Agreed with the Baldwin and Guinastasia. Regardless of what you may believe, those experiences are not a common or normal part of growing up Christian. I had some unnecessarily flippant replies earlier in this thread, but I retract those now that I know that there’s some obvious mental illness involved here.
note: in these early mystical events of my life i can’t be 100% certain that they happened in the order that i’m laying them down, because i wasn’t keeping a written journal. i place them in the order that they make the most sense to me.
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around the next day, i came outside at about the same time and saw my brother gale on top of a tractor that was park next to the house. he was breathing gasoline from one of the openings. i noticed that there was another opening towards the front and began doing what i saw him doing. i liked the oder. things were all black because my eyes were closed and then i heard the carss talking as they went down the old hiway in front of the house. then a noise began and it got louder and louder and louder (very much like the song by the beatles, a day in the life). and then, just like that, all the blackness was gone and i saw millions upon millions of people fighting shoulder to shoulder with swords! they were all screaming and fighting each other! the vision only lasted maybe three seconds and then just like a camera shutter, my middle eye closed and i was back to this world! i found myself standing a ways from the tractor in the middle of the back yard lawn. my brother gale called me from behind and we went into a dirty, empty chickn coop and he talked about something. i was to shaken up to say what had happened or anything at all, for that matter.
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flunked 1st or 2nd grade. never did the homework and was acting up in the one-room school house. there was nearly zero intellectual conversations in the place with my dad hitting the bottle and causing a ruckous, hitting us with his belt. (sister told me years later that in those days he was making her and my brother ron do bad things while he drove his car and drank. he’s now dead.)
21 still having problems with avoiding trying to place myself in letha’s crotch. would sit on the sewing machine bench acting like i was interested in learning to sew, and couldn’t resist the urge of sliding a hand under her just as she sat down. she would at times tease me by sitting in my lap on occassions and then quickly get up laughing.
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in a room with gale and someone enters and says dad wants to know if you and gale would like to go into foster care. i had no idea what that was but agreed just because it wasn’t a good idea to disagree with him in anyway lest the belt come out.
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in a foster home and dad picks me and gale up on most weekends.
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the social worker overlooking our case decides we need to move to a state-run home in ann arbor. lots and lots of kids, big 3 or 4 story building. (this was when sunny liston and clay were about to have their big fight.)
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president kenndy is shot and beatles are on the scene in ameriaca.
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called into an office with my brother and am told that i’m going to michigan’s children’s psychiatric hospital, mcph, and that i’ll be seperated from gale. i don’t like this.
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on the 5th level i’m introduced to a psychotic hatefreak. i quickly become friends with him as best i can so as to get him to like me. he, me and this other kid do bad, bad things with the little girls sharing the ward. not intercourse but making bad requests. i’m losing all self respect, as the hatefreak shows me how to masturbate.
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me and my new friends intimidate little girl (my age) for sex but don’t do it though she offers. the hatefreak shows me and this other fellow during lunch how to down a spoonful of salt. i load mine up and so does don, the other guy that’s lost his selfrespect and is afraid of the hatefreak david. that night i say my now i lay me down to sleep prayer with the nice college girl listening. she plays her guitar and i go to sleep and run into God’s wrath! it was like being caught in a spider wed with nowhere to go, and as it moved closer and closer to my sorry soul like a formless, dull-white thing, it made me screem saying “No no, no, no!” as it was pure hate. i was released and ran out of bed straight for the office where the college psyhe workers write their daily reports. i couldn’t talk and the guy or lady that was there said, “bad dream?” i just shook my head yes.
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dad was visiting me on most weekends. at times he’d take me home to be with leatha and her kids. one time while driving home he told me to lay my head on his lap. i said i didn’t want to and he yelled at me and grabbed me. nothing happened.
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one morning i walked towards the TV room and was about to enter when i saw something i didn’t like. a college girl was combing the long, beautiful hair of one of the girls living there on the ward. as she did she told her sweetly how beautiful she was. i left and came back later. the little girl, now alone, was walking towards me and with zero effort on my part, these horrible words blew out of my mouth: do you wanna F—?!" she gentally and quickly replied, “Go to your room.” and again, with no consious intention on my part, these words came out: “WHO’S GOING TO MAKE ME!” with that, i saw from out of the corner of my eye small, black thing leave my chest. i walked away and thought, “i am no longer innocent. it’s okay, i’ll still get my money. they can get someone else to be their messinger.” later, saying my now i lay me prayers, i was again met by God’s hate for me. same thing, only this time He said: You bastard! I hate you! your going to tell them! You’re absolutely going to tell them!" i again screamed and was finally released.
