Still alive… barely escaped… they’re vicious, I tell you, vicious…
As one of the losers who did not stay the night, I can report on more of the thrilling daytime activities on Saturday.
We shopped. We shopped. We shopped. I emptied my wallet. Repeatedly. My feet throbbed. They still hurt.
In between I peppered Hello Again with horse questions (my horse knowledge begins and ends with the fact that they have four legs. I decided Hello Again could fix this, so I incessantly threw questions her way. She has probably never been more relieved to see someone’s back than she was when I got out of her car back in Ann Arbor).
I got some holiday gifts bought (yay!) and replaced my favorite Hush Puppy slippers (which I had lost one of last year). Then I nearly lost them again, but luckily Jane D’Oh watched my packages while I dashed back to a store to find where I’d left them.
I rarely shop with other people, but I have so much fun when I do. I bought this cool new jacket, and now when I wear it I’ll always think how BunnyGirl talked me into getting the best color (blue) when I was going for colorless ho-hum beige.
Jesus, I just realized that those of you who keep checking back hoping for an update on the sin and mayhem must have cracked your back molars by now in frustration. “We want nudity, and Cranky is fricking yammering on endlessly about some fleece jacket?!?!”
I’m sorry, I’ll make way for the more exciting confessionals.
Oooh, but wait, just one more thing. You all should see the cute newborn outfit I got at the Gap outlet for my friend! It’s fleecy and tiny and it was so cheap! It only cost-
THUMP!!! Cranky is tackled in a flying leap by Cartooniverse who remarkably manages to clamp his hand over her flapping mouth at the same moment that he smashes her into the pavement. Sound of copious amounts of Duct tape being applied, along with muffled protests from Cranky while Cartooniverse mutters “shut up shut up shut up already” in a seething chant…
(Part One of ChickFest–The (mostly) True Story)
The festing started innocently enough. Shopping, dinner, then back to the hotel for some ChickStuff–nail painting, henna tattoos, wine, gossip, with chocolate thoughtfully provided by our esteemed moderator/Honorary Chick manhattan.
The girl stuff was fun. Manny graciously allowed me to paint his toenails. He was taking pictures of me in the process of painting the lovely Geobabe’s toenails, and while he was busy fiddling with the camera, I reached over and painted his big toenail. He didn’t notice until several minutes later. He decided it didn’t suck too badly, and allowed me to paint the other four on that foot. Then he decided to get girly on me, and expressed displeasure with my color of choice, which was purple. So, I removed the purple and redid them (and the other foot as well) with his preferred color–black.
mrblue was a tougher sell. He refused to allow us to paint his toenails. Even though manhattan the moderator had had his done, mrblue stubbornly refused. No amount of begging, pleading, cajoling, flirting, or offers of sexual delights beyond his wildest imagination would make him take off his shoes.
So finally we resorted to physical force.
Geobabe jumped him. But mrblue is tall, and much, much stronger than we had ever realized. He caught her. So, he’s standing there, holding Geo in his arms, when I came up with what I thought was a good idea. Knock him off balance. I tried to push him down on to the bed. I figured Geo would land on his chest, thus pinning him. She thought it’d work, too. We were wrong.
It took all of us–Geo, BunnyGirl, Jane D’oh, Misery’s Company, and me to get this man off his feet. And we’re NOT frail little slips of women, either (well, Bunny is kinda teensy, but she’s solid muscle). mrblue, however, is 6’4" of solid freaking rock. We were eventually able to get him down, but not only is he strong, he is smart. He managed to work himself into a position which made it impossible for us to actually remove his shoes. At that point, we had no choice but to admit failure (HA! You thought I was going to say “defeat,” didn’t you?).
Even though we failed, our feelings for mrblue haven’t changed. We adore him. We admire and respect him, from the bottom of our hearts. He’s a really cool guy, and the woman who finally does manage to land him will be one lucky woman indeed. 
In case you’re wondering, this story is not “mostly” true. It’s entirely true, and manny has pictures.
The “mostly” true part will come later, I promise.
You gals all got to jump on mrblue92 and I missed it?
expletive deleted
Say, maybe he has that toenail fungus that the commercials suggest make people really embarrassed about others seeing their bare feet. According the ad campaign, it’s ruined many a romantic evening. Things start to get hot and heavy, clothing is loosened, and then all of a sudden the person remembers the condition of their toes so they snap to attention and throw their confused and frustrated date out, sans explanation or apology, lest they have to unveil their podiatric horror. Then, prusambly, they lock the door, vow to never go out on a real date again, and go back to posting on the internet message boards in place of a social life.
