Mini Rants

The BBQ Pit
1

A little while ago I created some threads here in the Pit called “Free Rants”, which were created with the idea that everyone has things that annoy them, but are not “big” enough to warrant creating a whole thread about it. This is a continuation of this idea, so knock yourself out and b*tch about anything.

I’ll start… must people stop in the middle of the street to wait for someone they’re picking up? Just park the car, cockknocker! Even worse is when they put on the flashers,]get out of the car , and just leave it there…:mad:

[SIZE=1]btw, if you think this is a stupid idea, let me know so I don’t create one again in the future. :)[/SIZE

2

Why do my fucking neighbors have to park their piece of shit cars in front of my house all the goddamn time?

3

One vote for “this is a stupid idea”.

Inviting a bunch of people to post one-line-whines about how their ass itches or they got shortchanged at the coffee shop (both legitimate beefs worthy of creative, bile-choked OPs) is lame.

If you want to rant, then open a thread and rant. That’ll give us all the opportunity to have a nice big gripefest about what’s bothering you. But if your beef isn’t important enough to you to write a decent OP, why should we care?

4

Geez, I dunno what’s the matter with my neighbor, this CRAZY woman, every time I park my car and I’m going into the house she comes racing out in her bathrobe and jumps up and down screaming about how I shoont park my piece of shit car here, I gotta park it over there, like it’s the MAGIC SPOT or somethin, and I keep tellin her, look, stupid, I can’t park my car over there cause that’s where I park my TRUCK. I park my car here. Why can’t she grasp that? It aint rocket science.

And that’s a real ugly housecoat too, I’m here to tell ya.

:smiley:
p.s. this is, while not exactly a stupid idea, nevertheless not one that we look forward to seeing repeated many, many times in the Pit

5

RTFM.

6

:confused:

Come again?

7

It means “Read the Fucking Manual,” as said to clueless newbies/twits who ask simple questions where the answer is a paragraph away. For example, someone asking a question such as “How do I load a file in this program” would likely recieve a RTFM response because the replyer doesn’t have the patience to respond to the question.

Minirants, AHOY!

  1. The more people in your group, the earlier you should arrive at the movie. It seems without fail, every time I go to a packed movie theatre, 5 minutes after the movie starts some dozen morons will come in and stare into the crowd looking for some massive clump of seats that everyone else somehow noticed.

  2. They failed to strike oil while probing George W. Bush’s hind region. So much for irony.

  3. Energy efficient air conditions which are just expensive fans that take up a whole window are evil.

  4. I detest the asswipe who keeps parking in front of my house, half on the sidewalk. One of these days I will smash all his windows with a baseball bat before towing it into the ocean… Or not.

  5. I detest any scene in a movie where one person threatens another with an uncocked gun.

  6. This post was weak and uninspired, and someone will probably post the explanation to RTFM while I’m typing this out.

8

Use your fucking signal lights asshole! I try to read minds but damn!

9

the advert they made for you is crap and it’s driving customers away, can’t you see that? “oh yeah, but you noticed it, so the advert has succeeded” - who told you that? - the bloody advertisers! who says “bald men are more virile”? - bald men. It’s a LIE dammit.

10

Mrs. H,

Will you get the fuck off the fucking phone so we can get something to eat. I mean now, god damn it! You and your friends will never figure out what to do tonight and this continuous circle jerk of phone calls will solve nothing. I’m mother fucking starving.

Haj

11

Dear Neighbors’ visitors: I understand that you don’t want to park your car in front of his car in the driveway, but do you have to park on MY GRASS instead?

12

No, it just means “Read The Manual”-- That extra “F” is left for the student to figure out. It takes a while, sometimes.

13

Dickhead cow-worker who comes in late, leaves on the stroke of finishing time, can never be found when he’s needed, and goes away on holiday without handing over his job to anyone…

Dickhead Manager for letting him do it…

:mad:

Grim

14

Tell it all, brother! Damn non-signaling fuckers. Just let me know what the hell you want to do, and I’ll let you.
Fucktards.

15

Dear six-year-old girl who was riding the commuter rail with her family this morning at 6:30:

Yes, asking “Are we there yet?” every 30 seconds for approximately 20 minutes was as annoying as you anticipated, not just for your mother, but for everyone else in the train car. Laughing maniacally after each instance really added something, as well.

Dear Boyfriend:

Well, no terrorists blew up the Esplanade after all. I guess you could’ve stayed in Boston and watched the fireworks from your apartment with me as you had been promising for four fucking months instead of chickening out a week before the Fourth because “the terrorist danger was just too great.” Yeah, like the terrorist danger at freakin’ Quincy Market* is so great we can’t eat there anymore. You’re a smart man, please try to balance your paranoia with occasional rational thought.

Dear basil and thyme plants on my windowsill:

DON"T DIE! I just got you and you look really good on the windowsill and I’m very fond of you, not to mention your usefulness, but just like every plant I’ve ever owned, within one day of entering my possession you’ve taken a turn for the worst. Why do I have to be so bad with plants? (OK, this one is lame.)

Dear 3rd or 4th cousin or whatever who was at the Fourth of July picnic I attended yesterday:

Please, stop arguing with everyone. Stop picking the most lunatic positions possible to defend “just to make people think.” Saying the United States doesn’t need a military (at all) doesn’t project the image that you are a freethinker, it just makes you look like a fucking idiot. Especially when you asked who could possibly threaten the US these days, and implied that the September 11th attacks didn’t really hurt anyone or anything. I repeat, you are not a provocative, original thinker, you are a smarmy, idiotic young adult. Try saying some of that shit in China, where you will be in a matter of days, and see how it goes over.**

I keep thinking more people pissed me off lately, but that’s it for now.

*I shit you not. My boyfriend is a whole other rant, but I honestly do care for him a great deal.
**Honestly, I don’t really know what the reaction would be, but I can imagine that lunatic provocative extremist political statements will be even more poorly received in rural China, where he’ll be teaching English to children, than they were by my family.

16

To the enthusiastic mouthwash using man in that fucking commercial: OHhhhhhhh, you’re so excited to be using mouthwash aren’t you? Oh, look! You’re rolling your eyes up in heavenly bliss, joyously swishing away while staring right fucking at me! What’s this? You’re winking at me! Well eat the fucking peanuts out of my shit, you must be having one fucking good time swishing whatever the fuck it is around in your mouth, aren’t you, bookie? Look at you now, you fuckwit mouthwash thespian, you’re giddy from mother fucking yellow dye number five, swaying your spikey haired neck cork back and forth… oh wait, you’ve winked at me again! Smack the fuck shit out of my pie hole, I’m one god damned lucky son of a bitch to have a coy little mouthwash swigging ass nut making a knowing wink at me! I’d rather listen to the fucking tin woodsman fall down a fucking flight of stairs at the mother fucking Sears tower than see this shit beard swishing joyously in my face one more fucking time!

(pulls off own head)