Okay, so the title sounds like a bit of an oxymoron, but…
I’m going to my first metal show this weekend, at a little place called The Penny Arcade in Rochester, NY. Now I’ve listened to a fair bit of metal music but I’ve never been to a show before… Not sure what to do. It’s a pretty small place, stage at one end, bar along the side, little area with pool tables and stuff… I know I want to stay far away from any sort of moshing/pit-type stuff, and I should probably get some earplugs, but beyond that… how does one behave at a metal show? I’m clueless, help me out here, please. 
Don’t bump into people if you can help it. Sometimes you’ll have to, but try “excuse me” first before resorting to (gently) pushing them aside.
Even though you say you want to avoid it, for future reference, do not try to mosh where there is no mosh pit.
Don’t be afraid of conversation, but don’t force it with people who don’t want to talk to you/yell in your general direction.
Otherwise, it’s a metal show. Pretty relaxed.
The dress code is black. 
Who’s the band? That makes a lot of difference in what the crowd will be doing.
For what it’s worth, I saw Helloween a couple months ago–one of the biggest power metal acts of the 80s. The people up front were getting into the show, but there was certainly room for people like me to sit back and listen. Most of the people there were dressed in jeans and a t-shirt, or the equivalent.
As far as I know it’s a couple of local Rochester bands opening for some bigger acts – Solsprey, Without Jade, Kill Franklyn, Stemm, Bleed the Sky, and Inherence – is the list. I’ve never heard of any of them, but my ex-boyfriend is frontman for Solsprey, hence my going (mutual friends who are a little more metal than I are also going). Should be a pretty young and lively crowd. One thing I’m particularly curious about… applauding. It just seems odd to just… clap for metal. But I’ve been in music school for the past 4 years gong to all these classical performances where all you’re aloud to do is applaud politely… do I clap after a song? Do I yell or bang my head against the wall or flash somebody to show my appreciation? 
I am clueless. As far as clothing I’m planning tank top and jeans. Black, of course.
There are some concertgoing tips in this Metal FAQ http://www.anus.com/metal/about/faq/.
If you get a chance, read some of the reviews. I love this site because the reviews are so damn incomprehensible.
As far as getting people to move out of the way, I’ve always found that just putting your hand on their shoulder/back is good enough. This way you don’t have to scream and everyone moves. I’ve never seen anyone get pissy at this.
As for this pit: the boundaries of the pit can be just as bad as the pit itself. You generally need to give yourself a two or three person buffer to avoid getting hit.
Devil horns are the aloha of the death metal community, clapping is acceptable too.
Don’t worry so much, have fun. And don’t forget your earplugs.
Yeah, I’ve never heard of any of those bands. Just stay away from the pit and you should be fine. I’d be more likely to raise a fist or two and yell something “Fuck yeah!” to show my appreciation, but if you want to clap, that shouldn’t be a problem.
Well applauding is always acceptable, as are whistling loudly and screaming “SLAYER” at the top of your lungs.
I have a few suggestions for newbie, especially a girl. These apply to a show with 150 - 500 people on the floor. Smaller shows have a totally different dynamic.
- Stay away from the pit and outskirts thereof. If you want to get in front of the pit run through as fast as possible.
- Stay away from severly drunk people, and guys w/o their shirts on.
- If you bump into someone keep your palms open, I have avoided many conflicts in this manner. Most people know that you are going to get bumped at a concert but there are some cases where punches have been thrown in my direction for merely getting shoved into someone by the mass of the crowd.
- If you’re in front and people are crowd surfing, take measures to avoid a direct hit to your head. Watch the eyes and movement of the security at the front of the stage, they’ll usually let you know that something is headed your direction.
- If you want better position, leverage is your best friend. Never give up position, I guarantee that you’ll only have to hold it one second longer than the other guy.
- Be careful about where you stand, some guys will try to take a cheap grab at you. I’ve seen it tons of times.
- Tie your shoes tightly and secure the laces or wear boots. You can lose a shoe in a heartbeat in the middle of the crowd.
- Beware the rush of the crowd as the headlining band begins to play. Acceptable “personal space” goes from 18 inches to 18 milimeters with the dimming of the lights.
- Have a good attitude… beer gets spilled, hair gets caught, people get squeezed together. Deal with it.
- If you want a souvenier from the show, I recommend milling about the front of the stage toward the end or after the show. Most people try to catch a guitar pick, but who can catch something that small? Keep your eyes on the floor, guitar picks get caught between hardwood floor planks, under shoes, stuck to smushed plastic cups. If you keep looking on the floor, you’ll find a guitar pick. This method rarely fails.
Let us know how it goes! Metal Rules!