Or maybe he lost some toes in a lawn mowing accident.
Or maybe he actually has size 5 feet and just wears the size 13 shoes to attract chicks. Think of how much he’d have to pay you off if his secret was revealed!
mrblue is an honorary chick. He knows us. He knows that all he had to do was say “Hey, I’ve got fungus/missing toes/smaller feet than you all think” and we’d have let him alone. We may be really weird, but we’re not evil, fercryinoutloud!
He just really didn’t want his toenails painted.
Well cranky has summed up saturday quite nicely already. Except she forgot the part where manny took pictures of my breasts.
Oh, and if Jane D’oh were a role-playing character, she woulld posses +10 Power Shop. The woman is a machine.
Thanks to everyone who helped me shop, and especially BunnyGirl who was of inestimable aid in buying a dress shirt for my sweetie (HelloSO?), Jane D’oh who guarded my packages and Cranky who pretended to be interested in my horse. Also, Persephone’s children are totaly cute.
That was fun… This newbie is very glad that she made the trek to Michigan yesterday.
I am sure that there will be more to come later, but for now my contribution is the Band Names we liked this weekend. Borderline Retarded (a long time favorite of mine), Hand-Strangled Mink and Adhesive Breast
I slept with Bunny!!!
Well, I slept with Bunny back in August, so nyah!
That little hussy! She told me I was the first! sob
(many thanks to Geobabe and Misery’s Company for the plot, and even more thanks to manhattan for thinking it was cool and letting me run with it)
manhattan was true to his word. He made a truly superior effort to support the economy (the way he spoiled us, you’d think he was trying to do it single-handedly). We all reaped the benefits of his generosity, and by the the end of the day, we were all engaging in some serious manny worship.
After our unsuccessful attempt to paint mrblue’s toenails, things settled down a bit. mrblue decided it was time for him to leave, so with many hugs and well-wishes, we let him go. No way we were even going to think about trying to keep him there–we love him, but we didn’t want our collective fannies whooped twice.
So the remaining Dopers (manny, Geo, Bunny, Misery’s Company, Jane D’oh, and myself) began conversing. Fascinating conversation, it was. All manner of topics were discussed. Slowly but surely, the conversation became an awful lot like…General Questions. Without us even realizing it, manny had taken over ChickFest.
Misery’s Company is an awesome woman. The general consensus is that she’s gonna be a somebody on these boards. Oh yeah. We dig her. A lot. But, she is still a newbie, and this was her first fest. Now, the conversation was getting quite deep. There we were, in the hotel room, actively mapping a genome (thoughtfully provided by Jane), when Misery sweetly piped up “hey, has anyone here ever wondered why we drive on the parkway, but park in the driveway?”
The room fell silent. Then we all collapsed into gales of hysterical laughter. All of us except manny, that is.
His eyes glowed fire. His hands clenched in to fists, and steam erupted from his ears and nostrils.
“TOO FRIVOLOUS!!” he roared. “OFF TO MPSIMS WITH YOU!!!” Our laughter stopped. The only sound that could be heard was the drip of Misery’s tears, landing softly on the carpet. He’d made the newbie cry.
“Crying?? There’s no crying in General Questions!” manny thundered. Then he grabbed Misery by the back of the neck, and started for the door.
We stared, shocked, not quite believing what we were seeing. This man, who had been so kind, so generous, so tolerant of our girly behavior, was gone. In his place was a raving megalomaniac, intent on ChickDope domination.
This was not cool. Not at all. But what to do? How could we stop him? We’d already been defeated once in combat, but that was fun, dammit! This was truly serious.
Then, from the back of the room, a loud, firm voice was heard. “Take one more step, mister, and you are dogmeat!” manny stopped. We all turned, and there was Bunny hands on her hips, ready to show him down. “Get your hands off her now, or we’ll whip your sorry behind.”
manny laughed. “Oh yeah?” he hooted. “You couldn’t take mrblue, what makes you think you can take me?”
“Ladies, I think it’s time we show this punk what real women can do,” said Geo. Then we struck.
Misery delivered a swift kick to manny’s shin. He yelped and doubled over. Geo, Jane, and Bunny took that opportunity to jump him. They tried to wrestle him to the floor, but he was tough. I started across the room, but just then, an ear-splitting shriek rose above the din. It was Geo. manny had one arm wrapped around her neck, and with his other hand, he ripped Geo’s arm out of it’s socket and began beating her over the head with it.
