Mild insults: Not the ______est _____ in the _____

Not the sharpest tool in the shed
Not the brightest crayon in the box…

I’m looking for more along these lines (but not the closely related “one brick short of a full load” type, perhaps we can do that in another thread)…

Not the quickest of cats at the best of times.

Stolen from Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrells…

Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.

Not the coldest beer in the fridge.


Not the brightest bulb [in/on] the [box/tree/ Christmas tree/chandelier]
Not the brightest lamp [on/in] the [street/house/store/block].

It’s not what you’re looking for, but my favorite insult is “a few vermin short of a plague.”

Not the brightest candle on the birthday cake.
Not the sharpest nail in the toolbox.
Not the sharpest needle in the pincushion.

Not the swiftest pony in the race.

If only you had started this thread a few hours earlier! I was looking for insults like this just last night, but couldn’t think of any appropriate to the situation.

Not the brightest star in the sky.

Not the fastest car in the race.

Not the sharpest pencil on the desk.

Not the brightest bulb in the marquee.

Not the crispiest cracker in the box.

Not the yellowest banana in the bunch.

Not the biggest book on the shelf.

not the shiniest coin in the fountain.

Not the swiftest deer in the forest.

Not the most absorbent tampon in the box.

Not the brightest crayon in the box.

Not the smartest peanut in the turd!

I cant believe that one wasnt posted yet!

Not the brightest penny in the roll.

Not the roundest rock in the box.

Though it doesn’t quite make sense, I’ve always rather enjoyed “Not the brightest pumpkin in the patch.” Methinks it kind of captures the idiocy of what one’s trying to express.

And along the same lines:
Dumber* than a box of bricks.
Dumber thant a bag o’ hammers.
Dumb as a stump/rock/post.

I mean no offense to the mutes of the world.

In the great tool shed of life, that boy’s a mallet.