Tales of ChiDope Debauchery : The Official Wrap-Up Thread

I survived.

More later.

C’mon people … let’s post 'em.

[Homer Simpson voice]

Why don’t those stupid idiots let me in their crappy club for jerks?

[/Homer Simpson voice]

I was all set and excited to show up for a few hours to the Main Dope at T. O’Tooles. Then, my pre-arranged babysitter calls to say she can’t stay later than 6:00 and all my plans go to waste.

I hope everyone had fun. I’ll just keep watching the updates and waiting for the photos, and cry myself to sleep.


My love for the Doperettes I had already met affirmed?


The reasons for my love of other Doperettes I’ve know for years but only “met” last night strengthened?


Room found in my heart for totally shallow and disappointedly platonic love for a few more Doperettes I didn’t know much before last night?


Complete mortification at my behavior with the above groups?


Fences mended with Manny and Eutychus, to whom I must always be nice now that I have met them and they turned into Real People?


Amazement that Ed would actually come down from on high and mingle with us mortals for a change?


Complete lack of surprise that Ed didn’t seem to know me from Adam’s off ox?


Realization that I really like you people, even the guys, and I don’t mind being in physical proximity to you and I really should try this sober since I did it backwards and stayed sober for my first few Fests and got drunk at this one when it should have been the other way around?


Still amazed that people would come from across the country for one of these?


Understanding that I hang out with the right bunch as I drove down Randolph, saw signs for Harpo Studios and the Museum of Holography, and wanted to visit the latter?


Yup, sounds like we done had us a ChiDope!

What dropzone said. This morning was also the first time in my life I’ve been able to fall asleep deeply enough that the flight attendant had to wake me up.

I’m too pregnant for this, methinks. I still had a great time.

More later.


I lost my voice. On Friday night, I had a wonderful Eartha Kitt growl thing going on.

Then I went to the Cubs game on Saturday. I now sound like that one kid in The Wonder Years, only after his balls got run over by a truck.

Those of you who I saw either on Friday night, at Nymysys’ place on Saturday, or today, at brunch, it was wonderful to meet you/see you again.

Those of you who I didn’t meet, well, I guess I’ll catch you next time or when I’m 21, whichever comes first.


Maeglin broke his crotch.

lno extinguished a fire using only gasoline and the power of his lungs. He’s magic.

Hamadryad and Tequila Mockingbird broke my li’l heart.

I got a flat tire.

I, like Tiggy, lost my voice, but I sounded much more like a wheezy old man than Eartha Kitt. I’m ok with that.

Eutychus made fun of me.

So did Persephone.

She has nice boobs.

There were lots of nice boobs.

Boobs are cool.

Doper chicks are sex.

I’m exhausted.

I’m really glad I went, and really glad to have met the people I did. Buncha rockstars.

I should note at this point that what typo-mna posted here was probably more than I heard him say the entire weekend. :wink:

Hell of a guy, though.

Oh, yeah. MsRobyn gave me a 24-pack of caramel M&Ms, and for this, she rocks even MORE than she did before. She’s almost hit the critical mass of rockingness. :smiley:

OH, and Jess (Jessica2) ROCKS EVEN MORE for being my roomie. And giving me Og the Bunny who now looms over my monitor. :smiley:

See, he’s doing it again!

At least I wasn’t making out with Ed Zotti, nyah.

Not enough KayKay’s.

Well, I just got home a few hours ago and my thoughts are still pretty random, scattered, and disorganized but I’ll try to sum up as best as I can and hit the high points. Please keep your questions until the end of the lecture.

The flight in was fairly uneventful. I hadn’t flown in about 15 years so I’d forgetten what it was like. They tell you to get to the airport about 2 hours early but I blew through security in about 15 minutes so I had a lot of time on my hands. So to try to kill it, I picked up “The Brethren” by John Grisham. Awful. Perfectly awful. Grisham is off my list from now on.

Got to O’Hare right on time. Big ol’ damn place, but instantly recognizable because that’s (I think) where they shot some of the opening scenes from “Dogma.” That was kinda cool when I recognized that. Got upstairs to the baggage claim and what the hell? T. F. Green Airport in Warwick / Providence only has five claim areas … here they seem to stretch out for miles round! Went the wrong way looking for mine and turned around to head up the other way and there was a vision of lovliness waiting for me.