Enough was enough. Moderators have a lot of power, but dammit, ripping off Doper’s arms and thwacking them with the bloody stumps is completely unacceptible.
I snapped, and with a banshee-like wail, I flung myself at manny and Geo. Misery saw me coming, and threw herself to the floor behind them. We toppled over her, crashed in to the wall and fell to the floor. I sank my teeth into manny’s arm, and he let go of Geo. She wriggled free, clutching the shoulder where her arm used to be.
Jane yanked Geo’s torn limb from manny’s grasp, and tossed it back to her. “Get him up here for me, will ya, girls?” Geo asked. Bunny and I jerked manny to his feet, and dragged him across the room. “You’ve really honked me off,” Geo said quietly. “I normally have piles of respect for moderators, but tearing off my arm? C’mon, man, don’t you think that’s overstepping your bounds just a bit?”
manny knew he was in trouble. Here was Geo, speaking to him calmly and rationally, looking him right in the eye, all the while holding her own ripped-out arm in her lap.
He fell to his knees. “I’m sorry,” he said, his voice quavering. “The shopping, the pheromones, the wine, the frivolity and fun-having…it just got to me, you know? I snapped. I lost it. Please forgive me.” Geo smiled. “There, there,” she said, patting him on the head with her good arm. “I’m willing to let bygones be bygones, but you’ve got some serious making-up to do, and you can start by reattaching my arm.”
We cleaned up the room while manny sewed Geo’s arm back on. He did a fine job, and he was so grateful that Geo hadn’t been as pissed as she could have been that he was pretty much our slave for the rest of the night. Anything we wanted, we got.
And when we decided it was time for facials and makeovers, well…let’s just say that manny cleans up very, very nicely.
I slept with Bunny!!! The hussy.
Oh yeah, and manny? Don’t ever do that again. That smarts. You’re lucky I only made you do a bikini wax.
You were missed very much, sweetie. We did make a toast to you, but it wasn’t anywhere near as good as having you there. {{{{{Miss C}}}}}
Persephone I’m glad you were paying attention cuz I never would have been able to keep the facts straight. (I’m easily distracted by torn limbs and overall mayhem.)
I had a great time and it was super to meet all of ya, and remember, I am always ready for a retail experience!
Well, here’s my story. [sub]and I’m stickin’ to it![/sub]
The weekend started innocently enough. Isn’t that always the way? We met up at Cranky’s, I reveling in the knowledge that I’d known that UncleBeer was coming and no one else did (I like secrets). Onward to the restaurant where our loudness and insistence on talking about boobs garnered us more than the normal share of stares. Jane D’oh (what a trooper!) actually found us in the restaurant even though the poor thing didn’t know what anyone looked like. It must’ve been the loud talk that clued her in. 
After dinner, we headed out to try and find someplace that would give us a dessert to put us into a diabetic coma. Alas, the first place we went, the wait was 45 minutes to an hour (snooty snobs!) and we only succeeded in doing what large groups of Dopers do best: clog up the arteries of movement. 9 people standing right in the only entrance to the restaurant. Excellent! We found a PC, I-wanna-be-a-liberal-when-I-grow-up, college coffeehouse where we succeeded in causing even the most jaded, liberal-thinking college student to watch us and blush at our completely unabashed desire of promoting breasts. There were many cleavage shots with manny’s camera. (Stop panting, boys, he’ll put the pictures up soon enough). It was cool to talk to Weirddave even though I couldn’t hear him very well. Poor guy! Anyhoo, the night ended and I got to bed late. 1:45 late. Ugh.
Got up at 7:30 and met Jane at the coffee shop. We headed up to Birch Run and got in line at Customer Service so we could pick up the coupon books. While Jane held my place in line, I got in line for the potty. Of course, the line for the women’s bathroom was out the door and down the hall. Two women behind me said, “Hey there’s no one in the men’s room, let’s go in there.” One of their friends watched the door. I was crossing my knees at this point, so I slipped into the men’s john when one of the ladies freed up a stall. I thought that the other gal would continue to watch the door for me. I have since learned that assumptions are dangerous things. As I’m doing my business, a guy comes in and does what a guy does in a men’s room. I thought I could outwit him and when I thought (notice, another assumption) he had left, I slipped out and ran out. Unfortunately, he was standing at the sink and saw me leave. :eek: ! I got back into line with Jane, told her what happened and then the guy from the bathroom walks by, grinning at me, and says, “That was pretty slick!” :o Oh, the shame!
