It’s always hard to know - should you say something or keep your mouth shut?
The situation I found myself in yesterday: I had taken my three kids to the park. There was a couple in their mid20’s with a boy about two years old and the woman was visibly pregnant. While their son was playing, both of them lit up cigarettes!
Now, I’m guessing that this woman must know that smoking while pregnant isn’t a good idea. However, I’m also guessing that she probably smoked during her first pregnancy and her son is seemingly without problems, so therefore…well, you get the idea.
So I didn’t say anything, but I wonder if I should have. And there are other situations like this, of course. Anyone else have a story?
When I used to smoke, one time a woman came up to me in the park. She arrived after me and curtly said “This is a children’s park and there’s no smoking allowed.” I said I hadn’t realized, and she said “Well it’s right on the sign at the gate.” So I said I was sorry, I must have missed it, put out my cigarette and continued to read. She was so smug! She went back to her friend and over-loudly said it was amazing what people tried to “get away with”. Then I DID recall the sign and what it said and didn’t say. I checked and there was no mention of smoking, only against setting fires outside the metal barbeque pits.
I went back and told her and her friend. They said nothing, but slunk off.
Now of course, I don’t smoke and can’t figure how smokers can be so rude.
But to answer your question- you were right not to interfere. They know as much about it as you, and just make different choices.
My personal limit concerns morality. Back in my married days, my wife and a friend were talking about a situation the friend was in. She knew of an unethical situation two other people were in and didn’t do anything about it. I heatedly said something like, “How could you do that? When you see something like that, it’s our obligation as responsible members of society to take action, blah, blah, blah…”
A year later, when my wife and I were separated, my commanding officer dragged me in his office and told me that a reliable source had told him my wife had been cheating with another guy in the squadron… a huge shock and not at all why we were separated (or so she had led me to believe). It was like turning on a light in a dark room… suddenly her behavior and the separation itself made sense (they hadn’t up 'til then). Later on, that old friend came to me and told me of how my wife had been cheating. Something clicked and I asked her if she’d been the one to confide in my commanding officer. She said “Yes, because I remembered what you said about doing nothing when something bad is happening.”
I was amazed that something I had said had affected someone’s behavior to do the right thing. She was worried the whole time that I’d be pissed at her for meddling, but the truth is that I can hardly think of a higher compliment than what she did.