Persephone was there.

To put in persepctive for those who don’t know, Persephone and I have been friends since way back on the old AOL board and have weathered each others storms together through all this time, but this is the first time we’ve ever actually met. I don’t think I’ve ever hugged anybody so much or wanted to for so long.

And yes, to quell any rumors, Persephone and I finally did what we’d talked about for so long.

We watched Spongebob Squarepants together.

Got back to the hotel … got to meet Superdude and Wisest Novel and later went down to the bar to meet Jand D’oh and a few others and waited for CKDexterHaven to show up since we dinner arrangements for the eveing. Never having met him before I had expected something more … well … rabbinical, I guess the word is. He was not at all what I expected. I don’t think I was either. I think we burned out a few of his brain cells when we all went to the Wild Goose after dinner.

I was a little restrained at the Goose, this being my first fest and it was kind of loud for a normally quiet person as myself. So I spent a lot of time just trying to match faces with names and making fun of Iampunha, who is a really nice guy once you get to know him.

Next day Dex was supposed to take us on a driving tour of Chicago, but had some problems at home, so had to cancel. We decided to hit the Hard Rock Cafe and wander around for some shopping. Met typo-mna and Shadowfox out in the parking lot and decided to drag them along with us. Figured out the train/bus system, got to the Hard Rock but there was a 45 minute wait so we wandered around a bit, got to see the guitars of Clapton and Hendrix. Went next door to the Rock and Roll MacDonald’s for lunch which we decided seems to have an inordinate amount of Elvis memorabilia. Wandered up the street to Blues Chicago and did some souvenir shopping. Met up with Iampunha and Tequila Mockingbird (who has quite a few more freckles than one may expect) just by chance at the train station. Punha and I did a bit of verbal sparring on the train home and Persephone now says that either one or the other of us can attend a fest that she is at, but not both. Ever again.

Bitch. I thought we were damned entertaining.

Later that same evening …

Met up with the rest of the dopers at O’Toole’s later that evening. A little (not much) quieter and since I had met a few the previous evening, I felt a lot looser and more at ease. [ Homer ] “I must have seen thirty seven breasts!” Got into a match of NTN Trivia with tattva and others where we decided that that the only reason we were coming in second was because of some alphabetic anomoly. Arranged Thinksnow’s penis for him. Zyada came out and did a wonderful belly dance for us and for some reason all the guys watching had to hit the mens room for 15 minutes or so afterwards.

Me to Pucette about once ever half hour : “You know? You haven’t given me a kiss ALL NIGHT.” Kept it up as long as it was working. Which was most of the night.

I’m not usually a big drinker and I’m on my second rum and coke by this time (one is usually enough to give me a buzz) so some of the details I’m still hazy on. But apparently there was some sort of bet made, the payoff being that Superdude would kiss another guy. With tongue. Persephone seemed to think I’d be a good vict … uh … volunteer.

So, yes … I kissed Superdude. On the mouth. With tongue. Happy now? Good. It gets worse.

Persephone somes over and says “Zotti’s here! Zotti’s here!” And yes, Ed Zotti has shown up as well. Ed, never having seen me, apparently thinks I’m going to be some pasty, overweight guy. I’m actually 120 pounds, but still rugged and handsome. Flush with my sucees with Superdude I figure what the hell … this kind of chance only comes up once in a lifetime. So I walk up to him, turn him around, grab his face and kiss him smack on the mouth. The when I tell him who I am, he grabs MY face and gives me two big kisses on each cheek. This either means that I’m now his bitch or I’m marked for a hit. This IS Chicago, after all.

Sunday morning my plane takes off early, at 10:10 am. This has got to have been one of the best weekends of my life.

Superdude’s a slut. I wouldn’t french kiss him so he broke my heart and dumped me for Eutychus. sob

How can I mend a brokenheart?

Sorry, my mind is still a bit in the gutter. When you said I sure must get it a lot… nevermind. So, I ask with more than a bit of trepidation, who?