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i sat slumped over in the hall the next morning and was sent for evaluation. the shrink asked me what the nightmare was about but i couldn’t go into it. i knew that i would become somewhat deformed as a result of nearly being ripped apart by God’s anger on two occassions.
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after around 7 months of being there, i was informed that i was going to muskegon’s children’s home in muskegon, mi. first day: two older black boys came into my room and intimidated me; kicked and put a dent in the tackle box my dad bought me. (i was now on the road to reaping the bad karma i sewed.)
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met a wonderful psychologist that liked me. his name was ken seabins.
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housemother took us boys to town and we wathced the great race, starring tony curtis and natlie woods. something happened. in an office scene, with curtis sitting in a chair and wood, standing there looking at him, i suddenly became very excited and could hardly breath. it had to do with the look she was giving him, it was a sexual thing in her eyes!
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was asked by my counceler if i’d like to live with him and his wife. i was too shy to say yes. wound up going to live with some people from the church he attended.
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in holland with my new foster family. 1966, summer. buyer’s remorse. my new mom became cold overnight and i new she didn’t like me.
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helped my new family move into another house. mom making comments at lunch time like, “the state is paying us a $1.65 a day for having you. that’s a $2.00 meal.”
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circa 1968. neighbor friends and school mates turned me onto a stack of dirty magazines. i couldn’t stop thinking about them. i noticed that they had X’s on them. with one x they’d show some nudity that wasn’t as revealing as the ones with two Xs. (none had 3 Xs)
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around this time one of the most horrible things happened. a mystical thing by nature. i was in the house alone walking towards the dining area when, out of nowhere, i suddenlly found myself having to lay down on the couch. only for a few moments, i think. i then arose and i had the absolutely most horrible feeling come over me. (though not as bad as the times when God nearly ripped my soul to shreds.) i found myself wanting to escape! but i didn’t know why or where to. it was like a knowledge of something that was of a spiritual nature, but i was deeply frightened and just wanted to escape! i went into the bathroom and though about climbing through the window. i tried to gather myself, and after a time the dread and fear disabated. it was horrible. [in the book michelle remembers, the devil is quoted in it saying “you’ll know the time is here, you’ll feel the dispair.”]
- rock and roll is at its height and the Doors are in LA getting things uderway singing songs like the End.
- around this time, i had a similar yet different experience involving another thing coming over me. i was down in the basement in the room my foster dad made me, when this strange thing came over me. like the other one except this time emblazened in my mind were these words: It’s happening! It’s happening!.." I can’'t begin to find the words to say how utterly dreadful I felt. I felt like my soul was gone. i somehow made it upstairs and my foster mom was sitting at the kitchen counter reading the local paper. she went into some talk about how she knew someone mentioned in it. i tried to act normal and thus i said, “she’s the woman that made the bar in the basement.” it made no sense and she knew somehting wasn’t right, she told me to stay in the house. the horrible thing, like the other one, drifted away after an hour or so. (in the movie the Doors, morrison is shown being thrown against a cop car while saying to the cops, “it’s happening to you and it’s happening to me!”)
I’ll post this and continue on…
Guy–I am not laughing and I am sorry for the snark earlier. I think you might need to talk to someone about your questions and the events in your life. Sounds like you have had counseling in the past, but one thing I’ve learned from my own therapy–it’s a tool to be used when needed. I sense a real struggle in you: sexuality vs “purity” for one.
Re the knowing Jesus before your birth. Someone more learned than I will know the specifics, but IMS, this is a heresy. (are there Prostestant heresies?).
Best of luck to you.
FriarTed–thanks. I am horrid with names of people in RL and here, as well as in history. The only Biblical person I can recall with a physical struggle of a personal kind was Isaiha (I’m sure I spelled that wrong)–and didn’t he wrestle an angel, not a demon? IMO, we all struggle with personal demons, no matter our faith or lack of it. Demon does not equal Satan to me, but I’m digressing.
So, it amazes you that people in this thread are overly confident about how they see the world–but you don’t think that you also come across as overly confident in how you see the world? Because a number of people besides me have given you good, factual answers that explain why your conception that this guy is the Antichrist is wrong–yet you refuse to accept this information.
So then, this means that you interpret that passage as Jesus is saying that the angels and the Son know at least the month and the year, if not the day and the hour, of the Second Coming? Because that IS what you’re saying, you realize.
Okay, so…show me your “increments”. The mere existence of bar codes and scanners in today’s society? Question: Why is it bar codes and scanners that are the “sign of the times”, and not the fact that in Cuba, churches need a special ration card to make purchases?
But when people give you facts, you ignore them. I therefore infer that you are not really interested in “Truth”, but only in airing your beliefs. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, as Great Debates is the forum for witnessing.