We met everyone up at Spiegel’s where we made plans on how to shop and when to meet and then I was promptly abandoned by everyone. Boo-hoo! Actually, Jane is like a shopping laser of some sort, and everyone else just thought someone else was hanging with me. Oh, poor Bunny :rolleyes: I was saved by the appearance of Hello Again and Cranky at the Woolrich store. They both helped soothed my traumatized little ego. Anyway, the shopping was fun (I’m wearing my $30 cashmere sweater now, y’all!), the day was beautiful, the company was fantastic (Misery’s Company showed up at about 1:30 – what a gal!) and the night was YOUNG! Cranky, Hello Again, Shadowfox, and wring left us wailing and gnashing our teeth when they had to leave. The rest of us headed over to Frankenmuth about 7:00 to check out the shops and eat, eat, eat. Our waiter at the Bavarian Inn was obviously new and the poor guy was trying so hard I thought he was going to pull a muscle. manny, being the great guy that he is, paid for dinner! Good heavens, what a treat!
Back at the hotel, things got interesting. While everyone piled into manny’s room, I changed into my swimsuit and demanded that someone (anyone!) come sit in the hot tub with me. I had been singularly focused on the idea of just a quiet, relaxing time in a smokingly hot hot tub and was determined to see through to my goal! Geo, whose always ready for any adventure, went with me. Unfortunately, the tub was full of rowdy, drunk women and since they weren’t rowdy, drunk Doper women and we didn’t know any of their jokes, we didn’t stay long. manny and Persephone came down to see what was going on and tried to shoot some pictures of Geo and me in our glory, but the camera lens fogged up. Hey, we know we’re hot! 
Back at the room, we tried to convince to mrblue to let us paint his toenails, but he resisted all our feminine wiles. We begged, we pleaded, we offered sexual favors (joke!), but nothing availed. Some then tried force. Contrary to popular belief, I was not involved in the physical brutishness. I figured if we Doper Chicks can’t convince a man with our accumulated feminine charms, well, there’s little hope for the man. (You know we love ya, mrb!) I mean, I was wearing my little white bra-like running top, Geo was braless in her white pajama t-shirt, Persephone was looking tasty[ Misery had exposed her panties….good lord, what kind of normal man can resist that? Truly, he is superhuman. That’s the only explanation. I watched on with amusement. Before all this, Geo figured mrblue looked like a good couch while he sat on the bed and used him as such. I’m quite sure he wasn’t sure what to do with a pajama-clad Geobabe laying on his chest. 
Jane pulled out the mehndi body art kit and it was tattoos all around! I made the mistake of having her do mine on the small of my back (they dropped a little henna on my pajama bottoms and the stain looks like I had a bad bathroom experience! ) and had to remain hunched over for the next hour while the henna stuff dried/soaked into my skin. Misery, being the bold, shameless woman she is, pulled her pants right down and gave us all a glimpse of her matching bra and panty set. (Stop weeping, all you guys that couldn’t attend!). Must’ve been the Woodchuck Amber Cider (yum! cider!).
Anyway, the pros and cons of ordering porn were discussed (we didn’t), toenails were painted, wine was consumed and the night wore on. About 1:00, mrblue, despite our pleas for him to crash in manny’s room, decided it was time to leave. We sat around for about another hour, talking girl talk, gossiping about the Board and who was hooking up with whom (“whom”? Is that right?), feminine body issues, you get the picture. The estrogen level was so high in that room, I think I saw manny starting to grow boobs. After all the talk that went on, I’m sure he’ll be doing some brain scrubbing when he gets home. There are some things that guys are just better off not hearing about.
The next morning, Jane had to leave early (6:30!) but the remainder of us got up and around by 10:00 and headed off for breakfast at Cracker Barrel. YUM! I love breakfast. We talked about how much fun it would be to organize a camping trip next summer and invite more people. The slumber party was so fun and there were so many people we wanted to have there (including a lot of “honorary chicks”) that it was decided that an overnight, all-for-one event MUST be held. Hopefully, I’ll be able to come. Time will tell. I apologize to Misery, Geo, and manny for making the remainder of breakfast (after Persephone had to leave) a personal therapy session for myself. I tend to get a little obsessive about things when they’re in my head and I appreciate you not rolling your eyes at me when I repeated everything y’all had heard the night before. :rolleyes: As Bartyles & James would say, “Thank you for your support!”
Everyone took off to their respective destinations with my mantra of “Cut and paste the thread to Bunny!” in their head and much lamenting on the shortness of the weekend. After arriving home and showing hubby all my treasures, I promptly climbed into bed and slept for 5 hours. I was exhausted. I also went to bed at 9:00 that night and slept 'till 6:00 a.m.