[sup]It was great fun getting constantly (albeit narrowly) defeated by Krusty in billiards. It was even more fun cracking wise with the lovely Gundy. I’ll try to e-mail you those pics now[/sup]

I had great fun meeting all the new folks and seeing old friends again. I love that so many of you have made the transition from “Straight Dope Friends” to “just plain old friends,” making my next trip to NYC a much-anticipated event.

I didn’t get to spend nearly enough time with Maeglin, for which I’m sorry - I’ll see you next time I come to NYC I hope.

CrankyAsAnOldMan and Enderw24 are very fun houseguests, even if Cranky’s mother does suck cocks in hell.

We miznade it biznack to Cizlumbus okay. We chiznaged all your niznames on the wizway.

Our favorite: Criznunchy Friznawg. Jess is gonna change her usename to Jizznessica.

Don’t do this to Tig’s name, btw.

Good time was had by all. Wrigley Field was cold. The Pirates won, I think. Whatever. It was mostly cold.

Tired now.

Kiznyla, Jizznessica2, Iampiznunha, & Quizznix78

Here’s a link to ChiDope pictures. It’s at MSN, so I don’t know if it will give anyone a hard time to get there.

Also, there are three pages.

For most of the details, see Euty’s last post. I was his Designated DopeFester this weekend, so we hung out together. Meeting him at the airport was great. We’ve been friends for soooooooooo damn long, it was wonderful to finally put a real face to the name.

I was met at the airport by Superdude, which was wonderful. He rocks. He truly doth rock. Hung out & chatted with him for a bit, before he decided he needed a nap & opted out of going to the airport with me to pick up Euty. They met each other when Euty & I returned, though.

Friday night dinner was great. Dex picked up Euty & I (Euty found him in the lobby of the hotel, where Dex was holding up a handwritten sign, just like a limo driver) Went with CK Dexter Haven, Euty, Gaudere, manny, UncleBeer, & porcupine. Spent the evening getting very subtly bitchslapped by Dex, who was amused that I would be so in awe of him. Eventually I figured it out, though, called him on it, and he indeed confirmed that yes, he was just trying to get me to not be scared of him. Damn funny guy, he is. I’ll tell you this, though–you haven’t lived until you’ve seen Dex & manny try to figure out who owes what on a restaurant bill.

On to the Wild Goose. Dex drove all of us. And every single moderator in the car complained about either a) having to use the bathroom, or b) one of the other moderators touching them. Dex handled them with his usual grace and style, though (“Why didn’t you say something before we left?” “Don’t make me pull this car over!”).

Then we got to the Wild Goose, where us ordinary posters scared Dex so badly that he had to leave. It was wonderful to see so many other Dopers that I’ve met before, especially the NYC contingent (you folks made me feel so welcome in NYC–damn it really was just mind-bendingly wonderful to see you again!). I tried to hug as many people as I could, but I know I missed a few. Met some others for the first time, too (like Shibb , who let me touch his beautiful head!), and Sophie , who for some unknown reason was totally geeked about meeting *me. * Made me feel really, really special, she did!

One of the first people I saw when I walked in to the Wild Goose, though, was my newest friend, **Wisest Novel. ** He is one of the folks that shared my room, along with Superdude & tattva, (who is terminally cool!). Now that was nice. I met Wisest Novel a couple of weeks ago, at the Michigan fest at Cranky’s house. I must alert the single Hot Doper Wimmins–get next to this guy ASAP. Nice, smart, funny, reeeeeeeeeeeeal nice to look at, and available. And, as he told me on Sunday, abso-freaking-lutely amazed at the utter hotness of the Doper women. But anyone that doesn’t think y’all are hotter than Hades is probably just dead. :wink:

I’ll post later about my reflections on Saturday, because I’m really freaking tired, and must sleep. I have to work tomorrow.
((((((Everyone, not just the ChiDopers)))))

One day, I’ll meet you all. Then my life will be complete.

You didn’t title any of the pictures! I don’t know who’s who! You nefarious evil person.

Mwah-haha! Okay, there were a couple of IDs in there that I wasn’t 100% certain on, and rather than slight anyone I left them untitled. But I can tell you that Ed Zotti is the handsome man with the red jacket in picture #10. And there are mods themselves (and a couple of others) in #13, 14, 16 & 17.