask them which they’d prefer? Since they’ve actually experienced it, they should be happy to tell you.

No need to Kuni, I already know how she feels, why would I ask?

Are you saying that her own personal feelings reflect the feelings of every other person? Hmmmmmm, strange.

Just to wipe off my smart-ass personna for a moment.

The situation you’ve described here is not someone who died after a long illness, and who’s death is a blessing and lets the family get on with their life. What you’re describing is a family who had a member taken from them without warning. Fortunately, plans had been made.

I’ve known several women who lost their husbands at an early age, and every one of them, regardless of financial circumstance, would give anything to have them back.

You said yourself the family is having a hard time coming to grips.

You believe you could stand it, if it meant being set for life? Does that make you cold or heartless? No, it just means you’re only thinking in the abstract, and don’t have an emotional commitment to balance against it.

Fair deal, I’ll keep my normal smart-assy attitude in check as well.

During the years I was married, I would have eaten maggot infested shit from underneath the viaducts as long as I could be with my husband. No amount of money in the world would have been worth losing him. Things changed, we divorced, life goes on. Life would have gone on a lot simpler and easier had he left me a wealthy widow.

The situation with this particular women is really sad. Not only did he die on his birthday and wedding anniversary, he died while picking up a gift for his wife. As expected, it is still hard for the family to cope emotionally.

I only mentioned the four different widows as scenerios, not as specific examples.

I would be less than honest if I were to say that I have zero envy for secure and “set” widows and I would be even more less than honest if I said that I would want to be a young, wealthy widow.

Agreed, maybe I am too distanced from things, but turn the tables a little bit. Distance yourself from your own personal example and answer generically.

If you had to choose one, which would you chose. Just for shits and giggles, let’s say that you are between the age of 25 and 45 when your partner dies.

(1) Partner dies leaving you in the same finacial situation you were in while he/she was living.

(2) Partner dies leaving you in deep mounts of debt.

(3) Partner dies leaving you enough to pay off debts but not enough to survive on without you working until retirement in a job you may or may not enjoy.

(4) Partner dies leaving you set for live, no worries over money or job stress.

Which would you chose?


Does the financial situation play any part in your choice?

I chose #4 and yes the financial situation DOES play a part. I am simply curious to see if I am alone in admitting it.

Of course given those four scenarios, anyone would take the one that leaves a little financial security. However, what would the answer be if you added a fifth scenario –

Partner saved from dying, life goes on just as it had before.

When the little Kunilous were actually little, and life was a never-ending load of stress, Mrs. Kunilou would occasionally envy a divorced friend of hers because every two weeks, she got to be alone for two full days. That didn’t mean that she wanted to change places, though.

I was going to add yet another scenerio but decided to just sum up my personal feeling.

If I have a partner who is going to die and leave me very comfortable, I will be very sad and mourn his death, but I wouldn’t turn away the lifestyle he left to me in death.

My question to the TM was how much mourning and suffering would you be willing to go through if the result was a life style void of stress, money worries, and enough money to survive very comfortably for the rest of your live.

I think that the focus of my question is getting a little off center. We aren’t killing anyone off here, I’m just asking how much pain and sadness would you be willing to go through in order to have a worry-free lifestyle?

How many would marry someone on his death bed if all he wanted was your companionship and someone to leave his vast fortune to? What if that person only had one month? Six months? Two years?