In this Chick Tract, “The Beast”.
And in this film, Image of the Beast (1980).
And in this book, Left Behind Book #8, The Mark.
“Fiction”, in other words. The Chick tract doesn’t show children having their heads cut off, and I haven’t seen the movie or read the book, so I dunno about those. But “having your head cut off in a guillotine” is S.O.P. in these things. I have no idea why a French 18th century execution method has been selected as the mode of choice, why it’s not hanging or electrocution or lethal injection. Or being forced to swallow hemlock, or being torn apart by wild horses, or being eaten by lions in an arena, or…
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**THIS remark should have been entered when I moved in with my new foster family: my nose was growing and many of the children were making unkind comments about it. i was called names, like pinochio.
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a total loser in school and with the girls, i decided to join the army. 1973.
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the hatred that the Lord felt for me when I was in the funny farm continues … people in green putting me down for being ugly. i took solice in porn. (actually the porn movie horror began when i was still in michigan. would go into the savoy movie theater in GR and practically shaking in anticipation and would enjoy.)
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germany, mainz. 1975. found a book on edward casey and liked what the lady wrote in the back about people and their karma, the laws of karma. i decided that i’d go ahead and take whatever crap people gave me and not respond to it. Christianity was good but i liked that someone was saying that everything is perfect and that one has to ride out the crap and get back on the right path.
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came back home after two years in the service and found that dear old mom and dad, foster folks, didn’t want me around as the checks in the mailbox stopped and, no doubt, my dear foster brother had told them a number of things that i’d done over the course of many dinners that were’nt to appropreate.
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stilll into smoking pot, i quit the factory job in mi. and headed to washington state. a sargent in the army told me i could get a job out there working on ships. didn’t happen.
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in the seatle area, 1977, i mostly for the two years there worked at helping an old man out. i lived in his house at doing his cooking and driving. he was cantankerous but his family wnated him to have someone so i got the job.
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on fridays i’d put the old fellow to bed and hop in my car and make the journey to downtown seattle. watch one porn flick after another smoking cigarettes and enjoying the warm, safe filth the theaters provided me, an outcast loser.
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a madman is shooting people in ny york city. callls himself the son of sam.
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old man in bed. friday. porn theater. and then she(!) – the woman i was wondering about years earlier in ruby’s house – is walking through a door in the movie! i couldn;t believe my eyes!! i sat up in my seat and the bells and alarms went off, and i said to myself, “It’s her! It’s her! She’s the one I’ve been looking for all of my life!” as I was swept up in the emotions, a not tooo friendly man’s vocie dubed over the movie (i think) and said, “here’s one that belongs to the devil.” i was afraid but happy, and was VERY happy that she did a hardcore penetration scene. i drove back to the old man’s house in my vw rabbit smoking a lot of cigarretts and knowing that a very major piece to the puzzle had arrived on my radar.
**i’m at a point where i am placing myself in a lot of danger. i’d like to continue but am afraid. i suspect most of you are having a lot of laughter at my expense, so maybe it’s just as well that i end it here.
Thanks for your time and for overlooking my spelling (if you in fact did).
Fancy toys aside, humanity has always been corruptible, horny, and violent. Absolutely nothing new there.
Well, except for air conditioning. And tooth paste. Multicolored tooth paste…
NO one is laughing at this point. At least, I’m not. I’m seriously, seriously worried for you. Have you EVER seen a mental health professional?
I don’t think anyone is laughing at you, and I doubt anyone thinks that you’re making this up. It’s hard to respond to this, though, because saying what’s obvious to normal people (you need help) sounds so quaint and petty, even though it’s the truth.
If you re-read his posts you’ll see that he’s seen a psychiatrist and been in an inpatient facility. Neither was recent. It seems to have been twenty years ago or so.
Guy, for your own sake I’m asking that you stop posting your life story here. Please go see a therapist.
This has got to be Joe Bob Briggs posting…
I have reported this thread to a mod*. (never done that before). Guy-please listen to those here: you need to get some help.
*posted re the reporting so that others don’t.
I think we all have, eleanorigby. I know I did earlier.
I’m reading a biography of Tsar Alexander II, and it mentions that at one time, Peter the Great was seen to be the Antichrist.
[ Moderating ]
I’m shutting this thread down for a bit while the staff considers a few things.
GuyNblueJeans, are you familiar with the message board abbreviation “TMI” or the business expression “personality bleed”? While this thread is closed, please consider whether you really want to be posting all the personal information that you have out here for any poster (or visiting nutcake) to pick up and use to your detriment.
(In other words, at least for now, do not post any more tales of your youth–and consider not posting such information ever again.)
[ /Moderating ]