As a final note, I discovered this morning, that I had a $100 less in my savings account than I thought I had. Whoops! :eek:
Thank you to all that came. There were so many that I wished could’ve come, even if only for dinner on Friday night. Lots of good folks that I miss lots! Next time….next time!
edited to fix bold tags
[Edited by UncleBeer on 11-12-2001 at 11:05 AM]
I slept with Bunny!!!
And I have been informed that Shadow merely slept in the same room as Bunny. I actually slept with Bunny. Our butts were touching. So nyah yerself, missy.
In no particular order, my reminiscences and comments:
My mehndi has developed quite nicely. I’ll see if I can get a pic with my mom’s digital camera, 'cause it looks pretty good. Many thanks to Jane D’oh! for providing same.
Misery’s Company is a kick-ass newbie. I’m really glad she came, and hope to see her around these parts for a long time.
mrblue is superhuman. He fought off three of us, resisting Persephone and Misery’s pushing while holding me suspended in the air–and I’m not tiny like Miss Bunny, either. He really didn’t want his toenails painted. While we were terribly disappointed that he wouldn’t give in to our feminine wiles, I gotta give him some props for sticking to his guns.
manny, what can I say? You rock.
Cranky, always great to see you. I’m so glad you were able to join us for lunch on Friday, and many thanks for the help with finding the hotel.
Hello Again does indeed have very nice breasts, although I didn’t get to see them up close.
UncleBeer’s surprise appearance Friday night was a delightful one. He managed to keep it a secret, even to the point of blatantly LYING to me and manny :eek:. It was delightful to meet him at long last, and I agree with Persephone that he is smokin’ hot.
Speaking of Persephone, she touched my butt numerous times, and also felt me up in a vain attempt to distract me from some tasty Marines I spotted crossing the street. Yeah, that’s going to work. :rolleyes: She’s taking Shameless Hussy lessons from me, and is making remarkable progress, a star student.
It was great to meet wring, and too bad you couldn’t join in the festivites later on. Good luck with the bridal coupon project, let us know how it turns out.
Am I forgetting anyone?
Superhuman? No, not even close. But I will not rest until all toenails everywhere are free.
Last night, I had a dream. I had a dream of world where toenails are not judged on the color of their polish but on the content of their character…
Geobabe, it’s true you’re not as tiny as Bunny, but you were still quite light. Do you have a titanium endoskeleton?
Hey, has anybody seen Manny? The way he was spending money like it was water and leaving huge wads of it lying around in candy stores, I’m beginning to wonder if he made it back with cab fare. BTW, thanks again–Geo’s right, you do rock (and she should know).
Please. I weigh 150 pounds. Not huge, but not exactly itty bitty either. You were tossing me around like a Nerf ball.
One thing that I think bears mentioning - in the planning stages, the phrase ‘herding cats’ was used more than once to describe the futility of attempting to keep shoppers together.
however, it apparently can be done as long as only one or two are actually pulling money out of wallets (and leaving it on the counter), for the group I was part of:
MrBlue, GeoBabe, manhattan, ShadowFox, Persephone, & I all managed to keep together, blocking aisleways by the velvet panties etc.
I did note that manny was quite masterful in person as well, and watched in admiration at the Shameless Hussy[sup]TM[/sup] lessons that Persephone was getting from GeoBabe. You will note, of course, that our group had the guys! (this was not an accident).
Always good to see Cranky, Bunny & Persephone again (aka the Mid Michigan Crafty Women Dopers [sup]TM[/sup]), and was glad to spend more time with MrBlue (a true good sport) & ShadowFox again.
Very cool to meet for the first time (although briefly) **Hello & Jane **, and, always pleased to meet dopers who travel long distances. naturally they be cool.
And, to UncleBeer - well, now you’ll never know how I’d have greeted you, had you but let me know you were going to be there…
Will keep y’all updated re: the bridal coupon gig (I started a small thread in MPSIMS looking for ideas, feel free to add in).
Thanks to Bunny for managing the whole thing - I fear for our military, since they’ve obviously lost a brilliant strategist.
Do they make 150 pound Nerf balls? 
If you’re 150, you’re a very light 150. [sub]Wonders if a woman has ever said she weighed more to make a guy feel more manly…[/sub]
OK, so I did help my brother roll half a Chevette off the back of his pickup once. But he injured his back doing it, so he probably took the heavy side. I mean, I’m not like Bruce Willis in Unbreakable or anything.